im going to take a stab..

[mat]

So what is the point of this site? I don't login very much and I get a feeling of.. people trying to out-do each other. Or play **** out for more than its worth. The initail statement of this board is people get help.. bla bla. But from what I see is the people who claimed to be helped just play off everyone-still.. is this site without a webmaster? Because I would still lik to discussthe rules. In illegal activity its where I'm from. Not uk. And for mods to take rules into their own pre-mature hands without a webmaster to me, is like doing a citizens arrest with no official police force in town its redundant & irrelevant.

And if someone is already seeking attention thru a real source I.e. hospital, tha **** is the pointof support threads? I kind of find them against the purpose of getting help in the first place. I see it more as ' I care for this and this member so attention whore them'. Off just me being I me... I don't see any support which could not contradict a medical professional being beneficial. I'm sure I will get questioned on my basis... but I don't technically hide. I just shut out.

At times I don't see this site benficial to anyone. I use it as a means to vent. Time to time I can relate to someone through message but that's it. Some of you I get a feeling like having a problem is ameans to life.

[mat]

And off this post.. why is there a distractions and off topic? Half the **** in off topic general chat is more distracting than distractions. Distracions threads is like say ur mood to songs etc. Tha **** how is that distracting? Ur gonna goto ur depressed state and just post the most depressing song u can imagine... example if distractions.. general chat is far from feelings so it should be fixed imo.
Here's some depressing **** google 'embrace the ending'

[Fire Fly]

Hi mat,
Im sorry you feel that way about RYL. However if you feel that way why do you come here to 'vent'? This site does help lots of people hence why it is so popular.

Sometimes people need help from an online source when things are bad in there life and for whatever reason they cannot speak to there proffessional support (could be middle of the night, or they are on holiday etc...). This site doesnt take away the fact that it is better to be seeking proffesional support then getting it form other members who arnt qualified to give advice but are only giving support and there opinions.

What exactly do you want to know about the rules? They arnt that hard and you can pm a forum mod and they will direct you to the right page or even clarify the bits your are confused about!

How on Earth are people trying to 'out do' each other with the way they are feeling? no one askes to be feeling like rubbish... or even ****. this is the way that we happened to turn out and that with our own experiences we can try and help someone else overcome any difficulties they are experiencing.

Why do you keep coming back to this site if that all you feel it does? There seems to be another reason that you keep coming back and you just dont want to admit it.

[[Awakening]]

Hi mat,
Im sorry you feel that way about RYL. However if you feel that way why do you come here to 'vent'? This site does help lots of people hence why it is so popular.

Sometimes people need help from an online source when things are bad in there life and for whatever reason they cannot speak to there proffessional support (could be middle of the night, or they are on holiday etc...). This site doesnt take away the fact that it is better to be seeking proffesional support then getting it form other members who arnt qualified to give advice but are only giving support and there opinions.

What exactly do you want to know about the rules? They arnt that hard and you can pm a forum mod and they will direct you to the right page or even clarify the bits your are confused about!

How on Earth are people trying to 'out do' each other with the way they are feeling? no one askes to be feeling like rubbish... or even ****. this is the way that we happened to turn out and that with our own experiences we can try and help someone else overcome any difficulties they are experiencing.

Why do you keep coming back to this site if that all you feel it does? There seems to be another reason that you keep coming back and you just dont want to admit it.

^ whole heartedly agree.

In a lot of situations I see members encouraging those who are struggling, to seek help from professionals. This isn't an easy thing to do as often people feel alone in the way they feel/act/have been treated, and so when others relate to them it can give them confidence to seek help and approach friends, family and ultimately health professionals.

There is a web-master, yes. The moderators have been members of RYL for a long time and have received direction from the web-master, they know the rules and the ethos of the site well and I think most would agree they do an amazing job here and are certainly not 'pre-mature'. I also disagree that mod's enforcing and adjusting rules is like having 'no official police force' making the site 'irrelevant and redundant'. I would see a situation where only the web-master makes and enforces rules as a dictatorship, which would be entirely wrong for a site like this.

If you have an issue with certain areas of the site, or don't find them helpful, then you can either choose to stay away from said areas or you can give constructive criticism and see if others agree with your complaints.

I personally can see where you're coming from with that particular thread, and yes I would agree for me it wouldn't be a distraction - therefore I don't use it. Perhaps it is a distraction to some, or perhaps it is in the wrong area and should be moved? Either way there are more constructive ways to suggest this. I would also like to point out that thread was the only one on the 1st page that seemed questionable, hardly seems worth making a fuss over to me.

[FabulousMike]

Hi mat,
Im sorry you feel that way about RYL. However if you feel that way why do you come here to 'vent'? This site does help lots of people hence why it is so popular.

Sometimes people need help from an online source when things are bad in there life and for whatever reason they cannot speak to there proffessional support (could be middle of the night, or they are on holiday etc...). This site doesnt take away the fact that it is better to be seeking proffesional support then getting it form other members who arnt qualified to give advice but are only giving support and there opinions.

What exactly do you want to know about the rules? They arnt that hard and you can pm a forum mod and they will direct you to the right page or even clarify the bits your are confused about!

How on Earth are people trying to 'out do' each other with the way they are feeling? no one askes to be feeling like rubbish... or even ****. this is the way that we happened to turn out and that with our own experiences we can try and help someone else overcome any difficulties they are experiencing.

Why do you keep coming back to this site if that all you feel it does? There seems to be another reason that you keep coming back and you just dont want to admit it.

;3297684']^ whole heartedly agree.

In a lot of situations I see members encouraging those who are struggling, to seek help from professionals. This isn't an easy thing to do as often people feel alone in the way they feel/act/have been treated, and so when others relate to them it can give them confidence to seek help and approach friends, family and ultimately health professionals.

There is a web-master, yes. The moderators have been members of RYL for a long time and have received direction from the web-master, they know the rules and the ethos of the site well and I think most would agree they do an amazing job here and are certainly not 'pre-mature'. I also disagree that mod's enforcing and adjusting rules is like having 'no official police force' making the site 'irrelevant and redundant'. I would see a situation where only the web-master makes and enforces rules as a dictatorship, which would be entirely wrong for a site like this.

If you have an issue with certain areas of the site, or don't find them helpful, then you can either choose to stay away from said areas or you can give constructive criticism and see if others agree with your complaints.

I personally can see where you're coming from with that particular thread, and yes I would agree for me it wouldn't be a distraction - therefore I don't use it. Perhaps it is a distraction to some, or perhaps it is in the wrong area and should be moved? Either way there are more constructive ways to suggest this. I would also like to point out that thread was the only one on the 1st page that seemed questionable, hardly seems worth making a fuss over to me.
Both of these pretty much sum up what I was thinking.

[squirrelspit]

Yes we are without any actual input from the webmaster and have been for 2/3 years now.

Yes the site has taken a massive nose dive from its original purpose - its more of a social networking site than anything now.

Yes the mods struggle to implement the rules efficiently as a lot of them are vague. We have had new ines ready to go since 2009 but have been unable to actually put them into action. Aside from that, we have had no ability to recruit new mods so half the moderating team, incuding our 'head mod' have not actually been active for well over a year and a half.

BUT - This issue has been raised several times amongst members... and the site is essentially what everyone makes it.. its just that there is no drive anywhere any more to change it.

[sajhfuahuefghaeg]

Yes we are without any actual input from the webmaster and have been for 2/3 years now.

Yes the site has taken a massive nose dive from its original purpose - its more of a social networking site than anything now.

Yes the mods struggle to implement the rules efficiently as a lot of them are vague. We have had new ines ready to go since 2009 but have been unable to actually put them into action. Aside from that, we have had no ability to recruit new mods so half the moderating team, incuding our 'head mod' have not actually been active for well over a year and a half.

BUT - This issue has been raised several times amongst members... and the site is essentially what everyone makes it.. its just that there is no drive anywhere any more to change it.

[The One Who]

So what is the point of this site? I don't login very much and I get a feeling of.. people trying to out-do each other. Or play **** out for more than its worth. The initail statement of this board is people get help.. bla bla.

Ideally, yes, it is a self-harm support site that has diversified into other mental health issues. I think the support side of things has gone downhill in recent times, but the site is what people make it.

I would still lik to discussthe rules. In illegal activity its where I'm from. Not uk.

If there is a specific rule you want to discuss and/or clarify then I suggest you PM a mod (or email the moderators' account) for a more in-depth discussion.

And if someone is already seeking attention thru a real source I.e. hospital, tha **** is the pointof support threads? I kind of find them against the purpose of getting help in the first place. I see it more as ' I care for this and this member so attention whore them'.

RYL is not a substitute for real-life professional help, it is a peer-support site and can often seem like the blind leading the blind. However, yes, I agree that a lot of people use RYL for a purpose far beyond that which it was intended for. Using RYL and having professional support aren't mutually exclusive though, it's perfectly possible to have both.

As for the second point, I presume you are referring to people being more likely to reply to threads made by their friends? Well, that's fairly common and pretty natural.

Some of you I get a feeling like having a problem is ameans to life.

I think that's a fair point. I think a lot of people do think that they need to do/have X, Y and Z so as to "fit in" around here. Also, if a person has made friends with a lot of people, why leave the site? Even if leaving is what is perhaps best for them in terms of their own health. It's something that has come up previously, but that's where some personal responsibility comes in, it's not really the fault of RYL as a site.

And off this post.. why is there a distractions and off topic? Half the **** in off topic general chat is more distracting than distractions. Distracions threads is like say ur mood to songs etc. Tha **** how is that distracting? Ur gonna goto ur depressed state and just post the most depressing song u can imagine... example if distractions.. general chat is far from feelings so it should be fixed imo.

That's another thing that has come up previously. It's something that I don't engage with because it simply doesn't interest me. It does concern me somewhat that a lot of members seem to surround themselves with books, music and films about self-harm or other stuff, but again, that's their choice.

Yes we are without any actual input from the webmaster and have been for 2/3 years now.

It's been longer than that, has it not? I know Harley pops in from time to time (and shifts the blame onto other people...) but it's been a while since he's been more than a flying visit. Of course, he could be doing stuff behind-the-scenes that I just don't see.

BUT - This issue has been raised several times amongst members... and the site is essentially what everyone makes it.. its just that there is no drive anywhere any more to change it.

It doesn't help that things like the rules and whatnot can't be changed, so things that could help the site can't be done. It just leads to frustration and apathy.

I guess websites evolve and change over time. Perhaps RYL will return to a more supportive, or support-based site.

[squirrelspit]

I guess websites evolve and change over time. Perhaps RYL will return to a more supportive, or support-based site.


I think i just saw a pig fly past my window.

:P

[The One Who]

I think i just saw a pig fly past my window.

:P

Haha! I think that's more likely, but you never know. Stranger things have happened, like that pig :P

[Snow White.]

Can someone explain to me how ryl has become less of a support site? I'm just wondering what it refers to, as to me when I look in any of the support forums, serious, GSA, ed etc there's a lot of support going on there. I'm just curious as to what I'm missing, or, not remembering.

[Cryptic.]

I agree with Aimee. This site is full of support and people taking time out of their own struggles and their own lives to offer support and to be there for people who are struggling.

I rarely see a thread with no replies of helpful and supportive replies.

I think if you have such a problem with this site, leave. Simple as.

Personally I like it here because it's full of wonderful people who can relate to my own struggles, who are caring towards me, and I love to help people on here and offer my own advice and support.

I'm quite sick of threads dissing this site, it's nowhere near as bad as you're making it out to be. It's one of the best places I've ever been online.

Yes, there are flaws, but not everything is perfect, and with it being such a popular forum, there's going to be a few things that aren't wonderful and lovely, but that's life.

[FabulousMike]

Can someone explain to me how ryl has become less of a support site? I'm just wondering what it refers to, as to me when I look in any of the support forums, serious, GSA, ed etc there's a lot of support going on there. I'm just curious as to what I'm missing, or, not remembering.
I agree with this.

But apparently we don't do enough supporting.

[talaiporia]

RYL goes through cycles as people come and go; I'm sure it will become more supportive at some stage, and the tone of the site changes. (And lets face it, this is still a long way from ruin).

In the meantime, is there anything anyone feels would help make RYL more supportive, more beneficial, more helpful?

[Ailsa]

Yeah... I'm confused. To be fair I haven't been around for long, but all I see here are people more than willing to support others. So if I'm missing something, please do fill me in.

[griddlebone]

I find that there is always a dip around the summer time and it seems to gear back up around september.

The thing is, even if Harley were around it would still be the mods doing the modding, so having a webmaster is great, but I think we do a pretty good job and I wouldnt say that were 'pre-mature'. I would go as far as to say some of us have more moderating experience than harley.

[Snow White.]

I agree with Liv. As nice as it would be to have Harley tor his opinions and technical skills, the mods here are more than capable to go above and beyond their roles, many of them do it frequently. The mods have dealt with many, many situations here, they are skilled in what they do: and they will be with or without Harley.

[Ailsa]

I agree with Liv. As nice as it would be to have Harley tor his opinions and technical skills, the mods here are more than capable to go above and beyond their roles, many of them do it frequently. The mods have dealt with many, many situations here, they are skilled in what they do: and they will be with or without Harley.

:thumbup:

[Sketchy]

I am receiving professional help, but that doesn't make me feel I should not be using the boards, nor do I feel it contradicts the help I am receiving. I find it helpful to hear from people who understand, have been through it and I find it incredibly useful in hearing other view points or even people just understanding where I'm coming from. There are things I can't talk to my family and friends about, so these boards are helpful to me. I also find it beneficial to help out other people and use my own experiences to show people they are not alone. I see a lot of support on RYL, but we have to remember we are all struggling, so sometimes it can be difficult to give people the exact help they need. I can see your point about people trying to out do people, but any cry for attention perhaps shows there is a problem needing fixing.
Recovery is a slow process, so having somewhere to vent and discuss things away from professionals, I find, is great. It's doesn't mean I don't want to recover, I can't imagine why anyone would want to stay this way, although I can understand wanting to be part of the community we have here. But even if people have recovered, it is still a part of their history, and people at RYL can again understand that.
I also have to say the mods do a fantastic job. They also have their own problems and in spite of this work their butts off for this site.
I know you have had a hard time, so clearly you are in need of support also. Is there anything you can suggest that will help? I think if there are threads you don't agree with, then maybe ignore them. You say you use the board as a means of venting, well then that's okay, then in that respect the boards are working for you. If there is anything you need support with then ask, try the support boards. Take care.x

[Scaredy-cat]

Ive always found that i get enough support here, and though i dont reply to every thread, and i do find it easier if its someone i know a bit more about, i try to support when i have something to contribute. I know most people do at least that, and some go much further and reply to lots of people. And the chatting, distractions spam type thing i find very helpful too, because i want a space where i cam be honest about whats going on and not be jidged but i dont necessarily want to talk about my, or other peles, problems non stop.
Ive noticed the op has difficulty sometimes, but i think if you can elain specifically what you feel you need people will give it, and you dont have to do the stuff you dont like

[effervescence]

If you don't like RYL, leave. I'm sure there are a trillion other websites you could use for ranting.

[squirrelspit]

I should add, in addition to my post before.. The absence of the webmaster doesnt really affect how/what things are done. More that we have not implemented or changed anything thus far because i think we felt it were a little rude to do so without his say so.

however, things do appear to have reached a point where the changes are needed and as such i think will be going ahead regardless.

Also, in terms of moderators acting too quick or whatever.. unless it is an out and out rule break, a conversation is always had where at least 3 moderators must agree/disagree with a course of action before anything is done.

[ChocolateMarvel]

I think the mods do a f***ing good job, all in all. I may not agree with them all the time but thats life.

It can be really difficult to access help from professionals and often the site supports people to feel able to do this. Also I think the site is supportive but maybe thats just me!

Bah I have nothing useful to say except that I only understood about half of your post so if anyone could translate that would be great!

[Asura]

The absence of the webmaster doesnt really affect how/what things are done.
Charlie, you so funnay. :P

I think RYL feels more social-oriented than support-oriented right now because there are a lot of veteran members still on the site who have all moved to a relatively stable place in their recovery (or past it altogether). They don't want to leave the many friends they have made over the years, so they stick around. I don't agree that people should be forced from the site when they no longer need support. Of course, this does mean the support elements of the site (which are still functioning well enough to my knowledge) are overshadowed.

Is it a problem, that the site isn't predominantly a place of support? I think it's a little yes and no. The openness of general boards make it easier for members to escape from the melancholic atmospheres of the support boards. But too much focus on non-support is no good either, in my opinion.

In regards to the lack of leadership, I think someone should step up to continue the RYL legacy on a brand new site. Changes could be made to the new site and community according to what has been observed here. Building a new site would also give opportunities to add new built-in content (such as the e-zine). And as for RYL, it could be archived so it would never be too far gone from our hearts and minds.

[squirrelspit]

i didnt even mean to be funny.... have i well and truly put my foot in it without meaning to? fml.

I should have some kind of inbuilt sensor in my computer so that the things that sound wrong never get posted until i have reworded them to sound how i mean them to.

[Asura]

Nearly every time someone suggests a way to better the site moderators say "We can't add that without the webmaster" or "We can't change the rules without the webmaster".

No? <3

[squirrelspit]

yes!

but then.. we realised that there are people with secret powers and we CAN implement things. eg: There was a period where no user name changes were being done because we didnt think any of the active moderating team had the power.. but one of us does. huzzah!

Also.. Harls was back recently and managed to look over the stuff that we had done so we know that we are vaguely approved to have a play about.

Also, the community team (from what ive seen anyway) have had a bit of a drive recently and have been coming up with loads of great stuff to help steer the site in a direction that a lot of people seem to be asking for.

So... who knows.. maybe shiits gonna get done yo!

[Scumbelina]

Can someone explain to me how ryl has become less of a support site? I'm just wondering what it refers to, as to me when I look in any of the support forums, serious, GSA, ed etc there's a lot of support going on there. I'm just curious as to what I'm missing, or, not remembering.

This :confused:

Also, I have been here since the Ruin days, on & off & this site has become SO geared towards recovery since then. If anything, it's a little frustrating that everything is so censored with trying to wrap everyone up in cotton wool & I'm not even allowed to spell the thing that happened to me without it being edited! (R*pe)
I miss the days when I could be completely honest about the sh*t I did to myself without repercusions ... But since recover (probably V2) everything has always been focused on recovery/support/creating a friendly atmosphere.

I returned this year after a few years away as I don't find it so triggering any more & I wanted support from like-minded people. I don't get that in 'real life'. I also get great satisfaction from helping other people because I've been in a desperate state myself & know how lonely it is.

When I was a 'supporter', there was always a pressure on us to reply on threads asking for support because there was a lack of members replying on them. Now when I go into any of the support boards, there's hardly ever any with 0 replies unless it's very new.
To me that shows progress!

It's also far less 'cliquey' than it used to be & people are generally nicer. I remember there being tr olls who would say stuff just to wind other people up or people that just didn't have anything nice to say & were always sarcastic. I haven't seen any of that this time around.

As for Harley - I have no idea what's going on there but I think he deserves more respect than he's been shown on this thread. After all, this is his creation, he was paying out of his own pocket (not sure about now with the sponsorship) his brother carries out all the site maintenance & his father runs the shop.
And ... he's never self-harmed in his life, he created this site for it's members. He could have quite easily kept it as Ruin & we'd all still be there discussing our wounds & plans of suicide!

[Greyscale]

Off topic, but I didn't realize we couldn't say rape without it being edited? That doesn't make sense to me. I was under the impression that people would star it out if they didn't want to say it, but that if you were comfortable saying it, it wasn't going to get edited. That's upsetting to me. If you can acknowledge and say what happened to you, why should you be figuratively pushed back in your recovery by not being able to say what really happened?
...Now watch this get edited :tongue2:

[Asura]

The word rape should not be censored.

[Snow White.]

I don't think it is. I think some members censor it themselves (as also discussed in this forum), but I don't believe the mods edit it out of posts.

[Morpheus]

Also, I have been here since the Ruin days, on & off & this site has become SO geared towards recovery since then. If anything, it's a little frustrating that everything is so censored with trying to wrap everyone up in cotton wool & I'm not even allowed to spell the thing that happened to me without it being edited! (R*pe)
I miss the days when I could be completely honest about the sh*t I did to myself without repercusions ... But since recover (probably V2) everything has always been focused on recovery/support/creating a friendly atmosphere.

This.
I am not saying it should be as it was when it was ruin (with pictures etc.) however i am also tired of not being able to say things just the way they are. instead of cotton wooling, shouldn't we be teaching people to take responsibility for themselves? to learn how to avoid triggering situations and if they can not be avoided, how to deal with them? I believe that by taking away that responsibility you hinder people in recovery. People have the opertunity to make a thread, go to chat, and get support if they are feeling triggered. you cant keep every triggering thing from people. then tehre wouldnt be a site to run or complain about. ;)

Also people are in different stages of recovery. should there not be a place for people who are not trying to ecover as well, where you can still discuss the feelings surrounding this such as why they dont want to recover, what t is that makes them want to continue engaging in unhealthy behavior etc.

And another thing that bothers me about it being all recovery based is that not everyone can recover and still this is being called a recovery site and tbh, sometimes i feel like just the name of this site itself makes me alienated. i have been told i will never recover from my illness, so i honestly feel like i dont fit in on this site that focuses so much on how we should be striving for recovery.

[<(O_O<) (>O_O)>]

If you don't like RYL, leave. I'm sure there are a trillion other websites you could use for ranting.

[griddlebone]

I think RYL feels more social-oriented than support-oriented right now because there are a lot of veteran members still on the site who have all moved to a relatively stable place in their recovery (or past it altogether). They don't want to leave the many friends they have made over the years, so they stick around. I don't agree that people should be forced from the site when they no longer need support. Of course, this does mean the support elements of the site (which are still functioning well enough to my knowledge) are overshadowed.



I think this is pretty on the money!I dont know the statistics but I think we probably have more veteran members (dont actually mean members of vets!) than every before. I guess you get cosy where you are and dont want to leave!


I also think there is a lack of a dedicated group of people who are there specifically to remind people that recovery is the goal. I dont know how much sense that makes, just woken up lol.x

[griddlebone]

it's a little frustrating that everything is so censored with trying to wrap everyone up in cotton wool & I'm not even allowed to spell the thing that happened to me without it being edited! (R*pe)

Have the moderators actually made you censor the word rape? Im not disbelieving you, i just find it hard to believe that the mods would.....because its not something we usually do!x

[The One Who]

If you don't like RYL, leave. I'm sure there are a trillion other websites you could use for ranting.

Or, try to change it? You may find others who feel the same.

however i am also tired of not being able to say things just the way they are. instead of cotton wooling, shouldn't we be teaching people to take responsibility for themselves? to learn how to avoid triggering situations and if they can not be avoided, how to deal with them? I believe that by taking away that responsibility you hinder people in recovery
...
Also people are in different stages of recovery. should there not be a place for people who are not trying to ecover as well, where you can still discuss the feelings surrounding this such as why they dont want to recover, what t is that makes them want to continue engaging in unhealthy behavior etc.

I agree. I think the removal of the trigger labels (which still seem to be added to threads...) was a step in the right direction. However, and you'd need to ask the mods to confirm this, there are a lot of people who want the cotton-wooling. I don't like it, and many others don't like it, but it's a balancing act.

As for the lack of support, I think it's a lack of a supportive community that transcends the entire forum. RYL is very divided into those who use GC and those who stay on the support boards. However, attempts at integration have failed because, presumably, people don't want to be a part of the "community", they simply want to get support for whatever issue it is.

[griddlebone]

However, and you'd need to ask the mods to confirm this, there are a lot of people who want the cotton-wooling. I don't like it, and many others don't like it, but it's a balancing act.


Its true, there are a lot of members who are happy with the amount of censoring that happens on the site. Some people just aren't ready for being able to deal with a.some of the more 'tough love' advice or b.any kind of triggering content.

I guess it depends on how you view RYL. If its your ultimate safe place, a bolt hole from being triggered etc then you probably wouldnt want anything remotely in that area. Whereas if you view RYL as a place thats good for support and you either dont get easily triggered OR its something that you take on with a more rational mindset then you would probably get irritated by heavy censoring.

Its very difficult to find a balance and there is usually quite a big gulf between the two.x

[Ruby claire]

I find that there is always a dip around the summer time and it seems to gear back up around september.

The thing is, even if Harley were around it would still be the mods doing the modding, so having a webmaster is great, but I think we do a pretty good job and I wouldnt say that were 'pre-mature'. I would go as far as to say some of us have more moderating experience than harley.




I do agree with you., gearing back concept is perfectly right.:-)

[Scumbelina]

I don't think it is. I think some members censor it themselves (as also discussed in this forum), but I don't believe the mods edit it out of posts.

I had it edited by a mod.
Maybe that wasn't the usual thing *shrug*

[random.swirls]

Really?

The word rape isn't against the rules so it shouldn't of been edited unless it broke the rules somewhere else.

Was this done recently?

[Scumbelina]

Really?

The word rape isn't against the rules so it shouldn't of been edited unless it broke the rules somewhere else.

Was this done recently?

Nope, yonks ago, when I was still a supporter (I had a disagreement with Chloe/Klo_Flo about it!)

Charlie PMd me & explained that it isn't in the rules, so thanks :-)

[random.swirls]

Ahh!! It looks like it was back on V2 as I can't find anything about it now.

[Scumbelina]

I take it back about not being able to say it then! :-)

But the rest of that post still applies!

[Artemisia]

So what is the point of this site? I don't login very much and I get a feeling of.. people trying to out-do each other. Or play **** out for more than its worth. The initail statement of this board is people get help.. bla bla. But from what I see is the people who claimed to be helped just play off everyone-still.. is this site without a webmaster? Because I would still lik to discussthe rules. In illegal activity its where I'm from. Not uk. And for mods to take rules into their own pre-mature hands without a webmaster to me, is like doing a citizens arrest with no official police force in town its redundant & irrelevant.

And if someone is already seeking attention thru a real source I.e. hospital, tha **** is the pointof support threads? I kind of find them against the purpose of getting help in the first place. I see it more as ' I care for this and this member so attention whore them'. Off just me being I me... I don't see any support which could not contradict a medical professional being beneficial. I'm sure I will get questioned on my basis... but I don't technically hide. I just shut out.

At times I don't see this site benficial to anyone. I use it as a means to vent. Time to time I can relate to someone through message but that's it. Some of you I get a feeling like having a problem is ameans to life.

Could this person be trolling slightly?

[Animad]

And another thing that bothers me about it being all recovery based is that not everyone can recover and still this is being called a recovery site and tbh, sometimes i feel like just the name of this site itself makes me alienated. i have been told i will never recover from my illness, so i honestly feel like i dont fit in on this site that focuses so much on how we should be striving for recovery.
This may sound a bit bitchy and I apologise for that before I start as I don't mean it that way but something about the above part of the post did hit me as something which a lot of people may say. Yes, you may've been told that you can't recover from your illness, whatever that may be, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't give up hope and improve on that. Also, it doesn't mean that you will always be SH'ing. SH in itself isn't an illness, it's a symptom and it's something you can stop if you really want to. Years ago now I was told that until I sorted out my emotional problems, of which I have a few pretty complex and intertwining ones, which cause me to have depression, I wouldn't be able to cope and therefore would continue to keep reverting back to SH as none of the other coping mechanisms would work for me and however much I tried to recover I'd just relapse pretty soon into it. I personally found that a bit soul destroying. Now, a few yrs on, I'm still emotionally in a bad way and I've faced many other things in the meantime which haven't been easy but I haven't cut myself since he said that and I've not SHd in any way for probably over 3yrs now. They thought I'd never do it and part of that spurred me on. It's not easy, in fact it's been a really hard journey and still continues to be but I've managed it.

What I'm trying to say is if you truely want and believe that you can recover from self harm (not an illness that maybe you never will do), it is likely not to be easy and you're likely to relapse (I did many times in my early days before the counsellor told me I'd never be able to do it). With me it was all about determination and being strong-willed. Some of my mates who knew about my SH weren't sure I'd be able to do it at all, others were totally certain I could; I was in the middle but what I'm trying to say is at the end of the day it does come down to how you feel. Yep, you may not want to recover, that's fine, it's up to you, I felt like that at 1 time. But, if you truely want to then it's not easy but you can do even without professional support. Like I said, this is truely regarding SH, not neccessarily an underlying MH illness. Yes it may seem impossible, yes it may take many yrs for some people to maybe even go a couple of days without, nevermind longer but at the end of the day, in the vast majority of people I do believe it is possible; I've done it and I was told in the past that I'd never be able to stop if my emotions didn't change and I know someone else who was told that she'd never be able to stop, regardless of what happened with her emotions and stuff, and she has.

I'm not saying then that everyone on this site should only join if they want to recover or anything or that everyone should try to, that's different, everyone can decide for themselves what they want and what they feel they can do at the time (as some times aren't the best times to recover either), but I think if people do decide to give up then they can and 1 way I did it, which may seem a bit weird, is that I always gave myself the option of cutting (as I found if I didn't I'd spiral worse and end up unable to cope and cutting anyway) and that helped me to stop and it could be that if/ when others decide they want to try to recover then that may be 1 way to go about it.

[caz23]

I've always found this site to be a pretty supportive environment, and I am grateful to have such a resource at my disposal. Regardless of whatever drivel I may post on the boards, someone generally takes the time to offer me advice, reassurance or emapthy; that's not to be sniffed at IMO.

[Mrs Sam]

I've been on this site for 8 years (holy f**k!) and its funny because the same issues/arguements/problems come up time and time again.

I think RYL is still incredibly supportive and moving away slightly from SH into general MH problems i think is a good thing. Focussing on one behaviour isnt always helpful but focussing on the reasons and issues behind it is much more pro recovery.

As others have said, if this site really doesn't float your boat then why keep coming back? Why not just create a diary or blog to rant on and leave it at that? RYL must offer something or else you wouldn't leave.

[Danceintherain804]

In general, I'm fairly happy with this site - although I have had some problems with it. I don't really see what the OP was saying about people trying to outdo each other with problems or whatever he said.. However what I have seen is some people being blatantly rude about other people's problems instead of helping. This has happened to me before - but I also know it has happened to others. And what I find really ironic about that is - you're not allowed to say something self-deprecating about yourself in some threads, but when someone insults you that's perfectly okay? I think that if I want to say I don't look good in a picture, I should be allowed to say that. And I feel like if this place isn't going to be a place where we have free speech, then the things that should be edited away are the rude unnecessary things people say to others who are asking for support... Just saying...

But anyway, in general, I do think this place is generally fairly supportive. Because even though I've gotten a ton of rude comments from some people, I've also received a lot of support. But it's an online community and people aren't perfect, so this place isn't going to be perfect.

[Stellata]

I am receiving professional help, but that doesn't make me feel I should not be using the boards, nor do I feel it contradicts the help I am receiving. I find it helpful to hear from people who understand, have been through it and I find it incredibly useful in hearing other view points or even people just understanding where I'm coming from. There are things I can't talk to my family and friends about, so these boards are helpful to me. I also find it beneficial to help out other people and use my own experiences to show people they are not alone. I see a lot of support on RYL, but we have to remember we are all struggling, so sometimes it can be difficult to give people the exact help they need. I can see your point about people trying to out do people, but any cry for attention perhaps shows there is a problem needing fixing.
Recovery is a slow process, so having somewhere to vent and discuss things away from professionals, I find, is great. It's doesn't mean I don't want to recover, I can't imagine why anyone would want to stay this way, although I can understand wanting to be part of the community we have here. But even if people have recovered, it is still a part of their history, and people at RYL can again understand that.
I also have to say the mods do a fantastic job. They also have their own problems and in spite of this work their butts off for this site.
I know you have had a hard time, so clearly you are in need of support also. Is there anything you can suggest that will help? I think if there are threads you don't agree with, then maybe ignore them. You say you use the board as a means of venting, well then that's okay, then in that respect the boards are working for you. If there is anything you need support with then ask, try the support boards. Take care.x

I agree. :)

I've been around here for a while, and have had some times away to focus on things I needed to focus on away from the site. Some of these times have involved me doing therapeutic work on myself that has enabled me to return and feel a stronger sense of self so I'm less buffeted by the competitiony aspects here, and gain more assertiveness and sureness of myself.

I also want to pick up on what Morpeus says about having an illness that won't ever go away and feeling alienated. I think people's perceptions of recovery widening would be awesome in relation to this. True, this is technically a SH recovery site. But I believe that we all know that stopping self harming doesn't = no difficulties that need support. I believe, as someone who also has [at least aspects of] mental health issues that I need to learn to grow around, live around, understand and manage and bear with, things that won't ever go away, 'recovery' to me in that respect means living as well as I can with these struggles in mind, and having a sense of purpose and richness and fulfillment, not living a life governed by self destruction or abusing myself.
That's not worded as best as I'd like, sorry.

[The One Who]

However what I have seen is some people being blatantly rude about other people's problems instead of helping. This has happened to me before - but I also know it has happened to others. And what I find really ironic about that is - you're not allowed to say something self-deprecating about yourself in some threads, but when someone insults you that's perfectly okay? I think that if I want to say I don't look good in a picture, I should be allowed to say that. And I feel like if this place isn't going to be a place where we have free speech, then the things that should be edited away are the rude unnecessary things people say to others who are asking for support... Just saying...

Did you report the rude comments? If they were deemed to be unnecessary/rude/offensive or anything else, then the mods would have edited/deleted the post. However, they can't do something about it if it doesn't get reported and brought to their attention.

You aren't allowed to say something self-deprecating because those threads used to be full of it. Not only is it somewhat manipulative, it doesn't really make for a good or positive thread. It was a woefest where people ended up simply disagreeing with the "I'm so ugly" comments rather than actually complimenting the person.

[Danceintherain804]

Did you report the rude comments? If they were deemed to be unnecessary/rude/offensive or anything else, then the mods would have edited/deleted the post. However, they can't do something about it if it doesn't get reported and brought to their attention.

You aren't allowed to say something self-deprecating because those threads used to be full of it. Not only is it somewhat manipulative, it doesn't really make for a good or positive thread. It was a woefest where people ended up simply disagreeing with the "I'm so ugly" comments rather than actually complimenting the person.
No I didn't - I didn't know they would be taken away... Huh, that actually makes me feel a lot better knowing the mods will take them away if I report them. Cool :)

Yes - that does make sense... I can see that happening... I just feel like it may be a bit extreme to ban you from saying anything bad about yourself whatsoever... But I guess that's the most logical way to stop what you described from happening again... Hm.. :P

[The One Who]

No I didn't - I didn't know they would be taken away... Huh, that actually makes me feel a lot better knowing the mods will take them away if I report them. Cool :)

Yes - that does make sense... I can see that happening... I just feel like it may be a bit extreme to ban you from saying anything bad about yourself whatsoever... But I guess that's the most logical way to stop what you described from happening again... Hm.. :P

They'll only edit/delete them if they are actually rude or flaming or something like that. I don't know the situation you're talking about, but they won't just edit/delete something without proper cause. So, for example, it can't just be because someone has given advice you don't like, or given advice in a blunt manner. I hope that makes sense.

Talking negatively about yourself isn't banned, but what is supposed to be a positive(ish) thread in the picture board is not the place to seek support for body or self-esteem issues. There are other places for that where you are free to talk about how ugly/fat/horrible you think you are.

[Danceintherain804]

They'll only edit/delete them if they are actually rude or flaming or something like that. I don't know the situation you're talking about, but they won't just edit/delete something without proper cause. So, for example, it can't just be because someone has given advice you don't like, or given advice in a blunt manner. I hope that makes sense.

Talking negatively about yourself isn't banned, but what is supposed to be a positive(ish) thread in the picture board is not the place to seek support for body or self-esteem issues. There are other places for that where you are free to talk about how ugly/fat/horrible you think you are.
Yeah - that totally makes sense. There aren't a ton of comments that are blatantly rude but I have seen some, so next time that happens I will totally report them :P

If it isn't banned why do they edit it out?

[The One Who]

Yeah - that totally makes sense. There aren't a ton of comments that are blatantly rude but I have seen some, so next time that happens I will totally report them :P

If it isn't banned why do they edit it out?

I'm glad that makes sense, my brain isn't fully working yet! I'm only on my second cup of tea of the day! Definitely report stuff, and if the mods deem it to be unnecessarily rude or anything then they will do something about it when they can.

Where do they edit it out? It's not allowed on the picture board (and presumably any of the general boards) because they aren't meant to be for support, but on the support boards or in R/V it would be fine to talk about it. Unless I've completed missed or misunderstood this rule!

[Danceintherain804]

Haha no worries - I just woke up about an hour ago so maybe our brains are on the same not-fully-functioning-yet wavelength so we are able to understand each other's ramblings ;)

The only place I've seen in edited out is the picture board - so that's the only place where it's banned?

[The One Who]

Yep, it's banned on the picture board, and I would presume also on the general boards (since some people will post pictures in there as well), but I'm not 100% sure on that. But, yes, definitely banned in the picture board!

[Dreaming.]

This :confused:

Also, I have been here since the Ruin days, on & off & this site has become SO geared towards recovery since then.

I miss the days when I could be completely honest about the sh*t I did to myself without repercusions ... But since recover (probably V2) everything has always been focused on recovery/support/creating a friendly atmosphere.

I returned this year after a few years away as I don't find it so triggering any more & I wanted support from like-minded people. I don't get that in 'real life'. I also get great satisfaction from helping other people because I've been in a desperate state myself & know how lonely it is.

When I was a 'supporter', there was always a pressure on us to reply on threads asking for support because there was a lack of members replying on them. Now when I go into any of the support boards, there's hardly ever any with 0 replies unless it's very new.
To me that shows progress!

To me, it's mixed progress. Having supportive replies to threads is one thing, but is it useful in the long-term to have lots of "sorry you feel that way, I completely understand! *hugs*" replies? It's reassuring but is it conductive to recovery? Should we even be focusing on 'recovery' or just on reassurance (they're two very different things). I'm not trying to undermine what you're saying, but I don't think the strength of support should be measured by the number of replies or the number of threads that go without a reply.

This.
I am not saying it should be as it was when it was ruin (with pictures etc.) however i am also tired of not being able to say things just the way they are. instead of cotton wooling, shouldn't we be teaching people to take responsibility for themselves? to learn how to avoid triggering situations and if they can not be avoided, how to deal with them? I believe that by taking away that responsibility you hinder people in recovery. People have the opertunity to make a thread, go to chat, and get support if they are feeling triggered. you cant keep every triggering thing from people. then tehre wouldnt be a site to run or complain about. ;)

Also people are in different stages of recovery. should there not be a place for people who are not trying to ecover as well, where you can still discuss the feelings surrounding this such as why they dont want to recover, what t is that makes them want to continue engaging in unhealthy behavior etc.

This? We seem to be caught in a trap of not knowing whether we want to focus on recovery, support or social interaction - all three of which are very valid and all three of which are important and contribute to overall wellbeing, but not knowing which is the main aim does lead to mixed messages and confused rules/aims. There's absolutely no reason it can't be all three in some way, but it probably needs to be structured to be like that and not assume that we'll just fall into that - because it just leads to frustration as nobody's happy (You can please some of the people all of the time, blah blah blah!)

Or, try to change it? You may find others who feel the same.

This. I hate it when somebody makes a complaint and people jump on the "if you don't like it, leave" response. It's not useful to a discussion, and if everybody did that we'd be screwed. There is and will always be room for development and I'm all up for people trying to change things to make them better.

I've been on this site for 8 years (holy f**k!) and its funny because the same issues/arguements/problems come up time and time again.

This! It's sad but true. And this has also made me realise that I've now been here (on and off ofc.) since 2003. Bloody hell.