Could I be in denile?

[Ballerina123]

How can you tell if you're in denile?

I feel really well at the moment but my team keep telling me they feel I'm still a high risk.
I don't feel depressed or manic.
I don't really have any psychotic symptoms.
Yet my team keep questioning it.

They see my team twice a week and it feels too much but they said they are trying to decide weather a CTO would be appropriate for me.

I feel like I could do with a break from services as I feel overwhelmed by them and they don't seeem to believe that I feel ok.

I'm unsure what to do or how much to trust my own judgement or even their judgement.

Any advice or experiences would be appreciated.

[jessmarie123]

Don't deny your own thoughts and feelings. If you're feeling ok, you're feeling ok. Don't let anyone force you into things that aren't what you need. Hang in there and embrace feeling okay!

[random.swirls]

When your ill do you know your ill? Do you generally have insight?

If you do have insight it may be that they're worrying unnecessarily but I guess I'm wondering whether they've told you what they think is wrong?

[Ballerina123]

When I'm psychotic with out a mood element I have lacked insight. I struggle to know when I'm psychotic often.
I have thoughts often that I question because my team say it's psychotic thinking but I struggle to see it that way. Although I generally do trust them now and when they say I'm psychotic / have psychotic thoughts I will question it more.

I asked my cc and she said that i'm still vulnerable because I lack a degree of insight even though she said she can see I'm doing g my best.

it's difficult because I struggle with insight a bit.

my team said that keeping an eye on me is important because I have had times when I got ill without realising im ill.

usually if it's my mood though I realise quite early on but that's because I keep a good mood diary.

I struggle with a "psychosis diary" because I don't know what thoughts are psychotic.

[Arienette]

When I last saw you you seemed OK but I don't know what they're looking for and could easily not know at all or have a clue.

Would it be worth asking for an assessment outside of your team, like a set of fresh eyes maybe? And then see what the general consensus is?

Hope you're ok.
lots of love, x

[Cacoethes]

you seemed totally ok to me when I stayed over! although that was weeks ago. but yeah, I don't really have any advice, but I know my team have been concerned about me even though I was totally ok (legitimately ok!)

I was on a CTO before and it didn't really make a lot of difference, it's just easier for them if you need to go back to hospital. It saves time (and probably paperwork!) but it doesn't mean you are more likely to be recalled on section.

They may be worried at the moment because of history etc. But maybe it's not a bad idea to see them twice a week for a while because then they'll see that you really are ok!

[Ballerina123]

Thanks becky and utopia.

Becky I think your right maybe they just need proof im ok and my cc did say that my history is playing a big part in their concerns.
I just worry being on a CTO will affect my employment. I'm not sure if I can work in the nhs/healthcare if im on one?

[Cacoethes]

I dont think it should really make a difference. It's not like a criminal thing where you'd have to declare it I don't think.
It doesn't mean you are any more ill than someone not on a CTO, it's just like a safety net thing.

[Ballerina123]

I don't wanna start a new thread so thought I would moan here about stress and anxiety.

I'm currently in a clinical study for getting people back into work who have had serious mental illness.
The woman comes to my house every week to set up plans for me.
She makes me so anxious and that makes me stressed.
I'm thinking of pulling out even though my team want me to benefit from it but I honestly think she makes my anxiety and stress worse rather than reassuring me.
I had to take prn after she left. I feel calmer now but I really don't think this study is going to be beneficial of i just get myself in a state every time I see her.
I just don't get on with her very well.
I might talk to my cc about it and see what she says.

Sorry just a rant but any advice would be welcome.

[tiptoes]

I think it would be worth talking through with you regular CC what is making you anxious about her visits. Do you know about her visits that is making you anxious?

When I started therapy a few years ago during the first few sessions I really hated and it made me anxious and I hated the therapist. I spoke through these thoughts with my support worker at the time and I then spoke to the therapist and from then on we changed the way we worked together. I ended up working really well with her and even though I only had 14 sessions of therapy with her the difference was black to white. She is now my CC and she is really in tune with how to get the best out of me.

Bad starts can be rectified.

[Arienette]

It is fine to pull our if you are finding it difficult.

I started a study on something similar in the summer where I went for sessions 3x a week. I dropped out after not long, because I was finding it too difficult to commit to it, and do it.

I didn't have a problem with the therapist: I actually really liked him, but the study wasn't at the right time for me, so I dropped out and it was fine.

You need to think about yourself, and what is good for you right now: and if that means dropping out of the study so this woman doesn't come around our house then that is what you need and that is perfectly fine.

It is better to recognise that than push on and risk relapse. xx

[Ballerina123]

Thanks guys.

I think I will talk to the therapist and my cc about it. See where I stand or if anything can change.
It's just feels like too much unnecessary stress.