Bipolar people cannot support each other

[bitomato]

In a pickle. Definitely becoming more elevating so making alot of decisions on my own regarding my meds. Have a close friend more acute than me. Doctor told us not to lean on each other. Friend told me not to get too involved because it can become too all involving. But I don't have anyone else. I am finding it really difficult to control the compulsion to act on decisions immediately. Sleeping on them if I can, but know that they are not really stress- free thought through regarding consequences (very tunnel vision) decisions.

Struggling really hard with sexuality, so trying to limit time spent with certain close friend which is making me more depressed.

Know I am getting better in some ways- but cannot help having alot I am trying to do at once. Like the fact that I am writing alot, but obviously only a place like RYL can appreciate what that is like and not judge me.

Met someone online also bipolar. I kept giving the advice because of where I am in my journey about not giving up. But they are not where I am. They want to complain every day and talk about sex every conversation. I can't. I am trying to effect what I can change and deal with my sexual urges responsibly. Even idle discussions are not appealing too me, because there is nothing stopping me jumping on a plane, train or boat and going to see what could happen- cause I did it once before.

It was my biggest mistake because I know my values even when sick but I could have gotten attacked because I put myself in a dangerous situation over the course of a month. It only ended because I refused to keep giving away my money.

I can't live like this anymore. I don't know where to turn for help.

[bitomato]

The reality of the situation is that I live somewhere where MH legislation is not very far along. In fact, if I want support I have to put it together for myself. Recently, that has made me very tired and vulnerable because I realise at the end of the day, if I can't hold it together for myself- there is no one. No one to hold my hand, talk me down, rock me til I fall asleep. Even though I have a few places to go to when I don't feel safe, I cannot guarantee that the person/ family will always be available or always say the right thing. And worst of all watching my friend at the end of their bipolar journey with no hope left just leaves me more committed to not end up like that. Dependant and ill. So I am trying to monitor my time spent with them. But it is compounded by the fact that I have to monitor my time spent with anyone. With someone I love but doesn't love me back, with my family, within any sort of organised religion- with anything that is contributing to the problem right now rather than helping. It is not that these things aren't important to me- they are just not sustainable because my thoughts are all over the place. I am even shirking work on different levels because of how tired I am. But can ill people help each other. I believe that they can, but the relationship will always be unbalanced depending on the stronger and it often times has nothing to do with who is more ill.

[bitomato]

Looking back at this thread. My friend begged me to support them yesterday on the premise there was no one else. I guess no one else not afraid of their hypomania. But then I got triggered by someone when we went somewhere and they were supportive of me, but I still had to maintain some level of control because I had seen the manipulation before.

I have to take charge of consequences. However, I got really low and ill the next day and if a family member hadn't judged it.............Now today I am left with "no one" else as more of a reality, and I am in alot of emotional and mental pain. I do not think I regret helping my friend- I just realised I don't really have much support for myself.

[nowhereman]

I'm not bipolar but I just wanted to say good luck with finding someone who can help you through this.

[tifflehan]

I have bipolar so if you ever wanna talk, I'm here. xx

[roiben]

I do not have words right now - but I have read, and I care.

Do keep posting here and reaching out for the help and support you need.

Roiben x

[bitomato]

Thanks guys. I guess I do not feel comfortable disclosing too much. But the reality is that I am messed up. I have had bipolar as a diagnosis for 10 years now. I have survived most of the drama including Uni and family not really supporting me getting therapy and meds.

I had a really close friend with bipolar and when they relapsed I found out that they had been tellling everyone my private business even when they were well. It was for manipulation purposes, and I remember being there myself. I was angry at first, and her family then appeared to have cut me off. Her mom later explained it was because she was really sick and if this course of treatment didn't work- they had exhausted all that was available to her.

I haven't told my friend about my family dramas because she tends to focus on the problems of others more than her own. This is the first time that she seems to be accepting responsibility for her life. But unlike me, she doesn't see anyone but a psychiatrist as her family cannot afford anything else.

I don't treat my friend like they are incompetent, but I do have to protect myself, because when I am vulnerable, I say too much. I also don't want to cut off the good stuff in my life- something my psychologist says I always do.

But I am rapidly cycling between contentment and purpose and fear and despair. Don't know where I'll end up when I am alone.

[bitomato]

My friend really snapped at me today. I had to practically drag them home yesterday and they are really on a roller coaster. As I have a different type of bipolar it is like watching a trainwreck happen. I know what it is like to be a passenger but not the driver of a manic train.

Today they were clearly distressed. But I was just too tired to play clean up, cover up, protect. They are soooo frustrated by others controlling their life- but I am never sure what to say to them- when to implement tough love and when to listen.

Especially at times like this going into a weekend with minimum support and being triggered for several reasons. My usual support could only give me 10 minutes and I am too tired most of the time to do much.

[kia]

I think people with bipolar disorder can support each other but it isn't wise for us to attempt to do this whilst we are in an active phase of the illness ourselves be it depression or hypomania/mania.

I would suggest that you need to concentrate on yourself and recovering your own life before you try and help someone else to do the same thing. You are'nt being fair to yourself to expect yourself to support someone else when you are really struggling. If you continue to put so much pressure on yourself your illness could escalate to a point where you absolutely won't be able to help anyone else at all. So, you would be being fairer to that person whom you are trying to help, and to yourself and those close to you, to help yourself first and when you are strong enough again, you could offer your support then.

kia

[bitomato]

Recovering my own life- that would make a great name for a website eh?!

Seriously though Kia. Great advice, I just feel really frustrated because my family and friends treat me like if I am "normal" and chastise me for feeling depressed or doing hypomanic things. I watch my friend with both fear and awe. I just don't give myself permission to be that ill. And I guess I envy it- while it is a different type of bipolar, they always seem to come out the other end without caring about the consequences and who they hurt.

There are a couple big choices I have to make in my own life, and I just feel numb. I don't have anyone to turn to, so I seriously have to buffer myself against SH and take my meds and MH support seriously.

So what does helping myself entail? Right now it feels like screaming at the world to back the $#$* off!!! But I am doing a lot and then sleeping alot. Oh and crying alot...........I guess helping my friend filled in the time I would be sleeping or crying.

But you are right in the long/ short term I would be crashing faster. I guess I feel as though I need an excuse to crash. Because I keep pushing myself and getting things done, despite being a familial doormat.

I just want my life to feel worth it- and I definitely don't feel worth my life.

[Nine]

Reading this thread I would recommend that you start journaling. You seem to have a lot to say/sort out and writing is a good method for a lot of people, myself included. You could start a thread on the ranting/venting forum or on another website such as tumblr or livejournal or keep a private journal on your computer (there is a ton of free software for macs at least that is very nice). I have written a great deal throughout my bipolar "journey." I have been incredibly isolated at points in my life, and I sympathize with that in your posts. Writing will always be there even when you can't speak to other people because they aren't trustworthy, don't understand, or plain out just aren't there. The other benefit of writing is it can help you figure out your thoughts before you talk to someone so that when you do it is more focused and less confusing.

It seems like you do need a lot more help than you are getting, as well as support from those around you. But until then I would suggest getting a journal and writing a lot, especially about the things that you've mentioned as bothering you in this post.

[bitomato]

Hi Nine: Yes journaling has been of great help to me over the years. Unfortunately my years and sometimes months are divided between different books. I am not too sure how comfortable I am having an online journal, and often when I feel I disclose too much on RYL, I go back and edit, move or delete the post.

Hopefully after this weekend, one of my friends won't be so busy with work and I can get a bit of support, but there is alot on my mind and I don't quite know how to tell people that they are letting me down.

RYL folk have assured me that they are following my threads they are just not always not up to commenting. That is an insecurity I guess I always have- I need to know people care. So I tend to not write, because I am afraid people don't care/ are not interested.

[Nine]

you are contradicting yourself ... first you say you don't want people to read, then you say you need to know they are. You can always look at the views on your thread. It's not normally a lot bc there are so many threads, but some people do read mine. And I have private messaged people after reading their r/v thread so that could happen too.

i don't think it matters if your journals are divided between books. as long as you have some outlet I think it will help

[bitomato]

Hi Nine,
Not that I don't want people to read- but I think that I have put too much identifiable detail into a post. This thread has been the most responses- views don't cut it for me because of the insecurity. I think after using ranting and venting section a while back I was advised to use the personal journal space, so I try to do that.

The person online with bipolar stopped talking to me, and I guess my friend has temporarily lost her use for me. I feel hollow. Today, I rebelled as a doormat against my family so I've been taking alot of abuse for the balance of the day.

My family member lives to trigger me, so I walked away, but I still want someone to talk to.

[Nine]

Journalling is fine, but I wouldn't expect too many comments just because a lot of members don't go on that area of the site and there are just so many people who need support. But I think channeling your emotions and getting validation are two different problems, and the first has a quicker solution. I also think that people manage to be quite specific without giving too much info. Abbreviate names to letters, use general nouns instead of place names, etc. Describe stuff without giving the name, ex "I go to a small boarding school, and all the girls are really close because we all live on one dorm together"

Also I really think you need to stop thinking people do things because they are bipolar or not. It's not fair to the person involved unless you know its directly the reason. Even if they do it because of mood swings just say my friend is feeling depressed so couldn't support me. Because as someone with bipolar I don't like the way you are using it to describe people.

[bitomato]

Hi Nine,
Sorry if it is offending you. But the whole thread was based on the support persons with bipolar can give each other. I had met someone on a dating website and I had a close friend and both happened to have bipolar. My friend is quite unwell, and I was unsure of whether I put myself in a very vulnerable position- which I think I have.

I agree people do things by choice. And it is very difficult to discern whether someone does things because of mania or depression. However, I don't have any other friends with bipolar- so my friend is a mirror/ window of sorts.

[Nine]

You didn't offend me, but I still think you shouldn't refer to it that way. I'm bipolar and have supported people, say on this site. It is true that I use some moderation around a couple friends because there is only so much support I can give them, but I am supportive. And my ex was bipolar (but stable) and he was amazing to me and supported me soooo much and never gave up on me so it is possible.

If you want to talk more you should pm me so we don't keep bumping this thread