Miyobi
27-09-2014, 02:49 PM
Hi RYL users, I've been a member in the past, several years ago, but I cannot remember my username, so I have decided to start over again.
I've been struggling to come to terms with the fact that my state of mind isn't exactly clear right now, nor has it been for the past few months, I have become better at brushing it under the carpet and ignoring it, until yesterday morning after my shift at work, I was triggered by something, which I do not want to go into detail over. I went to visit my mum, and told her about it, then I became paranoid as soon as the words left my mouth, thinking my neighbour had heard me, I was in the garden, asking her to talk to the dog so I could see if I could hear her, incase he had heard me.
Not long after this my mum pressed me a little "Is there anything else going on? Are you sure you're not using this as an excuse to let everything thats been bothering you out?" As soon as she said that I'd remembered everything that had happened at home, work, being let down by friends, and I burst into tears.
After encouraging me to eat, and getting nowhere, she told me to call the doctors, get booked in that day and tell them everything. I was seen by my GP 3 hours after I'd made the call, and was with him for an hour, we talked shop, the usual. He was helpful and told me to self certificate for the first week from work.
Now at hearing that I became worried, upset, and noticed the signs of a panic attack approaching.
When I got home that afternoon, after no sleep in over 26 hours, I decided to nap, I managed 2 hours of broken sleep then I called work and told them I wouldn't be coming in as my doctor had encouraged me to take a week off and see how I feel.
I got told "Fine, ok" hung up. 10 minutes later I get a call "I've covered tomorrow, but can you do a double shift on Sunday?" This set me off all over again, after I'd managed sleep, even contemplated eating something, and was feeling, altogether a tiny bit better after taking that first step I was sent back to before square one. I told them "I'm off for a reason, I don't just want to not come in, I'm not myself" She asked why and I told her bluntly "Stress and anxiety"
This was all in one day.
Cut to today, after not getting out of bed until 1pm, I'm trying to help with housework, Dr told me to keep myself busy, was doing the dishes and came back upstairs to find 3 missed calls on my phone from work, asking if I was coming in tomorrow. I almost said yes, but I finally thought of myself, I told them that I was told to self cert for a week, but I would let them know on a daily basis how I was doing and if I felt ready to come in.
Again, 10 minutes later I got a phone call, "We've covered your whole week" I was so relieved I could have cried, but now I have my demons knocking on the door, they want to know what my manager will say, if I'm REALLY as bad as I think I am, am I just blowing everything out of proportion, what about money, will I get fired, will they even believe me?
My boyfriend is trying, we've been together for 5 years but he's very black and white, I've tried to explain but he doesn't get it most of the time, so when I feel down I usually call a member of my family, mostly my mum or dad, but my older brother and sister are there to help as well, my younger brother will shoot the breeze with me but isn't much support during these episodes of depression.
I have been put back on Sertraline 50MG, and just seeing the box has been making me happier, I'm just so paranoid about work, if I took that out of the equation I'd be 10 times more relaxed, sadly I will be worrying about a phone call from my boss, as its a weekend she will not be in until Monday.
I'm so happy I remembered this website, without the support in the past from the members I wouldn't be where I am today, I hope this post finds you all well *hugs* from... Miyo xxx
I've been struggling to come to terms with the fact that my state of mind isn't exactly clear right now, nor has it been for the past few months, I have become better at brushing it under the carpet and ignoring it, until yesterday morning after my shift at work, I was triggered by something, which I do not want to go into detail over. I went to visit my mum, and told her about it, then I became paranoid as soon as the words left my mouth, thinking my neighbour had heard me, I was in the garden, asking her to talk to the dog so I could see if I could hear her, incase he had heard me.
Not long after this my mum pressed me a little "Is there anything else going on? Are you sure you're not using this as an excuse to let everything thats been bothering you out?" As soon as she said that I'd remembered everything that had happened at home, work, being let down by friends, and I burst into tears.
After encouraging me to eat, and getting nowhere, she told me to call the doctors, get booked in that day and tell them everything. I was seen by my GP 3 hours after I'd made the call, and was with him for an hour, we talked shop, the usual. He was helpful and told me to self certificate for the first week from work.
Now at hearing that I became worried, upset, and noticed the signs of a panic attack approaching.
When I got home that afternoon, after no sleep in over 26 hours, I decided to nap, I managed 2 hours of broken sleep then I called work and told them I wouldn't be coming in as my doctor had encouraged me to take a week off and see how I feel.
I got told "Fine, ok" hung up. 10 minutes later I get a call "I've covered tomorrow, but can you do a double shift on Sunday?" This set me off all over again, after I'd managed sleep, even contemplated eating something, and was feeling, altogether a tiny bit better after taking that first step I was sent back to before square one. I told them "I'm off for a reason, I don't just want to not come in, I'm not myself" She asked why and I told her bluntly "Stress and anxiety"
This was all in one day.
Cut to today, after not getting out of bed until 1pm, I'm trying to help with housework, Dr told me to keep myself busy, was doing the dishes and came back upstairs to find 3 missed calls on my phone from work, asking if I was coming in tomorrow. I almost said yes, but I finally thought of myself, I told them that I was told to self cert for a week, but I would let them know on a daily basis how I was doing and if I felt ready to come in.
Again, 10 minutes later I got a phone call, "We've covered your whole week" I was so relieved I could have cried, but now I have my demons knocking on the door, they want to know what my manager will say, if I'm REALLY as bad as I think I am, am I just blowing everything out of proportion, what about money, will I get fired, will they even believe me?
My boyfriend is trying, we've been together for 5 years but he's very black and white, I've tried to explain but he doesn't get it most of the time, so when I feel down I usually call a member of my family, mostly my mum or dad, but my older brother and sister are there to help as well, my younger brother will shoot the breeze with me but isn't much support during these episodes of depression.
I have been put back on Sertraline 50MG, and just seeing the box has been making me happier, I'm just so paranoid about work, if I took that out of the equation I'd be 10 times more relaxed, sadly I will be worrying about a phone call from my boss, as its a weekend she will not be in until Monday.
I'm so happy I remembered this website, without the support in the past from the members I wouldn't be where I am today, I hope this post finds you all well *hugs* from... Miyo xxx