I'm scared I keep thinking people are nearer than they are and I'm scared

[Uglyducklin]

Sorry I deleted the last one because the title made no sense I know this one is not much better. I really feel I'm losing my mind. I keep thinking people are really close behind me but I turn round and they are metres away or sometimes even not there at all :/ but the latter is rare . It's really frightening me and I feel threatened too. I know I'm having trauma therapy for PTSD so it could be hyper vigilance but it's happening more and more often. I've told my therapist and eating disorders nurse and they are both dismissive. It's making feel I'm losing my mind, I'm so scared and embarrassed. Sorry if this is pointless. Thanks anyone for reading.

[Uglyducklin]

I swear I'm losing it. I've tried to have a good weekend but my perception feels speared and weird I'm still feeling like people are on top of me when they are nowhere near me and my body feels like it's expanding and my clothes feel almost painful on my skin. I'm so. Ashamed I want to escape my body it's so fat and disgusting. I don't know where to turn if professionals are getting how distressing it is to feel y perception is so warped :(

[Wonderland.]

I hear how distressing it feels Jess.

I'm wondering if mindfulness could be of use to you at the moment. It's worth a try.

Maybe if you right down how you are feeling like you have done here and show it to your worker it might make them take more notice.

[Uglyducklin]

Thanks Ames I will try that. Everything is too much. Noise is loud even silence. It's worse since I found out my weight the distress is huge I'm so fat and I don't know how? My diet hasn't changed. I have so many violent thoughts about hurting myself that I can't put into words. I feel I deserve nothing. I just don't know the noise won't stop. Sorry this is more of rant I don't know how to hold myself together.

[Uglyducklin]

I'm so fat and disgusting and ashamed I feel too fat to post and know it's wrong of me to do so but I'm dying inside and I just need I don't know some reassurance. Seeing my eating disorders nurse was traumatic not only was my perception wonky but there was so much noise.i ended up whimpering about loud noise that was in my head. Then I had to curl up on the floor to feel safe and then one minute she's saying it wasn't my fault it's ok I'm sobbing total wreck. I'm scared I need to escape my body and can't see a way out. I feel so unsafe. X

[Uglyducklin]

I'm sorry I know I keep posting I'm sorry. I just can't stop the violent thoughts I need to tear the fat off . In my head I'm fighting the urge to restrict further and an urge to use diuretics my self harm is worse. I've bought diuretics twice but my mum keeps finding them and disposing of them. I'm swinging between believing my abuse was not that bad to realising what I've ben through was traumatic and difficult. I can't live with myself feeling a failure and I'm beginning to have suicidal thoughts and feel so hopeless. I don't have a care coordinator so other than my current eating disorders nurse and trauma therapist but I'm scared to talk about how low I feel in the case the label me. I feel I'm crawling out my skin. Am I being a drama queen because I feel I need a plan? Sorry I know I'm pathetic I just need some reassurance .