Struggling

[zigzag]

Hi, apologies if this is in the wrong section, it's been so long since I last used this site that I've kind of forgotten all the rules.

I'm back now because I am struggling- depression is back after being gone (more or less) for nearly 2 years. I've also developed anxiety which is worse than it's ever been (it's pretty regular for me to feel a little bit anxious around people etc but not to this extent.) So I ended up having to quit my job because of the anxiety, just couldn't deal with it. (I'm on medication for the anxiety now)

For the past month or so since I quit I've just been at home, not really left my bed much at all (bar a few occasions when I manage to go visit my boyfriend or sister) but apart from that I just can't bring myself to do the usual basic stuff- shower/clean, get dressed, tidy up after myself. My sleeping pattern is all messed up- awake most of the night- asleep into the afternoon. Also been binge eating a lot too. I know none of this is healthy or productive but it feels impossible to change.

Aside from this I keep having thought of self harm, and, increasingly, suicide. I'm just not really functioning properly at all and feel miserable.
Obviously the thing to do is go to my doctor- which I am going to do, when I can get an appointment.

My question is: realistically, what support can I expect from my doctor that I haven't tried before? I've done anti-depressants, and seeing a counselor before but it never really worked. I just feel so frustrated and hopeless because I thought I was 'better' and depression was in my past. I just want to be looked after and to not feel so scared. I feel like a break could do me some good, but I don't think I'm anywhere near ''ill enough'' for hospital.

Maybe some words of support might be enough to give me perspective?
Thank you for reading (sorry it's long.)

[crazykat]

It's good that you are going to make an appointment with your doctor because I think it is something that is really important to get on top of before things continue to escalate further. I know you felt that what you have tried before hasn't worked but maybe it did to some degree and you have said the depression symptoms were gone or minimal for around two years, so that says to me that perhaps something did help. I do realise when your struggling this much it can be hard to look back and see what things might have helped too.

I still however think it is important that you voice these concerns to your GP about what you have tried and that you didn't find it affective. As this gives your GP a clearer picture and opens up the option of them exploring other options with you such as different medications or types of therapy. Also other factors may have also played a part such as maybe you just weren't ready for therapy or they weren't the right therapist for you or the right type of therapy. Depression can also go into remission and then come back again unfortunately so perhaps that is what has happened for you.

When looking at all the things you are struggling with it can feel really overwhelming especially when we try to change it all at once. Start off small though and build up from there, even if you set yourself a goal of trying to have a shower at least every two days or working on something else. Don't try to fix it all at once because it will be too overwhelming. I think making the doctors appointment is a great first step though. Best of luck, take care

[JusC]

Hi ZigZag. Im sorry to hear about how ur feeling at the moment. You seemed to have done all the right things by going to the doctor, taking ur medication, seeing a counseller and getting general support from the them all.

I think doing what ur doing is going well for u. Im glad to hear ur still on the medication. There the most important thing. What kind of medication u taking? Is it both for anxiety and depression? From what u said it seems that ur taking only one of them. You know u could take medication for the anxiety aswell. Has ur doctor said anything about this? If not its best to mention this to them when u book ur next appointment. When do u think u will make a appointment with the doctor? You should try and see them as soon as. Ok

What do u do as in a job? What is it u do?

Shame that u had to stop work completely for this to have come again. You seemed to of got on well before and all of a sudden this happens. Im not sure wether u said u will go back there or not once u feel better but its worth asking them if ur job would still remain.

Are u recieving any benefits at the moment? Like DSA or Sickness Benefit from work or? Worth thinking about benefits u can recieve for going back to work. Those u would be entilled two and if u dont have a job there anymore then u can claim JSA to help looking for work. What do u think?

You said u only go to see ur brother and sister now and again but still have nothing to do as ur ill not being able to work. You should think about what u could do in ur spare time then staying at home. Taking up a part time hobby is always good, doing some voulnteering work, taking up a course at college or at home etc. What do u think?

That can be only be part time if u didnt wanna do that full time. You proberly wouldnt as it would be too much and ur be ill still. Can try and look for things to do at the house ur living in. Maybe doing so me chores or taking up social media by meeting people in ur local area and getting to know them as friends. There any family or friends u could see when they are Free one day? I know u see ur brother and sister. Do u live on ur own? Not sure how old u are

I think not doing too much and relaxing to getting better will help u to not feel so alone or anything. Your be able to think about other stuff instead. Try and think of what u like to do and look online and see what there is like any clubs near u. I understand u know. I find it hard two.

Im sure ur be back to work in no time :)

Keep urself busy x

[Patent Pending]

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much right now, but I'm glad you felt able to come back here and ask for help.

Seeing your GP is the best idea right now, it'll hopefully get you some support and stop things escalating further. I know you say you've tried anit-depressants and a counsellor, but have you ever tried any other kind of therapy? For example; DBT or CBT? They can be really helpful with anxiety and depression (as well as suicidal/SH thoughts/urges). Perhaps it'd be worth asking, because these therapies allow you to gain skills which you can use long after the actual therapy finishes - which would hopefully stop things worsening again.

I know it can be disheartening to stop work because of anxiety (I also ended up leaving my job because of it - OH signed me off etc) and I've only recently been able to face looking for another. It's not the end of everything though, try to think of this break as time to work on yourself to hopefully stop this happening again :)

Did anti-depressants help last time? Would you consider them again?

x x x

[JusC]

Mix Tape is right. I think u should go and see the GP. Maybe they will help u feel about about urself but offering u some support. That would be good. Are u seeing anyone at the moment?

I know u feel like ur not getting any support but i think its looking at whats out there first. There are people who can help. Im not sure if u said about a counseller u were seeing but would u go back to them? Try it.

Should try and speak to a friend or family member about how ur feeling. Im sure they will be there for u. What do u think?

You know u got the advice pages on here to find out more and if u need someone to talk to there is about like The Smartians or Mind who can help u etc.

Your not on ur own

JusC

[zigzag]

First of all, thank you all SO much for your responses, I really appreciate the time each of you took out of your day to reply to me. Sorry it took me a while to get back to replying.
To answer some of your questions:

CrazyKat: I think you are right, looking back I think the medication before did keep me stable to a degree- it certainly was better on it than off. I think I do just need to try more options and be more open to different types, I think I've just been scared and that's sort of why I've been not willing before, but if I want to get better I need to try and work through things instead of just burying them. I don't think I was ready for therapy before and I think that's probably why I didn't really engage too much or open up as much as I should have. I'm starting making small goals for each day like you suggested, nothing major but it's a start. Thank you for your kind words!

JusC,Hi yes, I'm just taking anxiety medication at the moment, but when I go back to the doctors (making an appointment tomorrow-monday- so hopefully will get a same day appointment.) And when I go back I'm going to ask about an anti-depressant/anxiety combination medication. Or just see what the doctor recommends about taking both. I worked in a supermarket previous to quitting, but going back there is not am option as I left without working my notice. I'm not receiving benefits at the moment either, no. I'm living off my savings, because I don't feel ready yet to get another job, so can't apply for job seekers allowance (because I'm not actively looking for employment, so not entitled.) And I feel like I would just get dismissed if I tried to apply for disabled living allowance or such like. As for my spare time, I'm thinking about maybe trying to do some volunteering or something, just so I could have some structure but without the pressure of employment.

MixTape: hello, no I've not tried cbt or dbt before, but I'm going to ask my gp and see what my best option will be, I think you're right, I need something that can give me something with more longevity than just basic counselling- not that that's not worth anything but I think cbt or dbt would give some actual skills for coping in the future, rather than just someone to talk to.

I'm feeling slightly more on top of things and the SH urges have lessened which is good, and I feel like once I get the ball rolling with my gp appointment things will hopefully get better. Thank you all so much for being kind and listening and responding.

[JusC]

I'm glad to hear from u ZigZag. I've not spoken to u before so thought to say hi etc. I hope ur ok? That's ok. I wanted to lol.

I hope the doctors appointment goes well then. Did u go for it? Sorry I didn't know yet. Thats good that ur taking medication. Important u carry on taking it no matter what. Do u take anti depressionats?

Thats a good idea. I thought taking anti depressionats would help. I know it's anxiety but its the depression two. I wouldn't see whats wrong with that. Why didnt they put u on that before?

That's not good. I thought u would still be there untill u get urself better or u would receive benefits untill u get a job. Why was u gonna quit there? You didn't like it? There will be something better I'm sure. Don't worry.

You shouldn't do that as u may need that at a time when it's difficult. Im sure u could get some support from The Citizens Advice Bureau who may help u to claim some sort of benefit as u need money to live and ur not working. Family and firends maybe can help. Yh?

I know ur not well but u need something to support u. Can't do what ur doing now. Do u live on ur own? Can't u claim housing benefit or anything?

You should try and claim DSA cuz u never know. The other benefits I said two. You dont know.

Yh voulnteering would be good as u need something to do to know ur keeping busy and getting out of the house etc. You should try to keep busy. What u doing now. I think u need to get back into doing it and then apply for jobs when ur better. I would try what I said.

What do u think?

[JusC]

What do u think :)