possible causes of sexual dreams in childhood?

[Emmelberry]

not sure where to post this. i've never found information on sexual dreams in children who weren't abused, so i was wondering if there are alternative explanations? it's a long one but i just included what i thought relevant.
i began having strange and violent sexual dreams when i was around 3-5. i had nightmares every night (except for maybe once or twice a year) until i was 10. so getting to sleep was terrifying and staying asleep was hard.
around 6 i started obsessing over my worthlessness. i had a lot of thoughts that lead me to carry out compulsive behaviours to comply to my rules. i had engaged in frottage behaviour (objects, not people!). the compulsiveness and frottage went away maybe after a few years? i would occasionally have visual hallucinations. i began getting dissociation (i only remember having derealisation episodes).
these weren't things anyone was aware of until i got sent to CAIT at 17 and since some of my issues were outed i just decided to give up hiding it. in hindsight they would say i had ocd and that was when my depression (though it got more severe as did the associated dissociation and my hallucinations were auditory).
so. combination of dissociation, violent sexual dreams (very strange though i don't think i could explain without being quite graphic), frottage, compulsiveness and worthlessness it doesn't sound too good. but really it's the dreams that i couldn't think of an explanation for.
thanks for reading! appreciated!

[Copernicus]

I can see why all these symptoms are playing on your mind. I think it's something you really need to ask a psychologist or therapist about - is there any one you see at the moment?

These are my general thoughts on this, but bear in mind I don't have specialist knowledge so it may be wrong or not apply to you...

Young children do have sexual feelings and sensations, so vaguely sexual dreams wouldn't be too surprising. I think frottage is also just something some kids do. And lots have nightmares.

However the violent element seems disturbing and suggests something wrong. If the sexual content was graphic/ specific acts young children don't normally know about that suggests abuse. Disassociation is much more common in people who were abused but can still happen to people who weren't.

Is there anyone who knows you well you can talk to about this?

[Epicene]

I have to agree with the poster above. Sexual feelings in children are perfectly common, as are nightmares or fears surrounding unpleasant things like violence. The two combined sound more unusual though, especially at such a young age.

There is always the possibility that you witnessed a scene in a film or something which distressed you a lot as a child - determining cause and effect would be very difficult. But it sounds like this is worrying you a lot and as such it might be helpful to explore with a therapist in greater depth.

[sherlock holmes]

It's worth keeping in mind that very young children experience sexual thoughts, urges and masturbate. It's not unheard of for babies and toddlers to masturbate- children are very touchy feely and will quickly discover the things that give them pleasure, and then keep doing it.

As others have said, it's a bit more concerning that combined with the sexual desires you had violent and graphic imagery, which I suspect would be difficult to spontaneously think/dream of without having first seen it somewhere. It's possible you accidentally saw a film when you were young that had that sort of sexual violence in, which gave you the nightmares.

I think it would be best if you had someone you could explore this with, like a counsellor or therapist.

[Emmelberry]

thanks very much guys for replying!
it only recently occurred to me that it could be quite odd:/ i'd never really spoken about it and would be scared to because all of the shame.
i saw a psychiatrist at least weekly for about a year and a half (and a little time in IP before they decided they couldn't help me) after a referral from CAIT. but then i was discharged from CAHMs and the plan was i'd use uni support services or try to get to adult but uni can only offer me like a few sessions and counsellors think i'm too mentally interesting for them.
i was hoping it could have been something like a film but i have no idea where i could have encountered something so strange? could a film be enough to cause that kind of distress?

[sherlock holmes]

It's hard to say what might or might not have caused it really. Unless maybe you speak to your parents about it you might not know if you'd accidentally seen a graphic film, and that's if they remembered it happening.

Can you try asking your GP for a referral to adult services? In my experience they are more helpful than CAMHs.

[Emmelberry]

genuinely thank you so much to everyone who read and offered advice, you're the loveliest. it'd sincerely appreciated.
i could never speak to my parents about it, to be honest i'm surprised they haven't already rejected me.
i kind of just wanted to know to settle my mind a bit. i appreciate it but i'm never going to know so i think there's probably limited value in talking about it.
thank you so much Sherly for saying that about adult services! it's given me some faith in it as an option, especially considering what everyone else i've heard says about them! currently i think therapy wouldn't do much for me (i've kind of been working on talking with my friends and family since i've had a lot of therapy already as it's just talking that can be cathartic, professionals are very rarely able to say something that hasn't occurred to me as i'm a ridculous overthinker. it previously just worked with my psychiatrist because she was brilliant but by the end it was mostly just talking), i've tried CBT before so i think my only other option would be switching around my meds? which i'm hesitant to do as i've been quite unstable recently so it could be reeeeaaaally risky. also i've been introduced to meds for other stuff over the last while and am about to start a new one so it's probably a poor time.

[sherlock holmes]

It's worth bearing in mind that CBT is not the only talking therapy offered, though it's usually the most common.

I'm glad you've been talking with your friends and family, that sounds really positive.

[Epicene]

I just wanted to add to the post above and re-iterate that there are other forms of therapy. CBT is effective for making changes to thinking patterns and behaviour, but psychodynamic therapy is generally more useful for making sense of past experiences. It may not be the right time for you (and indeed, some people find it isn't available to them on the NHS) but it is something to bear in mind. There are always other professionals out there who may work with you more effectively and help you discover new ways of exploring issues, so don't feel your options are limited to medication.

[Copernicus]

I'll just add something as well.. but it would be a good idea to look into grounding techniques for disassociation if you haven't already. (It's worth learning them even if you're not getting episodes at the moment.)

I can see it may not be the best time to do psychotherapy -particularly if you're an over-thinker and have other sources of support.

[Emmelberry]

my dissociation is quite troublesome at the moment, in fact it's kind of why i'm currently failing my exams (sigh). last one later though! but it turns out some of it at least is related to atypical aura/partial seizure stuff. THANKS SO MUCH for acknowledging therapy might not be great for my right now and CBT ain't my thing. people aren't always so understanding.
i once went to counselling where she was trying to focus on the possible causes by questioning my upbringing. it may be stupid but i found it hard not to spend the time thinking...i guess? maybe? but there's no way of knowing and i struggle to see how saying there's a possible cause helps my current situation?
i'm going to admit i'm more of a biological/cognitive kinda gal so while i know psychodynamic is really the only way of explaining a lot of this stuff i can be a bit skeptical at times. i'm also wary of false memories or whatever (despite knowing repression makes more sense in my case, in fact in many cases, and that there's very limited evidence for them).