Yams
02-09-2013, 11:44 AM
...but I really don't want to.
This Friday will be my 5th therapy appointment. At the time I signed up, I was ready to tell my therapist everything in the hopes that, one day, she'd be able to help me fix myself. And 4 or 5 weeks ago that was still fine, I had no problem with it.
Things have changed.
In the past week or 2, my self harm has gotten "worse". I don't personally see it like that, hence the quotation marks, but I understand that most would. Every time I do it I need to do it deeper than the time before, and so far I've been rising to that challenge spectacularly. I do believe that this new desire to mess my arm up worse and my active planning to take my life have something to do with each other.
But how do I tell my therapist that? She wants to deal with the trauma she thinks I've been struggling with; how can I slide in a comment about how I've been cutting more and checking the OD amounts of every pill in the house? And why would I want to? I'm feel like I'm walking on thin ice; if she thinks I'm a threat to myself she could try to have me put in a hospital. I know the chances are still pretty slim, such are the perks of living in the UK, but it's still one of my biggest fears.
So, basically, I need you guys' help. I want to tell my therapist, but only because I'm supposed to. I don't want to tell my therapist, but only because I'm scared to. What should I do?
This Friday will be my 5th therapy appointment. At the time I signed up, I was ready to tell my therapist everything in the hopes that, one day, she'd be able to help me fix myself. And 4 or 5 weeks ago that was still fine, I had no problem with it.
Things have changed.
In the past week or 2, my self harm has gotten "worse". I don't personally see it like that, hence the quotation marks, but I understand that most would. Every time I do it I need to do it deeper than the time before, and so far I've been rising to that challenge spectacularly. I do believe that this new desire to mess my arm up worse and my active planning to take my life have something to do with each other.
But how do I tell my therapist that? She wants to deal with the trauma she thinks I've been struggling with; how can I slide in a comment about how I've been cutting more and checking the OD amounts of every pill in the house? And why would I want to? I'm feel like I'm walking on thin ice; if she thinks I'm a threat to myself she could try to have me put in a hospital. I know the chances are still pretty slim, such are the perks of living in the UK, but it's still one of my biggest fears.
So, basically, I need you guys' help. I want to tell my therapist, but only because I'm supposed to. I don't want to tell my therapist, but only because I'm scared to. What should I do?