Gordon.
28-09-2010, 06:01 PM
At 9 years old I was continually washing my hands until the point where my hands were raw. Mum took me to the Doctor but after that it was left.
A few years later I couldn't eat with my hands because of the germs. I was convinced that if my food touched other things and I ate it, I'd die. I couldn't even eat crisps with my hands. Primary School teachers did worry a bit but nothing really was done about it.
I had my first panic attack when I was 12. I was in hospital boxing day because I almost fainted and was convinced I was dying. Panic attacks from then on were usually caused by silly little things that really bothered me.
Now, it's all coming back. I can't sit in the common room because everywhere feels dirty. I know common rooms ARE dirty because some people are disgusting but this is more than that. I can't breathe when I go in there and I can't touch anything. In and out of sixth form I've had to walk around with hand sanitiser otherwise I go into some silly panic. I can't stand tapping noises and people being near me. If something isn't in the right order, I can't focus on anything else until it is sorted. If I make one mistake I can't help but start my work again. I have to do things in a certain order or I lose interest and try not to think about it because it will bother me.
This is all to the point where I'm getting close to panic attacks again. Even though I have a lot of friends, I can't really turn to anyone in school because they won't understand and will assume I'm either being strange, or attention seeking.
I do have Tourettes and I've heard that OCD is a related condition. I'm going back to neurologist in December so maybe I should mention this?
I just can't cope for much longer like this. It's only a matter of days before I actually can't stop myself from having a panic attack. I've started cutting again (other reasons) so maybe this triggered all of this but I really don't know what to do.
Sorry for posting this >.<
A few years later I couldn't eat with my hands because of the germs. I was convinced that if my food touched other things and I ate it, I'd die. I couldn't even eat crisps with my hands. Primary School teachers did worry a bit but nothing really was done about it.
I had my first panic attack when I was 12. I was in hospital boxing day because I almost fainted and was convinced I was dying. Panic attacks from then on were usually caused by silly little things that really bothered me.
Now, it's all coming back. I can't sit in the common room because everywhere feels dirty. I know common rooms ARE dirty because some people are disgusting but this is more than that. I can't breathe when I go in there and I can't touch anything. In and out of sixth form I've had to walk around with hand sanitiser otherwise I go into some silly panic. I can't stand tapping noises and people being near me. If something isn't in the right order, I can't focus on anything else until it is sorted. If I make one mistake I can't help but start my work again. I have to do things in a certain order or I lose interest and try not to think about it because it will bother me.
This is all to the point where I'm getting close to panic attacks again. Even though I have a lot of friends, I can't really turn to anyone in school because they won't understand and will assume I'm either being strange, or attention seeking.
I do have Tourettes and I've heard that OCD is a related condition. I'm going back to neurologist in December so maybe I should mention this?
I just can't cope for much longer like this. It's only a matter of days before I actually can't stop myself from having a panic attack. I've started cutting again (other reasons) so maybe this triggered all of this but I really don't know what to do.
Sorry for posting this >.<