life is rubbish

[bubbblebaby]

i proberly not going to make sence ..
but im just a big f*k up i cant do anything rite i hate my life rite now dnt think things cuz be more messed up
i have really had enuf of feelin like this and not knowing whats wrong as i get older things get harder and i dont think im cut out to cope with life altogether cuz i hate myself and hate people i hate going out cuz i feel like everyone is a **** and and i cnt trust anyone people look at me and i dont like it i cant even go shoppin without getting panicky i hate it i want 2 feel better but in another way i feel like even if i do feel better il always end up like this so why not just save all the hassle n finish it all i cnt cope witth all this i wanna know wts wrng with me but guess il neva kno cuz i dnt want to rely on any1 cuz every1 messes u about in the end n takes the pizz
i wish mental health never existed cuz maybe i wud have a life with all the mental health stuff 2 deal

i deserve everything i get all i do is smoke weed n excist im just a stoner who sits on the dole and cant do fuk all rite and i deserve everything cuz im just a waste of a life i cnt do anythin rite or get a job or do anything

im sooo mixed up prob not making sence but all i want is a little help to get me out this mess but im just a nobb n wont ask for it i hate life with a passion n im just a diked who deserves nothin

and no before u think im just stoned n chattin **** im always stoned so that s just me cuz i havent gt a life without it i know what every1 readin this is thinkin and trust me i agree cuz i know im a useless piece of ****

il shut up now and im sorry for wasting your time

[Soviette]

Well, I hope you felt better after that rant. Even if just a little and no you didn't waste anybody's time, but sometimes we all need a good moan or ramble to get things out of the system (I know this very well). I'm really sorry you're feeling really low and useless right now, though, but you sound like your self-esteem is rock bottom right now, to be honest, and that's why you feel bad.

I don't know you or the reasons behind your habit, but help is possible and is out there, though sometimes it can take a long time to find it. I won't comment on what help you're receiving because I personally have no clue, but your weed habit is NOT helping your situation and it sounds like you're using it as an escape mechanism, and that really isn't healthy. Long term regular use of weed (just like any other drug, including legal ones like alcohol) will only negatively impact your mental health and dig even deeper into the hole. Have you tried other forms of escapism? Perhaps just talking to someone important to you could help, or art, or videogames, drawing, blogging or even (don't laugh I'm not taking the piss or trying to be vulgar - I'm actually serious) masturbation. You are not a useless person. You're equal to the rest of us in the world, and with the right help; professionally, socially and most importantly - yourself, you can feel valuable and productive again.

Don't be too phased over the job thing. It's not because you're useless. We're in a recession, and thousands of people can't get work. The economic situation will change in a couple of years, though, and during that time you could recover. If you need an 'occupation', then you can enrol on a college course for next year and/or do voluntary work which will help you get a job in the future. Everyone has a future!

I don't know if I helped or not, but I hope so, if even in just a small way. I hope you do calm down and chillax. :) xxxx

[roiben]

I am glad you have posted this thread - it must have taken a lot to be so honest and be able to say you need help. There is nothing wrong with realising that you do need help, and you have taken the first step in posting here, towards getting it.

You say you do not want to rely on anyone. I understand that sentiment, I also feel it needs challenging. People, humans, are social creatures, we are not meant to do things alone and no one should have to struggle through life alone. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing help and guidance from time to time. Please, do reach out for the help you need.

My suggestion would be to contact your local health and mental health services and find out what support they can offer you. It may be that there is a programme in place which could assist you in your weed addiction - because that is what it is now - and in doing so, look for alternative coping mechanisms and counsell you in dealing with any of the after affects of the weed - such as paranoia.

It is not going to be an immediate fix. I am not going to lie to you and say it will be easy. I do think it is worth trying though. You sound like you are in a place where you know you need help and where you have realised things are not going to just change. That is a good time to reach out for help and look at what can be done to improve things for the better.

Roiben x

[bubbblebaby]

thanku 4 replyin il just deal with it like i always do im abit dissociated rite nw so not really talkin mood sorry but thnks replyin

[roiben]

How do you normally deal with it? Does it work, or is it worth changing?

Roiben x