Reality and relationship- new

[bitomato]

So I have a new reality and relationship.

I forced myself to let go of the people who were holding me back and grab the support that is right in front of me. My new partner treats me kindly, but I am very insecure and I want to be with him all the time. I am afraid I am hypomanic because I wanted to wait until marriage but my libido is insatiable.

I don't want to tell anyone yet because I don't know what is happening. He already told someone we are together. I just need time to figure this out. This is so new for me. Just being together- no pressure, except my crazy bipolar body- is so nice! One thing bad happened yesterday and it is a red flag- and I am afraid that it is not just me. But I do not even want to share this with my psychologist/ psychiatrist.

How can I be in control if I have problems with addiction and self control in so many areas? Things in my life are spiralling out of control, and I am afraid I am using our new relationship as an anchor. If things ever calm down will I run away?

He has MH issues too- which makes this harder for me at first, but he has the life skills I lack- which gives me focus and structure. Please, who do I talk to?! At first he did not want to be with me unless we are intimate-now he says there's no hurry- but says I make the choices.

[Miyobi]

Well done to you for cutting those people out of your life and finding someone who treats you right.

Do you have a diary or some way you can write down how you feel, put it into words and work through it in that way? I used to destroy what I'd written so it wasn't lying around, occasionally I'd give the letters to whom I'd written them for, but only after I'd slept on it, putting pen to paper helped a lot, as I felt I couldn't turn to anyone either.

Has it bothered you that he's told someone you're together whilst you're still trying to come to terms with it? Have you spoken with him about it?

It's difficult when you have a problem you feel you can't ever get past, but a problem can be something which is overcome, it doesn't define who you are.

What kind of things are spiraling out of control and how long have you felt like this? Would he understand if you spoke to him about it?

<3

[bitomato]

Hi. Thanks for the message. Yes, I spoke to him about what he said. I told him I am prepared to have a serious go at it but I am figuring it out. He is sleeping over most nights now and that is making my trying to not be intimate difficult. I did however, see myself deal with the compulsive eating better.

Work and family wise are spiralling- and they are explained at length in other threads. It has been years with the last few months getting so serious that I had to move out for a couple of weeks.

Right now, he is my only confidante and I am afraid of that. I doubt my family would approve- but at this point I do not care. I may be able to get through the next month without judgement. I am being a bit more limited in patience with work; drawing lines in the sand where others would try to run me ragged.

I just feel we should spend balanced time apart so I can miss him.

[bitomato]

While I am ok, we spend every night together now. I don't want to get obsessed, but I am thinking that this is just how our interactions are going to be.