Heading down. Again

[tiptoes]

My mood is heading down. Again. The memories of all the other times that I have had depressive episodes are making me feel worse. The thoughts of heading back to that place again are making it harder to deal with.
How do you deal with re-occuring depressive episodes/bipolar depression?

[Cacoethes]

I don't have bipolar but I do have depressive episodes. I can relate to the fear of it escalating to be as bad as previous episodes.

Are your team aware of it? Do you have friends/family around that know how you're feeling at the moment?

Instead of remembering how bad it was before, could you try to remember when it started to get better and when it ended and what helped back then?

[tiptoes]

My team are vaguely aware I've been having some warning signs for a few weeks but I've been in a bit of denial.

My friends and family haven't noticed and I don't want to disappoint them by telling them.

You are right things did get better, can't remember what changed it though, think it was just time. :/

[Cacoethes]

Do you think you'd be able to tell them, they will be able to help prevent it getting any worse and help you through it.

Why do you think you would disappoint them? When I've been depressed my friends and family were the ones who helped me more than anything. You don't have to go into specifics, maybe just let them know that you aren't feeling great at the moment.

Would it be helpful to think of when it did get better and how you feel when you aren't depressed, knowing that you can get there again. It will end and it's horrible when you're going through it, but it will end.

[asingledaisy]

i think sometimes being depressed or anxious can make us fear those we care about will be upset with us or frustrated, i relate to that a lot even though my diagnosis not recurring depression/bipolar. i have had a couple depression episodes before and they were terrifying and i just couldnt do anything..leaving my house terrified me.

i am sorry you not doing well.... it isnt yourfault...remember that

[Ballerina123]

I think it's good that your reaching out and admitting to yourself that something is not quite right. That's the first step towards helping yourself.


When I feel depression coming on I like to do relaxing things I enjoy like yoga or reading a good book.

Also it would be good up bare in mind that you are on different meds/doses since your last bad episode to its less likely you will have a bad episode now. So just try to remember that.

[tiptoes]

Thanks for your replies.

I'd feel like I was disappointing them because my mood had been good ages until a couple of months ago I had a hypomanic episode and now it is going down again. I did so well at keeping my mood in check and now I have let them down.

I'm trying to keep in mind that it does get better and you are right Kate my meds are much more effective at keeping my mood under control than prior to my last bad depressive episode.

I'm seeing student support tomorrow and my CC said he would check in with him to see how I'm getting on. I'm tempted to email him to see if he can fit me in today instead although I suppose one day isn't going to make that much of a difference I can wait.

[ennae]

I'm sorry to hear that your mood is going down. It is so hard knowing where you are headed. There is so much good advice here and it sounds like you have some external support people you are seeing soon. I hope it helps!

[talaiporia]

How are you feeling now? I think it is important to talk about things as much as you can.

[tiptoes]

I slept a bit better last night so today I've had more energy to do some of the things that help improve my mood.

I saw student support today which went ok, spoke a bit about a news story I'm having issues with today.

My partner has noticed my mood so I've spoken to him about how I'm feeling (well as much as I'm ever able too)

[talaiporia]

I'm glad to hear things are a little better, and student support were helpful. Make sure you're taking care of yourself.

[tiptoes]

Hope it's ok I bump this.

I'm still not sleeping properly, I had my meds tweaked on Monday to see if it would help so far there has been little improvement. I'm trying to be patient but I'm so freaking tired. I'm really busy at work at the moment and working crazy hours which isn't helping but there isn't much I can do to rectify this. I have some time off next week but right now that seems like a lifetime away.

I'm so tired I feel constantly on the verge of tears for no reason. My CC cancelled on me last week and said he'd be away this week. I don't know what to do for the best, there's probably nothing they can suggest until I've given the meds a little bit more time to do their thing. Sorry this is more of a rant than anything I just don't know what to do or what I want others to do but at the same time I want to be heard.

[talaiporia]

Of course it's okay. :) Changing meds can sometimes impact sleep but if you were having problems already, it seems unlikely that it's this issue at the moment. Sometimes changes can take a while to be effective.

Are you able to see any duty staff in the meantime?

[tiptoes]

Dunno, never contacted them before. Not very good with phones will contemplate it next week if I haven't heard from my CC.

Feeling terrible today, had a massive argument with my parents last night. I'm tired I am grumpy I don't know whether I was in the right or just being a bitch. Either way I feel guilty. Getting thoughts of harming myself, chances are I'll keep myself safe. I usually do it is just so damn tempting right now.

[talaiporia]

It might be worth trying to contact them if you need to.
What happened with your parents? I hope things are feeling better now.

[tiptoes]

Will do.

Don't really want to say on a public forum makes me sound a bit like a spoilt bitch. Basically they have gone back on a deal we made last year. I'm dealing with in a super mature way by turning off my mobile, signing out of skype and turned off fb chat for all family members. I just need some space from them.

Thoughts are more manageable today which I'm glad about.

[talaiporia]

Ahh. Parents are always tough to handle, and things are weird in families, because we tolerate things we probably wouldn't tolerate from friends or strangers. A little space might be good, I think it's perfectly fair.