am i messed up enough to do this?

[~ Bittersweet Memories ~]

feel free to move if in wrong place!!

Right! so i wanted to get this out,
basically my moods been pretty crap lately and everytime i get really low/suicidal, i feel like being admitted to hospital.

i kind of feel messed up for doing this, and i think most of the times i see the crisis team,that my expectations are too high.

does anyone else attempt things to get back into hospital or am i just screwed up? :ermm:

[MrsCoulter]

Strangely I was wondering if I was alone in this as I've been thinking of trying to get admitted.

[~ Bittersweet Memories ~]

i've given up in it all, coz the only way i see in achieving this is to go full whack.

[Stellata]

How might you work with people around you to create a safe place for you at home? What kind of support do you really need?

[one_step_closer]

I know the feeling. What is it that you want from hospital?

[~ Bittersweet Memories ~]

i actually have the urges to go to extremes to seek better help,and get out of this place im in now,the atmosphere at home is awful....
i.e. criminal activity, im even getting those urges tonight.

[redhead22]

I have actually admitted myself to the hospital...one because i was so freakin low I was scared that I would do something. I also thought I'd get the real help I needed. The stresses from life are taken off of you for a bit which helps when I'm so low like that. However, its never really really helped me. So now i probably wouldn't even go if I knew I needed to. if you do feel unsafe then i would suggest it. It can give you a "fresh start" for lack of better words. Best of luck.

[comaxXxwhite]

If you don't feel safe at home, you can always just admit yourself. You don't have to wait for someone to send you there. Take care.

[sherbet lemon]

katy i hope that ur okay please text me. im worried u can get through this

[sherbet lemon]

has anyone heard from katy? am woried bout her

[Soviette]

No you're not messed up, you just want help. But do you know what you want from the hospital? Safety? A particular kind of treatment?

I spent a few days on a psychiatric ward, and whilst it was rather relaxing.. after a suicide attempt (you mention about going 'extreme measures') you don't have much freedom. You will be stalked all day by nurses. Constantly assessed, pestered about eating, you won't be able to sleep without someone watching you with the hallway light on, etc. And I wasn't even sectioned (minus the 136) but an informal patient.

If you need to keep safe then I suppose you can give NHS Direct a ring at 0845 4647 (they will talk to you straight away if you're suicidal) or go to A&E. Don't do anything drastic like take an overdose or threaten suicide/self-harm in a public place and get detained by the cops. It's not fun, and you won't have as much choice over treatment! Anyway, you benefit from help best when you're accepting and choosing treatment, not being detained or having it forced.

[PaleMoon]

I completely agree with the above poster. I had two suicide attempts close together and I was forced into the hospital both times.

If you're going to go inpatient, be voluntary. Don't do something stupid like I did and have to get picked up by the paramedics, interviewed by the cops (they have to, to make sure nobody made me do what I did), watched like a hawk, admitted to the ICU of the medical hospital, then finally escorted to a two-week stay on a locked psych ward. No fun at all.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much, and I hope you get the help you need and start to feel better :).

[talaiporia]

*bumping this thread* because I was checking my subscriptions and noticed this was never updated.

Has anyone heard from her since? She hasn't been on RYL since that post acording to her profile.

[Sleepless123]

No sorry i havent heard from her.

Hope shes ok *worries*.

xx

[~ Bittersweet Memories ~]

well guys...5 months has passed since this was posted...i have just been released from prison today.....so i did go to extremes that night...which i regret totally...........

[talaiporia]

What happened? Are you okay now?

[insidemyhead]

:o what happened?? *hugs* hope you're ok xx

[I am a cat]

I have PMed you

xxx

[~ Bittersweet Memories ~]

yeh im ok now thanks guys. i did a fair bit of growing up inside.

[talaiporia]

What happened to get you inside, if you don't mind me asking?

How are you doing now? You're mood says unsafe? Do you think you could go to hospital if you need to?

[~ Bittersweet Memories ~]

i ended up calling myself another name (identity issues) and arming myself with a knife.

i haven't managed to change my mood yet but im not unsafe

[Sleepless123]

Hey im really glad to see you back around here.ive missed you a lot.

im so sorry that things got so bad and hard for you.

i hope things are at least a little better for you now?Here if you want to talk about it more and i hope you will always know too you can always PM me if you ever need a friend or even just want to chit chat.

Thanks for letting us know how you are.We are here for you and i am thinking of you.

How are things going now?

xx xx

[~ Bittersweet Memories ~]

thankyou, means alot. im trying my goddamn hardest to be positive, its not easy though....its a week tomorrow since i last self harmed.so yeh im ok atm *touches wood* thankyou

[sherbet lemon]

hugs katy im glad you are trying to stay positive try n talk to your cpn tomorrow and tell her how you are feelin love u hun

[~ Bittersweet Memories ~]

why do reporters exaggertae what actually is true...like i need reminding what i did :'(

[Sleepless123]

Hey firstly well done for going a week free from self harm. Thats fab! Any amount of time without it is great so well done.Its a real achievement.

As for reporters sadly they probably dont consider much the implications their stories have on others including those they are writing about.They write for an audience and sadly it seems reporters these days might feel they have to exagerrate their reports to get more people to read and to make the best possible story.

im so sorry this has happened to you.It is so unfair and im sure there must also be someone you can complain to if they have misprinted the facts of the situation etc.But more importantly than this please dont let this hinder your process.

You know about whatever you did, your working to recover from it, it is the past and next week they will have another story.

i know that doesnt help you now and i guess it will still hurt like hell but dont let them destroy you more by getting you down just cos they want attention and people to read/look/listen to them etc and be seen as the journalist who gets the best, most exciting extreme stories or whatever.

Its just not worth it.They are not worth it.

xx xx

[~ Bittersweet Memories ~]

i've ruined my 8 days now anyway, i can't face going out now.

thanks for ur kind words though

[Sleepless123]

i understand you feeling bad about the 8 days but all is not lost.Remember 8 days is a brilliant achievement.And you can build on this again when you feel a bit better again.We all slip up and go back and forward while in recovery from whatever.And i know its disappointing and upsetting when it happens but please dont beat yourself up too much especially right now when you have so much else to deal with.

i can never understand what your going through.im not going to pretend.But i can see why you might feel you cant go out now.And it makes me angry that some reporter has the power to write things like that and not consider other people.It really does.Sorry for the rant.

It seems unfair that your being punished like this when you know what you did and you were ill and if you did something wrong im sure you would even admit it to people now.So it seems so wrong you are being reminded of it in this way.

You have paid for what you have done.Even though you were ill.Many people never even think about what they did let alone admit maybe they shouldnt have/could have done things differently.

Yes maybe you shouldnt have done what you did in the first place but the fact that you are dealing with it now means that really you should be able to walk with your head held high in many respects and people should at least respect you for that.

i know life doesnt tend to work like that but its unfair.Please try not to make this all make you more ill than you already are.Do you have anyone that you can talk to?

Sorry for my ranting.i know this has been pretty pointless and wont help you much.i just dont know what else to say and it angers me that sometimes the media dont consider the potential impact of their actions.

xx xx

[~ Bittersweet Memories ~]

i have my cpn but i don't want to be a bug bear if you get me lol i only saw her on monday :/

what you say makes sense but its hard for me to move on sometimes.sometimes i wish i'd never come home....prison is safe.

xx

[~ Bittersweet Memories ~]

just what is the frigging point.....sometimes i wish i was back in prison,i've only been out 10 days...but to me its alot safer in there.

MEH i don't know............ i tlk **** so just ignore me

[Sleepless123]

ive never been in prison but its understandable you feel like this.

It must be very hard coming outside again when youve been living there for a while and your very brave.

Please talk to your CPN about this.i know its no consolation now but hopefully it will get easier as time goes on.

You have been really brave these first ten difficult days.Just take each day, each hour, each moment if necessary at a time and you can do this.i believe in you.You can get there and be happy eventually.

Thinking of you and offering lots of hugs [if wanted - understand if not].im always here if you want to talk and wish i could offer more [feeling a bit of a failure but i am here if you need me].

xx xx

[~ Bittersweet Memories ~]

don't feel like a failure. you've been good to me these past few days.
i do appreciate it even if it doesn't seem like it :)

xx xx

[Sleepless123]

i know you appreciate it and im really grateful for that.i just really hate to see you suffering and wish i could do more.

Good luck with your CPN and i will be thinking of you.Just take each moment as it comes.

xx xx

[sherbet lemon]

hugs katy i love you lots hun im glad you told your cpn and you are away to get help thinking of you xxxxxx

[not_so_insig]

I dont now, but when I was living with my parents, I hated living with them and their attitude. I honestly preferred living with my parents because I got more space and company.