Threads about suicide

[random.swirls]

Hi everyone!

The mods have been aware that there has been an increasing number of posts around suicide and giving details of a suicide date in the future. These posts are distressing to members and going forward the mods will be clamping down on them as whilst the threat is not immediate they are incredibly unfair on members who are providing support and worrying about what said member will do.

Whilst we don't want to stop members posting about suicidal feelings and thoughts because I know from personal experience how valuable the support that RYL that gives can be. The moderators will be removing or editing posts that are along the lines of the member having definitive plans that will be carried out in due course.

[GlitterTrashDoll]

Thanks for the update, and letting us know Cam. (:
I think it's a good idea to do this.

[Unbreakable.]

I think this is a very reasonable thing to do. :)

[Pi.R^2]

I agree. Will the rules be updated to include this?

Additionally, could you give examples of what would be acceptable and what would not?

Furthermore, do the rules apply equally to R/Vs? I'm aware that sometimes rules are more lax on R/Vs.

[MissAnonymous]

What Jenna said.

Cos she asks ALL the suitable questions.

[GlitterTrashDoll]

Personally, I would think they would still apply because it's be confusing to have one rule for one board and not for the other.

[Pi.R^2]

Amy, I just think I remember a few of my post reports being replied to with the reason for not editing being that it's the R/V board, so they're allowing it as part of a personal rant.
Could of made that up though!

[GlitterTrashDoll]

Ah okay, fair enough.

[Snow White.]

Good work mods! Thank you :)

[Bleeding Angel]

But its not going to be allowed on either bit if people are posting "going to kill myself tomorrow, i have ALL the materials ready and im doing it at 2pm and no one can stop me, goodbye world." People can talk about it generally but not specifics of how why and when they are going to do it.

[Pi.R^2]

Mari, but suicide notes and threats were not allowed anyway, so I imagine it's more vague stuff that's being banned now? I'm thinking "I hate my life and wish to engage in ALL of the dying" would still be allowed, but "I hate my life and plan to engage in ALL the dying sometime soon" would not? With emphasis on the 'plan'.

But I'm just speculating here!

[Unbreakable.]

I was wondering about that. How exactly would this be different from what is already established by the rules?

[GlitterTrashDoll]

I think some things are allowed at the minute because I have seen in some R/V's saying I'm going to X tomorrow. [X indicating a place where they thought about committing suicide] and it's not been edited/removed. However, with these new rules I think that woudn't be allowed, however if there were to say "I don't want to be alive anymore" etc would be allowed.

[Bleeding Angel]

Ive not seen the threads but i assume they have all at some point said a date/time/method/suicide note in the post and thats why, but i think some people do try and be vague on purpose to get around it such as "im taking pills right now as we speak" when its obvious what they are doing

[griddlebone]

I havent had a chance to catch up with this but I think its like 'Im counting down the days until the date, not long now and then I wont be here anymore' stuff like that.

[Unbreakable.]

It still sounds very vague to me but I think I have a better idea now in how it's different from existing rules.

[talaiporia]

^People have been posting "I will kill myself on X date in Y month, and I'm counting down the days, but I'd like to woe until then." in Serious. Fair enough, some people set dates a while off, but it's upsetting knowing whatever you say will not be good enough (and makes the thread essentially a Goodbye note).

Good work mods! Thank you :)

[Unbreakable.]

^People have been posting "I will kill myself on X date in Y month, and I'm counting down the days, but I'd like to woe until then." in Serious. Fair enough, some people set dates a while off, but it's upsetting knowing whatever you say will not be good enough (and makes the thread essentially a Goodbye note).


For me that would be the kind of thing that is already covered by the rules though? Or am I being slow?

[griddlebone]

Its not covered in the rules really because its not saying like....'im killing myself right now/tonight' or so on. The length of time was something we hadnt really covered because it never came up.

[Bleeding Angel]

See i thought he rules would have covered it because either way you are still saying you are defiantly going to kill yourself and your doing all the planning and goodbyes and so fourth.

[squirrelspit]

suicide notes are banned so it put a stop to the 'i cant do this, goodbye, i wont be here tomorrow' type threads, but increasingly (when i was moderating at least) there were threads along the lines of 'i just wish x date would hurry up' 'i had always said i would be dead by 20 and thats in a week.. i have found nothing to live for' so lile, kind of suicide notes or information pertaining to commiting suicide, yet without actually flaunting the existing rules.

[Unbreakable.]

See i thought he rules would have covered it because either way you are still saying you are defiantly going to kill yourself and your doing all the planning and goodbyes and so fourth.


I'm with you. But I guess as precise as the rules are different people might still end up interpreting them in different ways.

Thanks for clearing this up and like I said before, I think this is a good and useful rule to have.

[Pi.R^2]

Yeah, I think I get the difference.

So you can say you're feeling suicidal and maybe that you're making plans, but not definite plans? I guess because if plans are actually definite they wouldn't be posting on RYL. By posting, they're suggesting they're not 100% certain, in which case posting "I'm feeling suicidal and am considering plans" is more honest than "I have the tools, popping my clogs in a few days folks!"

[squirrelspit]

i dont even think 'i have a plan' (not to be confused with 'i have a dream') is so bad. i mean, how many of us have planned out suicide. its more the sort of giving members a count down that i think is out of order. Giving the member the responsibility of knowing there are a certain amount of days they have to 'save' you is wholly unfair on the members of the community that actually really worry about the anonymous faces behind the typing.

[ChocolateMarvel]

Yeah, I think I get the difference.

So you can say you're feeling suicidal and maybe that you're making plans, but not definite plans? I guess because if plans are actually definite they wouldn't be posting on RYL. By posting, they're suggesting they're not 100% certain, in which case posting "I'm feeling suicidal and am considering plans" is more honest than "I have the tools, popping my clogs in a few days folks!"

Jenna.... you have such a way with words!

Also I agree with Charlie. Just because I do :p

[Pi.R^2]

Although, at least when people say how many days away it is, I can plot a Plan of Action, and contact the relevant people at the relevant times. I would personally find it more difficult to deal with a definite threat without a timeline, like "I have xyz [as in tools/pills/spoons], the date is fixed, I'll be gone soon".

[griddlebone]

Although, at least when people say how many days away it is, I can plot a Plan of Action, and contact the relevant people at the relevant times. I would personally find it more difficult to deal with a definite threat without a timeline, like "I have xyz [as in tools/pills/spoons], the date is fixed, I'll be gone soon".

Im not sure how to make sure my tone isnt interpreted as being sarcastic,so Im just going to say that what Im about to write isnt meant in a sarcastic or mean way :P

Its good for you that youre able to make a plan of action and you know what to do when someone is in the position of wanting to kill themselves. But there are members that dont have to tools to make a plan of action and so although helpful to you, for the majority of people reading it its distressing that their hands are tied with not being able to help.

[squirrelspit]

yeah Jenna, but that assumes you have the relevant information needed to make a plan of action. some members are just anonymous faces behind screens. Others may not have any other information to be able to create such a plan, or to do anything that to try and change their mind over an internet forum.

[squirrelspit]

or you know.. what Liv said.

[Unbreakable.]

I don't think Jenna meant to say "screw that rule".

[squirrelspit]

i dont think anyone implied that she did..

[Unbreakable.]

I wanted to write something longer first but then felt I was too tired and lacked concentration and posted the summary.
Bad idea I guess. :P

[griddlebone]

No one said that O.o

[random.swirls]

Charlie has made a lot of sense.

Currently the rules state

Please do not make suicide threats or 'goodbye notes'. While this might seem harsh, suicide threats are extremely unfair on a website full of caring people who have no way of helping you, no way of knowing you're safe and no way of letting anyone know. Of course, people will express their doubts about life and living, but goodbye threats cannot be permitted; it is much more beneficial to ask for support before you get to that stage, since a true 'goodbye note' wouldn't be looking for response anyway. This also applies to any threats made regarding any way to harm oneself.

For example : "this is my last post ever, by the time you read this I will be gone", "pills are gone ... feeling really sleepy ... cant do it anymore ... sorry."

Aka it's in the here and now and the attempt will take place asap.

But what is happening more and more now is as Charlie says I'm going to do it in two weeks or when x happens or I'm getting the plan ready and that isn't fair on anyone because whilst jenna for example you may know the person and be able to get help (and thats fab) unless you state it publically on the thread people will still worry and so on.

It's not against the rules to say I'm feeling really suicidal and I'm beginning to make plans but I just don't know what to do thereby acknowledging how bad your feeling but your open to help

I'm tired so hope this makes some sense as I say charlie makes lots of sense!

[Unbreakable.]

I think what I meant to say is that while I can't know what Jenna was thinking when posting that I don't think she meant to say that it would be ok or that she would encourage people to post such dates/plans.
And from what had been posted afterwards I couldn't tell if people felt that was what she was doing. If that is not the case you can obviously just ignore what I said. Sorry if I came across as rude/aggressive/ ... whatever. I didn't mean to.

Cam- you make a lot of sense to me. I guess I just got that rule wrong so far in assuming that it covered an aspect it didn't. No harm done I guess. And I'm glad this is taken care of.

[Pi.R^2]

I guess I just mean in general, like even if you don't have the means to arrange a practical intervention, you know the kind of time frame you're working with and how long you've got to 'talk them out of it', so to speak?

And that makes ALL of the sense Cam, thanks for the explanation :)

[griddlebone]

I guess I just mean in general, like even if you don't have the means to arrange a practical intervention, you know the kind of time frame you're working with and how long you've got to 'talk them out of it', so to speak?

And that makes ALL of the sense Cam, thanks for the explanation :)

I see where youre coming from,I guess it comes down to what you prefer (how odd does that sound D: ) Like I personally would hate to know the date, I would be counting them down and completely freaking out if I couldnt do anything and then (again I personally) wouldnt know what to do on the day, I wouldnt be able to be functioning properly in my life if I knew someone was going to off themselves on a certain day and I couldnt help.

But as I say thats just down to how people cope and so on.

[whirlpools]

I think an update to the rules is a good idea.

Just so I'm clear, what's the policy on saying things like:

Bought [suicide tool] today.
or
Went to [suicide place] today.

Can't imagine I'd ever put it like that but couldn't think of a better way to explain it!

[The One Who]

Charlie makes sense. As someone who doesn't read Serious, I've not noticed this as a problem, but seems like a good idea to clamp down on it. If someone posts something like the above, and people think they only have a week to "talk someone out of it" then that's not only unfair on the members, but screams as being attention-seeking and rather manipulative. Also, if they are so set on their "plan", what is the point of trying to talk someone out it.

[Snow White.]

I see where youre coming from,I guess it comes down to what you prefer (how odd does that sound D: ) Like I personally would hate to know the date, I would be counting them down and completely freaking out if I couldnt do anything and then (again I personally) wouldnt know what to do on the day, I wouldnt be able to be functioning properly in my life if I knew someone was going to off themselves on a certain day and I couldnt help.

But as I say thats just down to how people cope and so on.


I agree with this, and that is why I like that this rule is in place. It's hard enough to read that people you care about are suicidal, but that you only have x days to make a difference and nothing you say seems to be making that difference, it's incredibly anxiety provoking, particularly if people aren't able to intervene in real life.

[Gone.]

I understand that there has been an increase in suicide note threads and I can see why the mods are clamping down on it. I dislike there being a parallel between attention-seeking/manipulative because this is precisely what some people are afraid of and yes, it's not the best way to ask for help and it is incredibly anxiety-provoking/should be stopped but sometimes people don't know how else to ask and they feel so desperate, all they feel they can do is to write a suicide note. In this respect, as well as a clamp down, I feel that maybe some kind of initiative regarding how to ask for support, perhaps, may be effective here.

[The One Who]

^ There are already lots of threads (is it a sticky as well?) regarding ways to ask for support and how best to get replies. Or at least there were ages ago.

To be quite honest, if someone is that set in killing themselves, then they should be seeing a professional. There is only so much that RYL can do for them.

[Snow White.]

I just want to clarify that although I think it is anxiety provoking for those watching, I don't think it is deliberately manipulative, I think it comes from desperation and acknowledge also that maybe encouraging other support is a good idea before it gets to that point.

I don't think anyone is judging the people writing the posts, just that the dates/countdown should be removed, perhaps increasing focus on what is going on now and what can be done in the present.

[Gone.]

To be quite honest, if someone is that set in killing themselves, then they should be seeing a professional. There is only so much that RYL can do for them.
I agree that RYL shouldn't be the only source of support and if someone is suicidal, they should seek alternative forms of support. However, some people really are that desperate and don't know who else to turn to, hence the posting of suicide notes on RYL.

As for the stickies, I think I have seen some. Maybe that should be bumped again (though I know this is tricky if it's a sticky - I did chuckle at the rhyming there, I need a life). If this is an increasing issue, though, surely some kind of RYL initiative, be that maybe by the Supporters, would be useful?

There needs to be more of a focus upon support and moving on, rather than people feeling that the only way they can get help is via a suicide note.

[Buttons.]

Maybe The Supporters could write a little something in Serious, acknowledging the rule changes and reminding people of more constructive ways of handling their suicidal feelings and accessing useful support.

[The One Who]

I agree that RYL shouldn't be the only source of support and if someone is suicidal, they should seek alternative forms of support. However, some people really are that desperate and don't know who else to turn to, hence the posting of suicide notes on RYL.

As for the stickies, I think I have seen some. Maybe that should be bumped again (though I know this is tricky if it's a sticky - I did chuckle at the rhyming there, I need a life). If this is an increasing issue, though, surely some kind of RYL initiative, be that maybe by the Supporters, would be useful?

There needs to be more of a focus upon support and moving on, rather than people feeling that the only way they can get help is via a suicide note.

I don't know if that says something about RYL itself, that people don't know how to, or can't(?) access the support they want without going to such extreme measures? It's sort of a known fact that those who are 'worse' or 'desperate' tend to get slightly more of a response.

I did a very quick skim for the stickies and couldn't see them. Does anyone know what/where they are, and could they be bumped and perhaps re-written to include this new rule? I think if the supporters want to do something then that'd be great, whether or not it is in combination with this.

[Snow White.]

To me, this isn't a reflection on ryl, this is a reflection on a much more widespread issue, such as in the mental health system itself, where you can often be ignored unless you're at the point of making these threats.

As unfortunate as it is, its human nature that more serious things get more attention: but here at ryl we recognise everyone deserves support no matter what the problem is, but unfortunately its hard when you're in a desperate place to not think more is more, and then write in such a manner.

[random.swirls]

There is the suicide sticky in serious

[Lilo]

What should we do if we see someone saying something like "In X days this will all be over. I can't wait to leave". Who've also posted the number of days until they plan to commit suicide. But it's in a R/V

Should we report the post or PM a mod?

[Gone.]

I think that, following this thread, such a post should be reported?

[Greyscale]

To be clear, since despite reading this whole thread I haven't been able to figure it out, is it just banned to say the number of days/weeks/etc, or is it also banned to say "soon"? And in that vein, would it be banned to say "I want to kill myself soon" but be actually asking for support - not making it a definite statement that they are going to do it.

I'm sorry if this has been answered, but I clearly missed it. I just want to know so if I see it, I can post report accordingly.

[MissAnonymous]

Maybe I'm just an impulsive person, but planning suicide weeks in advance is a ironic. If you have made the decision with pure certainty, what is the wait for? Other than to see if someone will attempt to change their mind?

I'm all for people saying they feel suicidal, have been planning suicide, or even have a date they are THINKING of. But to state a decision has been made is unfair. And to say when that date is, to me, cruel on other people.

I'm not saying I don't understand the ways and chains of events that people experiance leading up to posting such things, but the community has to be protected to remain supportive and productive. I'd be put off supporting someone who has made the choice already, even if I feel compelled to reply, it creates unfairness that I may not wish to or feel able to reply, but the human nature of caring may then compel me to. That is to me, how it becomes unfair.

I have personally experianced many people on RYL saying they're going to do xyz on x day and have become somewhat blunt towards it, unless I know the person very well and could actually help tangibly.

I guess this rule is for the majority of people who when looking at such threads would have no tools to help tangibly. Besides, if the person was well known, surely the information would be expressed or conversed over in private, outside of RYL.

I'd be interested in how the new rule would be defined however.

[talaiporia]

^ Sometimes financial reasons (life insurance), or family situations (weddings, graduations, births, etc.). It depends what your reason is.
I did know someone a while back, who had a date fixed (certain) - he was waiting for his daughter to graduate college (USA). Nothing would have changed his mind, he wasn't mentally ill.

But yes, many people who have dates/threads on here are looking to be talked out of it, which just makes the dates upsetting and unhelpful.

[Moonlight Princess]

To me, this isn't a reflection on ryl, this is a reflection on a much more widespread issue, such as in the mental health system itself, where you can often be ignored unless you're at the point of making these threats.


Sadly this is so true.

[The One Who]

To me, this isn't a reflection on ryl, this is a reflection on a much more widespread issue, such as in the mental health system itself, where you can often be ignored unless you're at the point of making these threats.

Does RYL need to replicate and further this, though?

Maybe I'm just an impulsive person, but planning suicide weeks in advance is a ironic. If you have made the decision with pure certainty, what is the wait for? Other than to see if someone will attempt to change their mind?

I'm all for people saying they feel suicidal, have been planning suicide, or even have a date they are THINKING of. But to state a decision has been made is unfair. And to say when that date is, to me, cruel on other people.

Pretty much this.

[random.swirls]

To be clear, since despite reading this whole thread I haven't been able to figure it out, is it just banned to say the number of days/weeks/etc, or is it also banned to say "soon"? And in that vein, would it be banned to say "I want to kill myself soon" but be actually asking for support - not making it a definite statement that they are going to do it.

I'm sorry if this has been answered, but I clearly missed it. I just want to know so if I see it, I can post report accordingly.

I think if you said I want to kill myself soon and asked for support that would be fine.

If you said I am going to kill myself soon I can't wait I am counting down the days and nothing will change my mind. That wouldn't be so fine!

What should we do if we see someone saying something like "In X days this will all be over. I can't wait to leave". Who've also posted the number of days until they plan to commit suicide. But it's in a R/V

Should we report the post or PM a mod?

Yep ideally report the post as pm's can take time to be dealt with!

The rules in the ranting venting forum are the same as the ones across ryl. However the format of the board is different and as a result that impacts on the way it's moderated.

[tamobhuuta]

i am in two minds over this. obviously it's horrible knowing someone has these plans, but i think i would like to know, so i know when to start really panicking if someone doesn't reply.

[Gone.]

Miriam, I think the difference is if they post it in a thread and put pressure upon the RYL Community (albeit unintentionally and indirectly) to stop them killing themselves. If you are messaging your friend and they describe thoughts of suicide, I think it's slightly different because you are friends and that's not on RYL as a website (even if it's via PM). It's hard to hear that someone's a ticking clock in regards to suicide and there's nothing you can do about it. If you're being told as a friend, the person telling you clearly wants help otherwise they wouldn't have said anything.

[tamobhuuta]

i see your point

[Sleepless123]

i havent read all the replies to this and im not in the right place to so probably not going to and may not even come back to RYL for a while.

But im already re-considering being a member here.

In my personal life right now it feels no one will understand and accept my reality, now it feels thats being stopped here too not that it was happening much anyway.

Nobody in life really understands my position or wants to.Not all situations are the same.

Love to all.

xx xx

[Pi.R^2]

In my personal life right now it feels no one will understand and accept my reality, now it feels thats being stopped here too not that it was happening much anyway.

Nobody in life really understands my position or wants to.Not all situations are the same.
What is it that you don't feel RYL understands, and how does that relate to banning suicide notes?

[Sleepless123]

What is it that you don't feel RYL understands, and how does that relate to banning suicide notes?

i have no problem with barring suicide notes.In fact in my eyes these were barred years ago.If not they should have been.

i probably shouldnt have posted here and am not willing to comment further on my personal situation much because i have already been in intensive care recently for an overdose and am not in the best place right now so i think getting into further discussion could be dangerous.

Sorry i should probably not have posted but this thread upset me.Sometimes people may feel or fear they are very likely to die by suicide in the future whether imminently planning it or not.They can still take help and advice and yes im sure try and make things better but whey should they have to hide what they still fear the ultimate outcome may well be [be it days away, weeks, months, years or never happen].Why should people here have the right to say it is wrong to talk about those thoughts and fears?

And maybe also to talk about any plans or thoughts that may be going through their mind [whether they actually end up carrying them out or not].Maybe it would help a person just to talk and maybe im in the minority but id rather know and worry than not know at all.

RYL is becoming a place where you can say barely anything anymore unless it is positive or so broad and unclear you can basically say nothing.Even makes me scared to post now when im desperately in need of support after my recent intensive care admission but how would i cope with posting with this type of backlash just for having for suicidal thoughts for thinking it may happen in the future - be it days, weeks, months or not at all.

How could i risk posting.im trying my best but nobody would see that,theyd just pick on the other stuff and the answers would prob tip me over the edge.i thought RYL was a place people could come to discuss things which might not always be comfortable discussing elsewhere just cos of how society is.And part of that for me is that i might survive, i might not.And some if the time i might have plans or imight not.Some times i might not even want to be stopped but still why should i have to be alone?My personal situation which im not discussing further here is not totally my fault.Its not my fault it could go either way and i might have disturbing thoughts and may or may not carry them out.Why shouldnt i have support either way?Why should i have to be alone?im trying to recover, just cos i might not succeed and might be bad and fail and die why should i be picked out, hated upon.Dont people already think i feel badly enough about myself, about that i might not make it.Without people making threads of this nature.

Just to say no disrespect to anyone but as this thread is upsetting me i wont be coming back to it.

i fear the thread was aimed at people like me - people who actually may well actually try their best, are trying their damnest with help and support and like my care team are saying are actually making huge steps forward but just cos i still fear suicide may be the ultimate ending for me cos i wont be able to make things better enough it seems unacceptable to talk about this reality anywhere - this board,my care team and people in general in life.i may be selfish and i already know im bad but this is disgusting and wrong.Leaving me on my own just because its uncomfortable.How do people think i feel to be in the situation where i might live/i might die?How do people think it feels for me that this really could go either way and nearly did the other day?Do they think its easy?Do they think its easy being me?Do they think i enjoy it?How do you think it feels wondering what death is like all the time, wondering if your gonna be here?i know i will for now cos im not doing anything unless its planned but i dont know how long i'll make it or maybe i'll never suicide at all.But why should it be wrong to talk about these fears or if plans do come up?If my situation isnt totally my fault and in my case my suicide may actually be better for others too why should i have to be alone?

Despite my trying my hardest to improve it is not my fault that suicide is still a likely outcome eventually in reality.That may make me bad but it is not my fault and im sick and tired of being in fact 'blamed' for that by people either shunning it, not voicing it as a reality or making threads like this both here and everywhere else in life or more importantly actually having that true fact ignored totally everywhere.Especially when im trying so hard why shouldnt people accept my reality too and let me be allowed to talk about it.Yes im trying my best, yes i might live but i might die too.How do people think i feel about that if its hard for you to hear?

im trying so hard to get better yet i know theres a high chance ultimately i wont get better enough to stop my suicide.That is my situation.Yes im bad but thats not just my fault - its just how things are.im not going to go into detail about my situation here further.

For people on RYL and outside to deny that reality when im trying so hard to get better and as my care team say making such steps i think is disgusting.

i think its disgusting that we cant talk about the other side of my feelings openly and what process i may be going through inside just like we can the other stuff when its positive.

Why should i have to be alone with the suicide stuff just cos its uncomfortable with people?im doing my damnest to get better but i think to say that people cant talk on here or in real life about the chance that they might not survive in such situations and how that feels for them inside despite them doing theie damnest to living but knowing it probably wont be enough is wrong.

But its the way of the world.

As this thread is upsetting me i wont be coming back to it.i hope people can understand that.

xx xx

[talaiporia]

I think the thread was aimed at countdowns that were just post-dated suicide notes, as it makes people worry, and not a critisism of anyone.

Lots of people care about you here, and please don't feel you're not welcome, because you are.

[squirrelspit]

no one is saying dont talk about suicide, or suicide plans or suicidal thoughts, they are saying it is rather unfair to name exact dates of when you are planning to do the deed.

[Pi.R^2]

I can understand what you're saying Cath, however, I don't think it's fair to say that RYL is becoming a place where you can't say anything unless it's vague or positive.

You are allowed to post saying you are suicidal, you are allowed to post saying that you feel hopeless, you're allowed to discuss the morality of suicide and you're allowd to post saying that you're feeling unsafe and are worried that you may impulsively end your life.

This thread is simply about people who post saying "I have bought the spoons/pills/rope with which I will end my life, which I will be doing in three days time at quarter past 5".

Even if you have got a plan and a date, I don't see why it's necessary to include method/date in a post asking for help. It's about getting a compromise between allowing people to receive support and not putting unnecessary strains on members.

Say for example I was planning to off myself. I think there'd be a few close friends on here who would want to know my plans, and I would be within my rights to tell them my plans via an alternative medium, but posting my plans on a public forum, where there's hundreds of people who can see it but have no means of preventing me is unfair.

If people are 100% set on plans for suicide, then nothing will change that and I see absolutely no point in posting about it.

If someone does post, it is presumably because they are not 100% set on it, and thus it does not need to be phrased as "I'm going to kill myself tomorrow", more "I'm contemplating suicide".

[CaptainB2]

I can't shake the feeling that I'm a big reason this rule was put into place...

[griddlebone]

I really wish people would stop being so paranoid. It is based on numerous amounts of threads with the same issues.

[CaptainB2]

I really wish people would stop being so paranoid. It is based on numerous amounts of threads with the same issues.

Um, I did have an "exact date" set for almost a solid year so I really don't think it's out of line to think that had something to do with this thread. I don't think I'm being paranoid. I'm just making an observation.

[Gone.]

I think this thread is meant to be more generalised, rather than picking out specific threads. Really, it isn't too hard to think that you shouldn't write a date of when you want to kill yourself because you might upset other people. You can still say "I feel like killing myself" and can gain support from that. It's not particularly important whether this thread is about you or not, it's about thinking how having a date can make the people helping you feel like their efforts are futile. It's not out of line to ask people to consider others, even though they feel so utterly terrible that they want to kill themselves.

Ultimately, RYL is a pro-recovery website, so nobody can condone a specific date. We will try to help and support but it's harder with a date set.

[griddlebone]

Um, I did have an "exact date" set for almost a solid year so I really don't think it's out of line to think that had something to do with this thread. I don't think I'm being paranoid. I'm just making an observation.
Well its not that case.

It is irritating that people assume we see one thread and then decide to make a rule because of them. This was numerous threads on RYL.Its not an observation when youre assuming its about threads you have made. Its an opinion that you could have easily PMd the mods about and asked if it had anything to do with your thread.

[Dreaming.]

Well its not that case.

It is irritating that people assume we see one thread and then decide to make a rule because of them. This was numerous threads on RYL.Its not an observation when youre assuming its about threads you have made. Its an opinion that you could have easily PMd the mods about and asked if it had anything to do with your thread.

SO MUCH THIS it hurts. If you fear something is directed at you, PM the mods. They'll be able to give you an honest answer. But 99.9% of the time it's a combination of a number of threads from a number of posters. That's how things roll, and that's ok.

[CaptainB2]

Well its not that case.

It is irritating that people assume we see one thread and then decide to make a rule because of them. This was numerous threads on RYL.Its not an observation when youre assuming its about threads you have made. Its an opinion that you could have easily PMd the mods about and asked if it had anything to do with your thread.

I didn't assume it was JUST because of me I simply assumed I was a part of it. Again, I had an "exact date" set for almost a solid year. You can't tell me that didn't play a role in this rule coming about. I'm not saying mine was the only one but it was clearly one of them.

[Pi.R^2]

I can't shake the feeling that I'm a big reason this rule was put into place...
You can't tell me that didn't play a role in this rule coming about. I'm not saying mine was the only one but it was clearly one of them.
You probably were one of the many cases which led up to this rule being made. But you probably weren't a 'big reason'.

What do you want people to say? Rule changes tend to occur as a result of recent threads and conversations on the forum [so by definition, as a result of people's comments]. What's the big deal?

[CaptainB2]

You probably were one of the many cases which led up to this rule being made. But you probably weren't a 'big reason'.

What do you want people to say? Rule changes tend to occur as a result of recent threads and conversations on the forum [so by definition, as a result of people's comments]. What's the big deal?

Nothing, I just feel kinda guilty knowing this is partially my fault. I mean, based on this thread, it seems like people with dates in their threads have caused an extra amount of distress for others. I just feel guilty knowing I contributed to that.

I don't know, I guess it's not a big deal, I've had a rough 24 hours and am on the verge of suicide once again. Give me a break. I'm not thinking clearly.

[MissAnonymous]

Why do you feel guilty?

Its a good rule, that has come out of it. Nobody is blaming anyone, it was a subject that has been brought up by many people pertaining to many situations that have occured recently. If you made a date a year ago, it can't have been one of the most 'relavent' cases anyway since the discussion did not start a year ago.

Anyway, what I am waffling about is; its a good thing come out of it, so I'm not sure why people still feel so bad about it [I get why/paranoia/worrying, but there is no need for anyone to feel to blame].

[CaptainB2]

I don't feel guilty about the rule. Obviously, as has been discussed on this thread, it's a good rule. I just feel guilty knowing how I've caused distress for others with my "deadline." I didn't realize having a set date could make people feel worse. I stuck to that date for a long time and only decided against it about a month ago.

[MissAnonymous]

Everyone causes some distress to another at some point and only until you realise can you be expected to change, I am sure if any distress had been caused, the people who know you would understand it was not intentional and that you wouldn't have meant to make anyone feel worse. You don't have to defend yourself, at least, I don't think you need to.

[Leo Pard]

I killed myself last tuesday. Soz.

[MunchBox]

^ Triggered.
*dies* Triggered myself.

[random.swirls]

Okay before this thread goes the wrong way.

I reiterate that this is just clarifying the rules in a way that wasn't previously clear. It is not a rule following a post by one particular member and whilst some members may feel distressed or guilty if they have posted in this way now it is in the past and as such the fact that you are alive is a very positive thing!

Im shattered but yes!

[forever_lost]

It is not a rule following a post by one particular member and whilst some members may feel distressed or guilty if they have posted in this way now it is in the past and as such the fact that you are alive is a very positive thing.

agreed. :-)