I really need some help with this...

[SadlyMe]

My best friend is very depressed, and suicidal.
She has been like this for about 2 years, getting worse as time continues. She self harms; overdoses, purges, cuts, starves and is generally very (very) reckless.

She gets stressed very easily and with our final year of GCSE, she is really dreading it.
We have to go back to school soon, in about 5 weeks.

I have found her private account on twitter, which has some very upsetting things on.
She is not intending returning to school. She wants to die. And I know she is not attention seeking. It's serious.
The whole situation is making me experience extreme anxiety. I have tried to talk to her so many times, I can't do anything, making me feel so useless. I'm really bad at talking which doesn't help anything.
I was seeing my school counsellor for a short time, for things. During this I expressed by deep concerns, the counsellor said she would put my best friend on the list to see her and told me the 'it is not my responsibility to deal with this'. This was just under a year. Nothing has happened, I am extremely angry at this. Now it is too late.

I really have no idea what to do anymore, she doesn't know I feel like this, I haven't told her, because she would just further hide everything.

Please has anyone got any suggestions on what to do. I am away for most of the holidays which also doesn't help things.

[Pi.R^2]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this; watching a friend self-destruct can be so distressing.

Are you sure that your friend didn't end up seeing the counsellor? It's possible that they've spoken but you just weren't told?

I think you should speak to an adult about your concerns, as this is something too big for you handle on your own, and it's not fair on you having to cope with it alone.

Could you write her a letter or email, saying how worried you are, letting her know all the things you love about her, and offering to go with her to see her GP to ask for help?

Remember if you're ever genuinely concerned that she has attempted suicide and you can't contact her, then you can call your local police and request that they do a welfare check (obviously this isn't something to do all the time, just in really extreme cases, and hopefully you'll never end up in that position).

Do you see anyone for your own anxiety issues? Do you think it might help to have some support?

You're being a great friend by reaching out and asking for help in supporting her. Hopefully one day when she's doing a lot better she'll be really grateful for how much you tried to help.

[PassedExpectations]

i think the two biggest things to realize are this: the counselor is right, her decisions aren't your responsibility. at the end of the day, she is the only one who decides whether to hurt herself or not. i think that it is your responsibility to not keep this secret for her when doing so could lead to her serious harm, but nothing more than that. and secondly, it may not be too late! i would contact a counselor for her again, even offer to go with her to a session, or just to the waiting area (also, with before, the counselor probably could not tell you whether or not your friend went because of confidentiality, so it would be up to your friend to decide whehter to go, and whether to tell you about it).

[cloudedmind]

I just wanted to add that I know how you feel, my friend is bipolar and often OD's / self-harms / does crazy impulsive things, and although it is a wonderful feeling to be able to help someone (and a valuable characteristic - hold on to it, it's precious) it can also be a huge burden in terms of constant worrying.

I think the important thing to remember is that when you feel it is too much, you need to take a step back and breathe. It's not a bad thing to not be there 24/7, you need to put your health first (if only to be in a good enough place to even be able to support your friend).

I echo the wonderful advice given above, too. Has your friend got any professional support? Perhaps you could mention if she'd go to her GP and discuss what's going on (you could offer to go with her if that'd help). If she is 16 which I'm guessing she must be if you've just done your GCSEs, then it's confidential and they won't tell her parents or anything. :)

First and foremost, though, make sure you look after yourself and take time away from your friend to relax and wind down, as stress and worry about people close to you in particular can take its toll.

[SadlyMe]

Hi, thanks for all the help.

I'm 100% sure she never saw councillor. I would try and get her to see them but the problem is the councillor is at our school, we are on holidays :/
Also she is completely refusing to speak to anyone face-to-face about anything, she said it absolutely terrifies her.

We went up to the docs to see if a doctor/counsellor could speak to her over the phone but they said they only do medical telephone consultations, and she would need to speak to her doctor to get a referral to a counsellor.
But she won't speak to the doctor.

Also because we are under 16, she doesn't want her mom to know, her mom thinks she is fine now, and they don't get on very well... At all.
I was going to speak to my mom about this, but she would tell my friend's mom, which would make things worse.

I have no idea what to do D:
Does anyone know of a counsellor/professional support that she could speak to on the phone?
(also I'm not going to see her in person for the next 5 weeks, I can contact her through the internet and things though)


Myself, I'm stable, but extremely sensitive so this is distressing me a lot. I'm making sure I relax often and take my mind of everything.

[Pi.R^2]

There are many helplines that she could call if she needed to talk to someone, and I'm sure there is some telephone counselling/therapy in existence but I'm afraid I don't know any specifics.

Could you maybe speak to your mum and ask her not to tell your friend's mum? I think it's really important for an adult to be involved in this, to take some of the responsibility away from you.