Bipolar - anyone else miss mania/struggle with APs

[Wellingtons]

I'm on 150mg sertraline and 150mg chlorpromazine, I usually take lithium but can't atm as I'm 15 weeks pregnant.

I've been on a downward spiral for a while, culminating in a day of proper depression today. I just feel so low and rubbish and just want the excitement and joy of mania back. I feel like the anti psychotics are just holding me down, making me feel really flat and missing my spark, which in turn is making me feel depressed, if that makes sense.

I have text my CPN to say I'm going to come off the chlorpromazine, but she won't get that until Monday.

Just miss the fun and spark of mania. I was such a better mum, did loads of crafts and creative things, now I struggle to interact with him like I used to, the AP makes me dull and lifeless, and I'm depressed about that.

[Ballerina123]

Please be careful coming off your AP against medical advice especially when your pregnant.
Mania has its fun points but it also has its dangerous point where you do things that are out of character.

Please wait till Monday till you can speak to your cpn and get a professional opinion. You may be able to reduce the AP so you don't feel so flat. But coming off it completely and only being in an anti depressant could be highly risky.

Mania can be fun but it's not worth risking a baby over.

[Pomegranate]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like that. I recently came off my AP because things have been stressful and I knew I wouldn't care so much and would feel much more able to deal with things when I was hypomanic! Unfortunately after about three weeks of 'YayeverythingisbrightandamazingandALLthefantastic stuff' I seem to have found myself in a 'mixed episode', which is not as fun and although I'm now back on my AP, it's kind of continuing although things are definitely calmer. I'm sorry I have no real advice. I guess the best thing is to speak to your team on Monday and try and remember that your AP may also e stopping the depression getting worse. I really do understand wanting the high back though!

[random.swirls]

I think (and I may be wrong) but you posted when you were manic earlier on in the year and I don't think you particularly enjoyed it.

I often wish I was manic but know that it's only because I look at it with a rosy tint as I hate being depressed. But when I'm manic I get to a certain level and then it's not fun (well it is but the negatives outweigh the positives!)

I would also be really wary about changing your medication when pregnant as the last thing you want to happen is to become really unwell when pregnant and again I think when you become manic you become really unwell!

[Wellingtons]

Thanks for your replies. Yes I am prone to mixed episodes - my diagnosis is bipolar I (mixed), I'm hoping though that the pregnancy will be stabilising as it was in my last pregnancy. I just want to feel like myself again, without mental health or anti psychotics affecting my thoughts and feelings. Feel like I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place.

Mental health is so shitty.

[sherlock holmes]

Please don't change your meds by yourself. You need to think of your baby, and getting manic when you are pregnant is dangerous and you may end up sectioned in order to keep yourself safe.