Acceptance

[what_the?]

Hi, I'm sorry to post again, and I know I've posted similar things before, but that was probably about a year ago and I'm still really struggling, so I'd really appreciate any insight anyone has.

I've had a diagnosis of BPD for coming up three years, but I still can't accept it. I can't accept that people just see me as inherently manipulative, and essentially wrong. I hate having to explain to people that I have a "personality disorder" and overall I really don't feel that it fits me. I don't mean to offend anyone with BPD, it's just how I feel about my diagnosis. I also can't deal with the fact that a lot of people (not just on here) seem to want this diagnosis, seem to think that it's some sort of badge of honour, or maybe a way of getting your SI recognised. I would do anything not to have it. Seriously, anything.

I've reached a stage in my life where loads of things are changing, I'll (hopefully) be graduating in July, I'm applying for full time jobs and generally having to move on in a lot of ways. I know that I can't keep going like I am, and that to get "better" I'm somehow going to have to accept what so many people are saying and to engage properly with services, instead of just freaking out and breaking down anytime I get a letter with PD diagnosis mentioned.

Basically, I was wondering how people accepted their diagnoses, or even if you didn't how you manage to engage with services and do the work to get better. Thank you for any advice.

[Stellata]

Sure, Borderline has a 'bad press' in certain circles, bound by judgement and stereotypes.
But. Suffering from Borderline can be described as living with an excruciating profound insecurity and internal turbulence. Some see this as manipulation and badness. But that is one very blinkered perspective.

I don't have Borderline diagnosed officially, I have personality disorder sort of unofficially, but recognised. It's weird. Acceptance took some time too. I'm still building and nurturing the compassion that enables me to compassionately contain and bear all the roots and causes and bahaviours in the present, and manage them more safely, step by step. With help.

[cakey]

for me, getting my diagnosis was a relief after years of struggling on my own. it was somewhere i could hang my coat and say yeah, this is me. now i know, i can find a way to fix it. i struggle a lot with the thought that there is 'something wrong' with me, and that i am in some way 'broken' because i have this, but my ultimate aim at the end of the day, is to get fixed. and i know to do that, i have to engage with and work with the services, which have ultimatly been placed there for my benefit, and for the purpose of helping me. i think the diagnosis is something that has been given to me to explain things now, not something that will explain me forever. i have read in plenty of places that people recover, that people move on, and acheive normal lives, after a diagnosis of bpd, which gives me a lot of hope, and a lot of motivation. i know if i just sit, and 'be' my diagnosis, i will never get anywhere. yes its hard, and yes, i don't feel able to do a lot sometimes, but i know that at the end of the day, it has to come from me. so keep fighting. use the stuff that services give you, and push for recovery!

[PinQ]

I think being told that I had BPD was a turning point for me. It meant that me and my partner knew what was wrong and could begin to deal with my issues more effectively. Although I hate the thought of the disorder defining me. I am not a person with BPD, I am still me and nothing has changed, we just understand why I act in certain ways now.

[what_the?]

Thank you for your replies.

It's really interesting to read how other people feel and cope. I do try not to think about just having BPD, but I don't know, at the moment it seems to be all I can think about, it seems to be everywhere, maybe it's just my mindset because of the fact that I got referred to the PD service.

I really do want to recover, and Kerry you're right that people say it is possible, and I'm glad the idea helps you! I guess at the moment facing another 10 years of this is really daunting, and I think I'm probably more scared about how employers etc react when they find out. Sorry, I'm probably not making much sense, but I really do appreciate you all taking the time out to reply.

[cakey]

i know ten years seems a long time, heck it stretches out in front of me like an impossible mountain. i just keep trying to remember what a psych said to me once...that i'm prolly gonna live another 50 or 60 years(great :\) and that actually ten years is just a small part of that. it kinda (sometimes) makes ten years seem a little less big and less scary.

[mikey]

I don't know an awful lot about BPD, but from what I understand of the diagnosis it encompasses a large range of problems, which are all individual. And I presume you don't have to meet all the criteria to be diagnosed, as with other mental illnesses. So just because people with BPD may generally be seen as 'manipulative' or whatever, doesn't mean that you will be. Your mental health team should always treat you as an individual anyway, and just because others with the diagnosis may be seen as difficult to work with doesn't mean that you are seen in that way too.

[what_the?]

Thanks again people. My team are nice, I like them a lot, but I don't know if what they are doing is right for me. I was had an appointment about 3 weeks ago with the PD team in my area, and I have another on Wednesday, but it was really hard as it was with 3 new doctors and the day before my finals started. I know all of this makes things harder, but I really felt super uncomfortable.

It's not the MH people that I feel view me negatively, I don't think they understand me, but I've never felt judged by them, it's more no MH people, employers and my GP, as well as I have seen doctors for other problems and they hear BDP and run a mile. Sorry, again if I'm not making much sense, but you're really helping me think this out.

[Voldemort]

Hey Claire, I was diagnosed with BPD last year and to this day I'm fighting it. I don't like that I've been labelled with it as, well, for a number of reasons. Basically, I occasionally have the odd disagreement with my therapist over it and refrain from belting my psych when he brings it up.

My argument against it though, is that I fit almost none of the criteria, was diagnosed after just 10mins with my psychiatrist and have absolutely no one else that has any idea of mental health problems agreeing that I have it. Just my psych and therapist. Annoying.com.

[startingagain]

I dislike the diagnosis as well and I'm seeing the psychiatrist this week to see if I can get it changed. Statistically with the elements that you have to have to get the diagnosis there are over 200 different varities of BPD, so everyone is different. My psychologist says that I have complex trauma with interpersonal difficuties and to me that makes more sense. I'd never tell anyone I had a personality disorder.

[what_the?]

Thanks again, guys.
Amy, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this crap too. I do feel like people see one thing and then shove a diagnosis on you.
I think I'm really struggling because people keep saying it again and again, even the crisis people, but I kind of find that they just see it as "part of the BPD", as opposed to an actual problem that I'm having.

Sorry for just ranting, and I hope that people trying to change it are successful.

[roiben]

Where is it that you get the perception that BPD is a label of being "manipulative" I wonder whether this is something that is a stereotype that has been picked up.

It is worth remembering that there are a lot of stereotypes out there, and a lot more preconceived notions. That these do not necessarily mean you are any of those things and so, I hope you do not feel they have to define you. If anything, perhaps what is needed is to challenge those stereotypes?

Did your care team explain what of your symptoms they feel meet the criteria for BPD?

Be gentle with yourself.

Roiben x

[Leni]

It's not the MH people that I feel view me negatively ... it's more no MH people, employers and my GP, as well as I have seen doctors for other problems and they hear BDP and run a mile.

Employers and other doctors really don't need to know your diagnosis in most cases. I've had the same employers for 12 years and despite 3 hospitalisations in that time, they only know I've had problems with 'depression' or 'mental health difficulties'. They don't know I'm diagnosed with biploar disorder. It can be very hard going back to work when you know your colleagues are aware that you have mental health problems, but if you hold your head up and show them that you're perfectly capable at your job and are perfectly 'normal' to boot, they will treat you like any other member of staff.

I think it's about changing your mindset with respect to diagnoses. They're just labels, and with regard to personality disorders they're often not even all that accurate. They're just a made-up name to describe a set of symptoms that are often seen together - they're descriptive words, nothing more. Try to leave them on the piece of paper where they belong.

[startingagain]

I agree that work don't need to know the label. Mine don't and other than management don't even know I access services.

[rockaroni]

I think I only really started accepting mine when I started working on recovery. It sort of seemed pointless fighting it, and that I might as well work at making sure it wasn't me than just shouting at a brick wall. I just remember the pinnacle moment when I knew I wanted it gone, was when I was in for an OD and a doctor asked my diagnosis, and then said "oh, so this is a frequent thing for you then" and walked off without me being able to defend myself. People make judgements based on it, and it's awful. But it's SUCH a hard label to get rid of. I've seen a new psych (with the aim of being rediagnosed) twice over 2 months, and it's going to take another SIX to get it taken off. For a ****ing label that was chucked on me in an hour. But I no longer fit it in any way shape or form, and I'm pretty much getting to the point where I can say I'm recovered... and they're making it this hard for me. So acceptance is probably your best course of action. You know it doesn't define who you are, not to any of us anyway.

(sorry if I've totally missed the point or whatever, seeing as I've gone off on half a ramble).

[MeganAlmighty]

There's alot of stero-type stufff attached to BPD.
Just because it is known for people being awkward/minipulative/and stuff like that, it doesn't mean that you dont have genuine issues it's just that some people don't realise that yet there are people that do.

I don't have any decent advice, Claire, to be honest but i definitely understand where you are coming from and i aknowledge that it's difficult and i think of you often :)

Take care, chicka
Meg
x

[what_the?]

Thank you lovelies for all your replies. I know that I'm going to have to accept it, I guess I'm just struggling with the process of doing so. I'll come back to this when I'm a bit more sober. I finished my degree today, so I feel like for once I've really achieved something!

[surviver15]

I sort of just try to tell myself everything happens for a reason..
I'm still struggling with having to accept my illness, but I try to stay positive.

[MeganAlmighty]

Thank you lovelies for all your replies. I know that I'm going to have to accept it, I guess I'm just struggling with the process of doing so. I'll come back to this when I'm a bit more sober. I finished my degree today, so I feel like for once I've really achieved something!

Congrats! :) x

[The Midnight Crazies]

I think the problem with psychiatry nowadays is that they're too stuck on labeling people and that label they carry for the rest of their lives like some kind of stigma. I'm all for addressing issues that bother you in your life and yes sometimes a diagnosis of some sort can be useful as a guideline for therapists/shrinks but I feel the labeling trend has gotten out of hand in the 21st century.

Oh yeah I was diagnosed with autism, that coat didn't fit me so I threw it off and lead my life in a way I find fullfilling. They said I'd need help to live on my own...I been renting this apartment for what? 5 years now, all is going well, interesting...

You know yourself best and if you disagree with them then that's probably with a reason.

[startingagain]

I don't know if it helps or not, but after 3 years I've finally had my diagnosis changed from BPD to chronic dysthymia.

[what_the?]

Thank you all again.

startingagain I hope that the change in your diagnosis is a positive for you.

I had an appointment with the PD service psych again today and it was actually really helpful. Unlike last time there was only one doctor and I found that way easier. He was actually really nice and talked me through exactly where they felt I fitted the diagnosis. It was pretty shocking to be put face to face with everything that's happened, but also really useful, because it meant that I could put forward exactly why I don't feel BPD is me.

Anyways, top and bottom of it is I think this new team, as people could finally be right for me, but I'm still struggling to accept the label. I think maybe half of the problem is that I can't deal with the fact that anything is "wrong".

[startingagain]

Thanks. The stupid thing is because I feel constantly depressed anyway I don't actually feel anything about it and I thought I would be happy to get rid of a PD label. At least I feel safer if work had to know what was wrong with me and I know that is just down to misconceptions people have.
You don't have to answer, but if you don't think anything is wrong why are you accessing services? I'm glad they were nice. The psychiatrist I saw today was lovely. He said something that made me cry and he was really apologetic. Shame that they aren't all like that.

[what_the?]

Regarding the accessing services thing, I've never actually been and "sought help" as it were, it's always been "right, this has happened, therefore you need to see this person" or "okay, you're not safe, we're sending someone round to get you", if that makes sense. It's all a bit weird, because I am very aware that I have done things that "normal" people struggle to understand. I know that I can't carry on as I have been, because things have been really quite bad, but when I say wrong, what I mean is that I struggle to see how other people manage to deal with things differently, like I've always kind of shut down and used SI or ODs to deal with difficult things and I can't remember not self harming, so I know that what I do isn't what other people do, but I struggle to see why that's not acceptable or appropriate, maybe a bit of a not seeing the woods for the trees situation.

Sorry, I'm fully aware that that made more sense in my head than typed out, but maybe you/someone will get what I mean. I'm glad it went well for you today.

[startingagain]

Maybe rather than seeing it as there being something 'wrong' it is more about finding a better way of coping?
I choose to access services and if I didn't then no one would have an issue with it or notice, so I wasn't sure if it was the same for you. x