Abandonment

[Gothir]

Hey

Ummm, well I have a really sensitive reaction to abandonment I think, anxiety and paranoia, which leads to anger.

The thing is, I hurt a friend, although the point I had was logical, the facts I had based it on turned out to be false due to msn and it's stupidity. So now I feel bad, even though I know it's not my 'fault', and won't pretend it is. I should've reacted better, but I didn't. I've had this for a long time, and I was talking to her a bit and I realised that I get annoyed if she takes 15 minutes just to reply. I mean, to me that is fair enough to be annoying, but it seems I'm the only one. I don't understand why.

I believe it comes mostly from my ex, but also partly due to my past. The thing is, I don't know how to handle it. I don't want to lose this girl. It's not exactly mt fault, but that doesn't make it ok. I want to sort it out, but I don't know how, I have no idea how to deal with it.

Has anybody had/got anxiety with abandonment, who could give me some tips please?

Liam

[miggy]

have you talked to her explained why she might understand i have big issues with abandmentship i go to exstemes to stop pepps from leaving me it scaes me what i will do some off my friends ive explined and there really good and understand the ones that dont are really not friends ......love should be uncondish no matter what shape or form :-)

[miggy]

sorry about the spelling my head is abit fuzzy

[ghosts in the machine]

I have a huge fear of people leaving me (to the point where I let people do whatever they like to me to make sure they don't go) and when they do leave it can really kick off a spiral of self-hate and depression... I don't really have any advice on how to deal with it though. I just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling like this.

[Gothir]

Thank you both :)

I have yes. She is very understanding with me, we both have problems so it's important for us to try to understand. Obviously, sometimes we each get the consequences of each other's. I did explain it to her. I'm sure she understands, she always does, it's just hard for her. It basically requires her to like... Step on egg shells in a way, like, I get triggered if I can't talk to her for too long. If something as simple as her putting her phone down midway through us texting, will trigger me. It's not fair on her having to alter how she is with me. Although, I have to walk on shells with her too. I think that's just part of love, when you love somebody, you learn to accept (not that it'll be forever, we'll both rid ourselves of our problems, I don't doubt that) what can't be helped. It brings you close I guess, it's something you're willing to do if you love somebody.

[Patch.]

Must be hard that you're both beareing the brunt of eachother's problems.

I'm sure she does understand, though. I'm sure she can see how hard you are trying to come over this too.

x

[88shelz]

I have a huge fear of people leaving me (to the point where I let people do whatever they like to me to make sure they don't go) and when they do leave it can really kick off a spiral of self-hate and depression... I don't really have any advice on how to deal with it though. I just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling like this.


i totally understand the above

im not sure how to work through these issues.
just know that you are not alone

[Gothir]

It seems I'm not. I almost wish I was, kinda makes me angry that so many people go through this. The mind is a cruel thing :/

[bleeding black]

There are parts of me that can relate very much to this and it is very difficult and causes a lot of raw hurt.

Perhaps instead of her having to work around your feeling insecure about your contact, ie 15 minutes between text messages, you could work on rationalising your thinking when it happens.
Perhaps she could help you with it, like telling you she is going to the bathroom in will be back in a few minutes, and in that time you could rationalise, tell yourself 'ok she is going to the bathroom. She isn't leaving me, I'll just go make some tea or switch on the tv while she's busy and she'll be back'
Having her always almpost enable your feelings of abandonment won't help you at all in the long run, you will still feel the intense pain, because she won't always be able to answer the phone in the nick of time, or not be late to meeting you for coffee....

What do you think?
Do you see a therapist or Dr who can help you work through this?

[Gothir]

I do ye :)

I have mentioned that it would be good to just let me know if she's going off somewhere, or if she knows she won't be on that night. Thing is, I dunno it's just... seems unfair for her to have to do that :/