Psych assessment this week

[Crazy Cat Lady]

I'm really finding things hard and last week,
I told my therapist that I'm self medicating. It was so hard but I did it. Part of me felt relief that I didn't have to deal with it on my own but part of me was so angry that I allowed myself to tell her. She was concerned and she told me it was okay for her to be worried. I find it really uncomfortable when people worry about me. I've been ordering opiates online. It's the only way I can get through life at the moment. I've been mixing these with various other things to try and knock myself out at night and get some peace. My psych has written a letter to the psychiatrist I am due to see on Thursday and has also let the GP know.

I'm so scared.
I'm scared they are going to recommend IP. Realistically I know I'm not safe but I don't want to have to go into hospital. My parents or friends have no idea what's going on.

Last week, I spoke a little more about the past and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It's taken a year of seeing my therapist to even say a little. I disconnected and she had to ground me and I felt very strange all weekend. I still feel very odd and to top it off,
I now have a urine infection and suspect this was brought on by stress and anxiety.

I feel so low, so scared.

[Uglyducklin]

I'm low on words but thinking of you . Please try to be honest so they can help you x

[Crazy Cat Lady]

I was referred to the community mental health team to see a Psychiatrist as my GP felt she needed some guidance from a Psychiatrist. Due to issues with my postcode, and where my GP surgery is located etc, it took around a year and a half for this appointment to be arranged. My appointment was at 2.30.

I was very anxious and it took a lot for me to get to this appointment. My Psychologist had written a letter, well in advance to outline my situation as I find it hard to say certain things to people I've only just met and this was posted well in advance. I was called in and the Psychiatrist started reading through my notes on her computer. 5 minutes later, she said she hadn't finished assessing someone and asked me whether I can do back outside and she will call me when she had finished. I said yes, and went to sit outside in reception again. 45 minutes later, she called me back in. She stated that she hadn't received a letter from my Psychologist and this made me even more anxious. She started asking questions and I found it very uncomfortable. I couldn't be 100% honest with her, but I said what I could and I think I did well to say what I did. I didn't really feel she understood me but I sat through it.

I explained I didn't feel the Sertraline was helping and at first, she said I can try and reduce it, and then she said she actually doesn't think it's a good idea as it could make things worse. She mentioned amitriptyline but because I have ectoic heart beats, she said this wasn't safe and then I mentioned that a GP suggested Mirtazapine but was concerned as I was already on 100mg Sertraline. She said a 15mg of Mirtazapine would be fine, but I'm very anxious about it.

I don't think I want to go back and booked an appointment with my GP to see whether she can take full responsibility for my medication. They have been doing so for the past year or so (since I discharged myself from the eating disorder service) and hoping they will.

I couldn't tell the Psychiatrist that I've been ordering opiates online and will bring this up with my Psychologist tomorrow.

I know it shouldn't be the case, but private care is so much better than the NHS. I know there may be exceptions to this, but I've found mental health services to be pretty useless.

I don't really know how I'm feeling. I feel quite upset and drained from today.

[youonlyliveonce]

I'm sorry they were so disorganised hun glad U were honest as u cud be did they say anything about a cpn or anything

I hope the gp does what is best for you

Love Cheryl

[Epicene]

That sounds horribly disorganised and after such a long time waiting must have been really deflating. I'm not surprised you want to go back to your GP. Technically there is nothing wrong with a GP in charge of your medication management, but it might be worth asking if you could be referred to a different psychiatrist in the event of wanting another medication review in future. Even if it is at the CMHT there may be someone different that can see you.

In the short term, you can always ask your pharmacist to double-check any interactions with Mirtazipine and sertraline, to feel more reassured. I also think it would be a really good idea to share the experience with your psychologist and opening up about anything you couldn't tell the psychiatrist, like the ordering of medicines. I hope you continue to feel able to seek support after this experience.

[Crazy Cat Lady]

Thanks for all your support. I've requested to see another Psychiatrist and they said that shouldn't be a problem; they are going to speak to the manager and get back to me.

On another note, has anyone used their local drug and alcohol service?

K

[youonlyliveonce]

Yeh I uses recovery partnership which in our area is drug n alcohol for when I was addicted to cocodamol they were great

[Crazy Cat Lady]

I'm a mess. My life is a mess.

[youonlyliveonce]

How can we help

[tiptoes]

How are you today K?

We are hear if you want to talk.

[Crazy Cat Lady]

All I see is darkness