somethings going to give

[The Hierophant]

& right now.
i feel it's going to be me.

& you know what, some people are going to see this & be so happy.

where has this come from, again, but it's me, i'm the problem. again.

[startingagain]

No one nice would ever be happy about someone else struggling. Is there anyone you can talk to that can help?

[The Hierophant]

oh believe me, they would & thats why i don't want to post too much really, not really indepth, real.

because they'll sit & laugh at my struggling, there happy when i'm not, everythings better, because hey, i can be nasty sometimes.

it's not paranoia when it's real, when it's there glaring at me, taunting me & then these people ****ing pretend to care, sickening but i'm not worht caring, & it;s what i deserve being laughed at, i'm sickening & disgusting.


& as to talking with someone, uni coucillor/mental health support worker dropped me like a stone once she thought she'd fobbed me off to eit, who then passed me to cmht who then went "GUESS WHAT, THERE'S **** ALL WE CAN DO, PARTY".

& here i am.

christ, second real day of my last year of uni & i'm falling apart at the seams, whoops, there goes a limb. bye bye hand.


i'd apologise for the spelling mistakes, but i dn't care really.

[startingagain]

Sorry you are feeling so bad. I wish there was something I could say that would help x

[bleeding black]

Hey,
I don't believe you are nasty, but if you were; even nasty people struggle and deserve support. Nor do i believe you are sickening or disgusting.
I think you are intelligent and have strong beliefs, and as always in life there are going to be people who don't like that, but I don't imagine they would laugh at your pain.

We are here to listen and help any way we can, and we do care.

All I can suggest is that you go back to the mental health worker and push for support, because you need and deserve it.
Thinking of you and hope things ease up for you.

[PassedExpectations]

i don't think you're nasty, sickening, disgusting, or anything else all bad.... honest, i promise, i don't lie. i know that that probably doesn't help much if you're feeling paranoid, but its true. i think you're wonderful, and give good advice, and are caring, and that you absolutely deserve to be taken care of.

[Merc]

Eirinn, you are not nasty. You are outrspoken and have strong beliefs, most ppl dont dare to live that way...you are honmerst.
Im sorry things are so **** right now.
If i can help at all, please message me ok?? Or write meor ehere.
thinking of you lovely
xxx

[The Hierophant]

i feel like i'm in a different time zone to everyone else, didn't even feel stef come to bed last night, things are so much easier when he's around, but then he'd feel like my carer, thats wrong, he's my partner.

god the rot inside me feels so heavy in my stomach, weighting me down, just this disgusting rotting mass, lke him.

& you know what, i was ****ing wrong, wrong to believe she couldn't fit in the mirrors in this flat.
because guess what.
she ****ing can.
christ what a stupid dosy mare i am, so fickle to believe she couldn't squash her hate into the mirrors here, but she has, overspilling with hate, seeping out the mirror onto the floor, it's horrible & disgusting.

i need to go to my training today, as a youth worker, come on, now that is ****ing stupid isn't it, laughable.