I feel like I am in a prison...

[sbless]

My depression has been around for 12 years... it isn't anything new. It is just so intense right now. Sometimes I wish I was back where I was 5.5 years ago so it would be okay to just end it :/ I love my husband and son too much to put that burden on them. I have had 7 miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy in the last 2 years. The last miscarriage nearly killed me, as I started bleeding to death. We are going to see a fertility doctor to try and help me get pregnant with more than one baby so that one can hopefully be healthy. I just don't know what to do anymore. :/ I feel so alone and nothing can be done it seems.

[lauracathrine1x]

I'm not exactly sure what to say, but you seem like such a strong person in my eyes, and there is always hope somewhere even when we cant see it. Take care, and the very best of luck. Laura. <3

[Unbreakable.]

I just wanted to let you know that I read this and that I am sorry you have been going through so many painful experiences. It must be incredibly hard to come to term with miscarriages, when it seems that you want to have another child. I hope you will be able to give birth to a healthy child without endangering yourself. <3

[sbless]

Thank you, we are starting treatment next cycle. I hope it works. I am falling apart it feels like. Last week was just NOT a good time for me.

[Unbreakable.]

Do you want to talk a little more about what is going on for you?

I am glad that you can start treatment soon, do you have any idea what your chances are for successful treatment and what kind of risks there are? I would imagine though that you have talked to doctors and got your info etc, so sorry if this is a dumb question!

[sbless]

I have just been dealing with depression for about half my life. Started cutting at the age of 14. When I got rpegnant with my son and married to the love of my life I expected things to be better. I went on medication when I started having a hard time and it worked! 3 years ago we started trying for baby #2 and when I got pregnant I went off the medication and have been off of it ever since. I won't go back on it until we are done trying to have a baby.

There really aren't a lot of risks for this treatment. It's an IUI with follitism. They will give me medication to help me ovulate, and since I ovulate already, it will just help me produce better quality and possible more than one egg. Then they give me a shot to make me ovulate at a certain time and then do the artificial insemination. My husband has a chromosome issue so they will try and get some of the "abnormal" sperm out before putting it inside me. Then we see if I get pregnant. I will be put on some precautionary drugs [blood thinners, hormones, etc.] to combat anything else that could be causing the miscarriages along with the chromosome issue.

It just sucks, I feel so alone in it all. I have lost friends and family because of the depression with my miscarriages and I hate it. I hate it so much.

[Unbreakable.]

Yeah, I was thinking you might not be on meds while trying to get pregnant. Are you having any form of support whatsoever? A therapist, a counselor, or similar? Somebody who checks in on you and works with you on the thoughts and emotions that come with MH issues?

Seems like you have all the bases covered and everything has been taken into consideration. I will keep my fingers crossed for this to work out. :)

I am sorry to hear that people turned away from you when you are having such a hard time. :/
Is there any way to meet people who have experienced similar that you can talk to? Like, I imagine there are groups out there for people who went through miscarriage and it might be easier for people who have gone through similar things to understand you and connect.

[sbless]

I do have a therapist I see once a week. I have been going for a few years and it helps a lot. I do belong to some Facebook groups that are jsut for people in my situation and that helps. But man, these dark phases creep up on me fast and hard :( Like, no warning.