i just realized something*trig*

[I Miss You]

that im never going to be happy ever again
that i should just face reality
that i will never be whole
that i will never be the same
that mabye ppl here are better off without me
that i am a disgrace
that i have hurt people here
that i miss my best freind and his family
that i want to give up soooo bad


im sooo tried of fighting..fighting this illness..been doing it for sooo long now...cant keep doing this..cant keep pretending that im okay..when im not even close..i dont even know what "okay" is...i really dont know what to do..i wish i didnt have to me..i really wish i was never born:crying:

[_Aisha_]

Am so sorry you are feeling so bad
i wish there was something i could do to make you feel better
there are no words

my step dad killed himself 2 year ago in September
it was hard to deal with losing someone like that

Do you have anyone that you can contact or call a crisis line ?

Am so sorry you are struggling
if you need anything please pm me

[youonlyliveonce]

Have you even read the thread bout you on veterans support page and wat we said

[Snow White.]

Drew you've been without the site now for a month and I think the fact you're still alive shows you DO have coping skills and you can get through the difficult times, even though it is difficult.

So you have those skills but it sounds like your thoughts are very negative. I suggest you'd benefit from some therapy (CBT probably) to help you reframe your thoughts. I think it's time you got that help cause it seems to be what is missing.

Will you get professional help?

[I Miss You]

yeah..i read it
i was kinda getting the feeling that you guys dont want me around anymore:crying:

[Snow White.]

I think the point is you've got to start to work with us Drew for us to be able to help you, or else it's going to go around in circles. Not that we don't want you here. But for instance - you haven't answered my question above (or even acknowledged it).

[I Miss You]

i..im sorry i shouldnt have jumped to conclusions like that...i was just paranoid...

whats CBT?

[Snow White.]

Cognitive behavior therapy. It's a type of talking therapy.

[youonlyliveonce]

You need to go to ur gp and ask for help today to get the ball rolling

[I Miss You]

mabye im just hopeless...
mabye im just not worth anything
christ..i dont even know what im talking about
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

[youonlyliveonce]

Listen to us for once and go to ur gp

[Snow White.]

see those are the negative thoughts that therapy could help you manage.
I agree a good place to start is your doctor.
I think you should make an appointment as soon as you Can before you feel worse.
what do you think?

[I Miss You]

i think it would be a good idea...but then everyone would find out...
when i came back and read what you guys posted...tbh i felt hurt..like i was being ganged up on...like i was being attacked...

but now i realizw what you were trying to do..you just had my best intrest at heart

[youonlyliveonce]

No one needs to find out n tbh the way u behave they probably already know u need to change something as ur going round in circles n u can't keep threatening ur suicide

[Snow White.]

Even if they do find out they will be able to support you, that's IF they find out.
I agree you need the support right now x

[I Miss You]

believe it or not..i love everyone here..ryl is like my family...
i would do anything for anyone whi is suicidal or in pain...

thats what russell would have wanted me to do....*cries*

[youonlyliveonce]

So instead of hitting itself go get help no offence but there is only so much we can do n it's obv not helping soGO GET HELP

[Snow White.]

Yup and Russell would want you to get that professional support right now.

Is it something you could look into? How would you go about it at the moment? I think you need to start planning it and if it will happen, instead of avoiding the questioning (ie. we know you love us, didn't say that wasn't true).

[nowhereman]

i would do anything for anyone whi is suicidal or in pain...s*

So please please do something for yourself. Like the others said, go see your gp. We're not ganging up on you, but there is only so much we can do here and we all just want you to get help and be happy.

[I Miss You]

i know you do
but im very hard to get close too
i dont trust many people..because i have been hurt so bad
i just think that im no good
mabye im just too far gone...idk
im sorry..im just rambling...
dont know what to do at this point
i'll shut up

[Snow White.]

"I don't know what to do at this point"

You need help so you're not going through this alone.
Make a doctors appointment?

[I Miss You]

i know..i know
im just so scared

i just feel bad for posting

[youonlyliveonce]

Well why dontbu make more of an effort to get help and then u can make more positive posts

[Cacoethes]

Drew, everything I've ever seen you post consists of the same kind of thing. It's been a long time as well.

What do you want us to say?
You've had some very helpful replies, but I get the feeling that even if someone had said 'you should shave a flying monkey' you would STILL give the same response as you always do.

All we can say, and have said, is ask for professional help.

[Snow White.]

I understand you're scared. I'm scared when I get help too.
But you have to decide if you want to keep living like this or if you want to face that fear and get help.
Your choice.
What do you choose?

[I Miss You]

im going to look into that....
i..im sorry for everything