I'm Stuck In Limbo...

[Kibou]

I really don't know where else to turn. It's hard to hold back the urges, and the desire to end it...If I knew no one would be hurt by the fact that I was gone, I would end it tonight. I'm so tired of feeling this way. I don't know what to do...

[Snow White.]

Hi Kibou,

I understand how you feel. I am in the same position at the moment and it's quiet overwhelming. Can you tell us a bit more about what is going on for you right now? Do you have any professional support at the moment or does any one know how you're feeling?

Please keep holding on, things can get better but you've just got to be around to see it. I know it may not feel like it now but I am really, really glad you've reached out here today.

[Fire Fly]

Kibou,
I'm sorry your struggling and feel as if there's no where else to fall back on. That seems so hard and things are difficult and that you feel like ending it. Is there anything in particular that is making you feel so low and upset?

Keep holding on love. You can get through this and you will. X

[Kibou]

I used to see a counselor, but I haven't in months. It was more tedious to go than it was helpful. I was diagnosed with depression and I've been on Prozac for about two months. It seemed like it was helping for a few weeks, but I began feeling the same way I had prior to starting the medicine and it's only been getting worse. Depression is all I can really blame right now. I feel like I'm losing a battle with myself and I don't know how to turn it around. Medication was kinda my last resort, and since that's failing I don't know what else to do. I've talked to my boyfriend and my mom about it, and as I said, they're really the only reason I don't give up. I'm living for them, not myself, and I know that's not how it should be. I really appreciate the support, thank you for the replies <3 I should be seeing my doctor in about a week, so if I can make it to then hopefully she'll have some answers for me.

[secret squirrel]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I sometimes feel similar in that the main reason I stay alive is for other people. But I try to hang on to the hope that things will change. There are always new options to explore. In your case, maybe the counselor wasnt the right one for you? Have you thought about looking for another counsellor? Or considering a different kind of treatment, as there are many sorts of talking therapies? Also, maybe your doctor could review the dosage of Prozac. It may be that you need a higher dose. And if that doesn't work, there are so many other anti-depressants that you could try. I hope you can manage to hang on in there and that your doctor can help x

[Kibou]

Thank you. I'm hoping at the appointment we'll discuss raising the dosage or trying something different...I want to want to live my life, but right now all I want to do is cut...I feel like I'm a burden on my family and friends if I go to them about any of this, so I've tried to make myself get better, but that's not an option right now. I'm starting to think that, after my family accepted I was gone, they'd be better without me...

[PassedExpectations]

if the doctor happens to bring up trying counseling again, i would ask him about getting a reference for CBT. general counseling can take a lot of different forms, many of which aren't particularly effective, but if you can get a therapist who is well versed in a clinically effective (has been proven in multiple studies to work for many people with depression) for it is often a lot more helpful.

what do you want to do with your life? when you say "live your life" what exactly does that mean to you? there are probably ways that you can start to do those things now, you don't need to wait until you're recovered... often a component of recovering is actually starting to do the things that you care about, as they can help lift you out of the depression.

all you want to do is cut, but you know that cutting won't take that feeling away for long. it will just come back, often stronger and even harder to fight. it is tough and uncomfortable, but you need to not harm, and not give in to the urge, until the feeling subsides. wanting to cut doesn't mean that you need to cut. your'e still in control of what you do and what choices you make

[Kibou]

My mom called me yesterday and said she may try to contact a psychiatrist who knows more about antidepressants and how to deal with side effects and that sort of stuff...I'm actually really happy to hear that. Yesterday was a bad day for me, and I was planning on talking to her about seeing a counselor anyway. Psychiatrist sounds promising. I may look into CBT as well. At this point I'm up for anything. I don't want to destroy my body any more. I want help. I'm doing my best to control the urges, but it keeps getting harder.

[my_smile_is_fake]

Can I just say how blooming strong you are!!! Just reading those few posts from you I think you're a wonderful person. Although right now is probably one of the hardest times in your life and definitely one of the time you least wanna fight for yourself or do anything for yourself. Yet you are willing fight because you don't want to hurt those that love you the most. It just shows that you are a caring person. Also you say you are willing to try anything and you dont want to destroy your body is a brilliant start. Showing you are willing to change and accept you need to work for it gives you the best possible start there is. Try and keep that attitude of wanting to change and caring for those you love.

Sorry not much advice there, just wanted to point out that you're a great person xxx

[Kibou]

That really just made my night...thank you so much. It means the world to hear that, especially right now...that's what I needed.

[Snow White.]

You are doing an AMAZING job reaching out for the support around you and I am so glad your mum has searched out a psychiatrist also. They are often the best people to speak with regarding medication and the fact you had some relief from prozac in the beginning is a good sign, so maybe if you can get the medication reviewed it will be a good start to letting you get back to how you want things to be.

Keep holding on, things are moving forward in really subtle ways but they are, help is coming. Just hold on. If you continue to feel at risk can you maybe ask if there are earlier appointments with your GP?

Wishing you all the best, keep up the good fight x

[Kibou]

Thank you so much. Last night really opened my eyes to a lot about myself and what's going on and who I've been affecting. It was one of the worst nights I've ever had regarding depression and suicidal thoughts. Luckily I had my two best friends with me and they helped me through...and everyone that's been supporting me on here, it really means a lot. It's good to know that, even when I feel like I'm going crazy or I can't make it through, people are seeing a positive change in me and they have faith. Thank you all again <3