Feel like giving up

[darlkill]

I just generally feel like giving up the fight with my depression, Things happen like my brother taking his frustrations out on me and my dad is controlling telling me what to do and trying to control me life for me all I want is to tell him to get lost, he went to see my gp when I was meant to have a appointment I was running two minutes late so I sat down in the waiting area and I seen my dad walking out of the room and he said there she is so the gp took me in and started to talk to me like normal and I was upset/ angry that she knew that my dad was on holiday and she decided to increase my dosage and tell me to carry on going to see someone, that day I ran away from home and slept in my car because my dad went on and on about kicking me out of the house and not getting help but its my choice, I had a another fall out with my dad regarding going through my car looking at stuff and walked out but I didn't get far because he decided to pick me up and take me back to the house all I want to do is run away or im thinking doing something stupid because I cant trust the gp or my family

[Pomegranate]

I've read this and it's obvious things ate difficult and you have a difficult relationship with your dad. Can you elaborate a little more? What are you struggling with aside from your father?

[Patent Pending]

It sounds like you're really feeling trapped and distressed right now. The situation with your father sounds very difficult.

Are you seeing anyone besides your GP regarding your MH/emotional state?

I often find running away solves very little and could actually make your father act in a more controlling way to over compensate.

Can you talk to us about what you're going through and more of how you're feeling?

x x x

[darlkill]

its when he talks to me.he has two tones one your doing it my way.and the other.one is like i dont care,i went away last night to see a mate of mines and l left my phone in the car by accident n he was phoning n texting everyone saying that i ran.away again etc so when i got back i got a lecture from him n he like talk to.me but i ended up being quiet, so today he is working from home dont know why, in a way o feel smuthered by him n its like its my way or no.way,

my brothe hits me when he is frustrated n i find making friends difficult because of what happened in the past from my brother, n my dad is like why do u want to go n meet friends they are using you etc...


yeah im seeing a think it is a counselor but i had my first appointment with him like 1 week ago n i got another one i 5 weeks time dont understand why its so far apart its frustrating anything could happen in the space of time,
all i can see n tye future me being unhappy n single with nobody may as well end it now

[Cacoethes]

things sound really hard right now, but try and persevere with the counselling, it's worth waiting to see if it will help
x

[PassedExpectations]

is there anyone in your life right now that you have a good relationship with?

it is very frustrating that the appts are so far apart, but if you can hold out until the first one, then you can maybe ask about getting them closer together

[darlkill]

thankyou for your responses, my last counselor was leaving n i felt fine but i did say to him i can see me going downhill again so he gave me a number to phone to get a appointment needed which i did, n thids new one was like i dont know anything all i know is your name is that it nhe thought it was just a review,

i am close to my brothers girlfriend because she has been there in the past, but she has two kids of her own n there is times where i dont want to bother her with stuff n sometimes my brother finds out then i cant alk to her,

last night my dad phoned my gran who is 80 n said that i ran away again she was worrying alot during the night n today which i feel bad about i was nearly in tears on the phone n i wanted to get off the phone but yet again i dont want to bother her because of her age

[darlkill]

it is very frustrating that the appts are so far apart, but if you can hold out until the first one, then you can maybe ask about getting them closer together[/QUOTE]

thats a good idea but i will see my gp on the 27th of this month and hopefully the idea of writing my thoughts n my feelings down in a book but i feel that my dad will find it

[Patent Pending]

That does sound really tough. Is there anyone you feel close to in your life; be it family or friends? I know it's hard when you're dad is saying destructive comments like that about friends/friendships but try to believe the truth of the relationships rather than his words.

It can be frustrating when counselling appointments are so far apart...can you see if there is anyway you can maybe see them more regularly?

x x x

[darlkill]

been thinking i do have one thats close but he lives in england n in a way he doesnt understand or know what to say when im like this, im just so frustrated and i feel like wasting peoples time.on this n my gps because im not worthy of it, i wish i could hide it like when i was younger but i cant i keep failing at it

[darlkill]

today wasnt good this morning i notice that both sets of cars keys were gone to my car i felt low in the morning but i met up with a friend nher kifs to distract me but just now hearing ringing in my ears n its getting louder its prob the prozac that im on buts its driving me insane

[darlkill]

I keep on rambling on and on but its good to get it out, Today felt a bit more happier but I was going to drive a coach for the first time and I was just pooping myself because I was scared that would crash the bus or something worse, but I know that is my mind racing with stories which are unreal but it makes me worried and scared and end up low again it just frustrating

[PassedExpectations]

can you do anything that would redirect your thinking and cut the scenarios short? (in a healthy way)... sometimes i just find it helpful to take a breath and literally tell myself something like "ok Katie, your mind is running away with stories right now. but thinking things doesn't mean that they are likely to happen"... just identifying that the thoughts are irrational and that i don't need to pay attention to them can help me give them less power over my emotions

[darlkill]

I normally try and play games on my phone as a distraction but it sometimes work and sometimes doesn't, Im feeling like im agitated at the moment like I need to go for a mad drive or something just to get out my system, I hate feeling like this all my moods going around from sad to angry happy to unhappy

[darlkill]

yesterday was a bad day my mum told me that my aunties dog died the night before, i sed to like walking him when i was younger and he was agreat dog,

arrgh im actually feeling on edge just now

[darlkill]

not togood i feel like im on edge like excited or have loads of energy n iwant to move all the time my dad is still treating me lile a 5 year old

[darlkill]

im so numb just now there has been good times this week butsi feel bad i almost said i dont care to my dad today

[darlkill]

its getting worse i couldnt stop crying for hours last night n istarted to buy stuff to od n i already have a date set on doing it

[darlkill]

omg things arent getting any better, im makingmyself sick now as a way last night i went out to a party but before that my parents were like you look like a tink, i rather curl up in my room n cry for years n years i dont hqve anything to lve for exvept my niece n my nephew n thats it

[darlkill]

arrgh i give up its not like i care anymore nobody does i hate my life theres no point in it at all