I'm very tired

[ccjg]

I don't want to be ugly and to fail. I don't want to be single or a virgin any more. I don't even want to think these things I've written because they're so shallow, they mean I must be a bad person, bad EVIL person and I wish it would all stop.

I just don't want to be like this

[TimesLikeThese]

Hi Carrie, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling right now. The things you've written don't make you a bad or evil person at all - you are in fact being very honest and open with how you feel and reaching out for help, which is good.

Do you have anything to distract you from these thoughts? Or anyone to support you - friends, family or professional?

[Moonlight Princess]

Carrie lovely I can relate to having intense thoughts like that when I'm having a bad night. A lot of the time we are our own worse critic. I can guarantee you that there is someone in your life (and more likely mutiple people) who will think you're beautiful and will have a much more accurate sense of your achievements.

Finding the right person to be with will come in time. I myself am still single. I used to worry about it when I was younger but now I realise that the older I am the more mature I am and the more I have learned about what I personally want from a relationship. When I do meet the right guy I think that will help me. There really is no deadline for a relationship and also just because people may have been in relationships from younger ages it does not necessarily follow that they are happier in them. I truly believe in the statement that when you stop looking-that's when you'll find someone.

Right now you can work on a relationship. The one with yourself.

[PassedExpectations]

what would make you ugly? what would make you fail?.... would those things make you think that other people were ugly or failures?.... it sounds like a fair amount of this pain is coming from not being in a relationship, and that you see being in a relationship as necessary for being a good person, or as proof of something positive. but the truth is that a relationship is neither of those. its just one of a whole ton of things that can make life full and meaningful. people actually tend to get good relationships when their life is meaningful and satisfying without desperately needing someone else, because that is when they are confident and ready to stick up for themselves, have passions to talk about, and will hold out for a healthy relationship (if you go into a relationship desperately needing someone, it leaves a lot of room for them to become abusive, or just to develop a very unbalance relationship that eventually collapses)... i've got to agree with Kiki's last statement, but i'd actually make it a little stronger: there IS a relationship you need to be working on right now, the one with yourself. because if you don't have a good relationship with yourself, you're not going to have a good one with anyone else

[ccjg]

I'm so sorry everyone i just feel like no one will ever want me . i hate myself tonight. i hate myself a lot. i wish i was nicer. i wish someone loved me.