recovering after a bad 'episode'

[Stellata]

Some of you may have seen my thread in Serious yesterday evening.
I had felt very suicidal, and fragile and desperate.
I also hurt myself the worst I have for a long time.

The worst of the episode is over for now. This morning's therapy session helped so much.

I feel fragile still though.
You know when you feel raw all over, and like your skin is stretched thin and jittery?
I also feel wobbly, and kind of sick. No appetite. [did have vitamin enriched milk for dinner].

I came home early from work because I felt so wobbly and exhausted. I was also feeling teary again.

All these feelings. How do you gently heal?

I'm meant to be meeting my parents for lunch tomorrow, and need to paper over the cracks at least a little... I also want a decent night's sleep. I'll take a couple of Quiet Life pills tonight, with my night meds. [GP has given approval a while back to my taking them - whatever helps, basically.]

What I really need is A Hug. No chance of that though. Yes, my parents. But my parental hugs are not tender holding kinds of hugs. Hard to explain.

I guess this involves the whole self acceptance thing. I just. My skin is so jittery and my heart is racing.

Any ideas of how I can help soothe myself?

[roiben]

It sounds like you need to curl up and cocoon yourself in covers and hug a plushie right now... I know that is what I am about to go and do. I am also feeling fragile, so understand some of what you are saying.

Do try to eat something, I know that low moods can wreak an appetite, low sugars wont help your body sustain the adrenaline stress, anxiety and suicidal feelings can cause though.

Do you think you could tell your parents you have been feeling stressed and tired lately - you do not need to say everything, but at least allow for some of those cracks. I do not think it healthy to feel a need to cover them all.

Wish I knew what else to say to help.

Be gentle with yourself.

Roiben x

[finding_reason]

Hi Katie,

I hope that your lunch with your parents goes okay today and that you are able to just be present with it. I know it's difficult but sometimes we just have to accept the people in our lives for who they are, and just be with what is...and do our own therapeutic work away from them.

I am not in the space at the moment to write much, but I wanted to say that I am here and reading your various posts, and hope that you can be gentle with yourself, you are doing an awful a lot of work right now, be kind to yourself.

Two things that I did think of - do you have any guided meditations or visualisations that you can listen too? there are some that stay completely out of the body and invite you to create a safe place and dream and imagine and whilst it may be far from reality sometimes having that moment to fantasize can be really helpful and soothing. I also was wondering if you have something an object, or symbol that represents self-love and respect for yourself? I know that it might seem the last thing on earth that you believe in but it can be very effective in channeling that inner strength when we are struggling.

I will check back in a little while, if I can do anything lovely, know that I am here. Be well.
ash

[PrincessTitch]

Hey Sweet.
Glad to hear your feeling better.
What I do at a time like that (personally) a nice bath with bubbles, and just pamper myself, facemasks, do my eyebrows and stuff like that, hot chocolate and a feelgood movie :)
Maybe invite a friend down, a girly night and something.
But sometimes a girly night alone can be just as good :)
Hope your feeling completely better soon :)
Inbox me anytime :)

Titch
xxx

[PrincessTitch]

Hey sweet hope your feeling a tad better in yourself this morning, keep your feet up and relax :)
xxx

[Susu.]

I'm sorry you had that experience last night and that you're feeling the aftermath today too, no one should ever have to feel like that or dael with it alone, no matter how resigned we may become to it, it still doesnt make it ok. I wish i could have been there for you because i would have fought for you, cause sometimes that;s all we need, someone to fight for us and be there.
As regards what to do now, the best thing i can say is to make yourself feel physically safe, maybe do as roiben said and 'coccoon yourself in covers' and once you feel physically safe allow yourslef to relax, infact tell yourself to relax because often we hold ourselves tense at times like this without even realising it, so just tell yourself that you are safe and to relax. For me personally i then just let myself process what has happened, think through it and come to terms with it. Once we have looked at it logically and calmly it can be easier to lay to rest and put it to one side. However i wouldnt reccomend doing this unless you really do feel safe.
Regression into childhood can also sometimes help so maybe get online and watch an old disney movie or youtube a show from a happier time.

I hope you manage to help yourself feel safe and i'm here at the end of a pm if you need me.

*supertightsquishyhugs*

[Stellata]

Thank you. :)

The troubled time is ongoing now, and so. I'm not in so much of a fraught state as I was just over a week ago when I posted this. But I'm still very emotionally fragile.