girly_girl
03-09-2010, 12:25 AM
BIPOLAR(sorry for spelling in title)
I have suffered from depression since I was 12 and I am 31 now. My first personal experience of mania was when I decided to run my own business. All I knew was that I couldn't sleep and felt so motivated-full of ideas, talking so fast, jumping from one subject to the next-it was like I was on a high. Then the depression came where I could sleep for over 12 hours and couldn't function. I isolated myself from all social situations and lost my confidence.
The last Manic eposode I had was Christmas Eve, the evening before I sat up late with my dad talking about some very severe psychological death situations he has had to face during his life-I had 4 hours sleep that night. Two weeks previously I was averaging 3 hours sleep/night whilst trying to find a home and find myself and my boyfriend a house as we were relocating back to my home town.
Going back to Christmas Eve I think I was having a nervous breakdown. I missed my flight and decided to pay for a taxi from one end of the country to the other. My perspective and mind was severely distorted I know now. The taxi driver and I were talking about spiritualism which I didn't really understand(my mother and sister believe in this and I had to listen to their beliefs and this made me very afraid) his wife was suffering from cancer and I believed that if I visualised the cancer coming out of her I could remove it(previously my mum said that I was psychic)
I was mentally and physcically exausted and kept on trying to keep my thoughts positive and believed if I could visualise a positive outcome e.g. my boyfriend and I staying in a relationship and us having christmas day together it would actually happen. This was amongst other positive and negative thoughts-I was trying to stay positive but then negative thoughts kept creeping in. I was sure that spirits were in the taxi and when I thought of something positive was sure that the taxi driver was nodding his head in agreement:laugh: Also I was sure that if I did not panick and concentrated that I would get a signal on my phone as I though spirits were trying to harm me and control the electrics(my phone, tom tom etc) Then I rang my boyfriend to tell him that I missed my flight and I thought he was lost in a forest in his car. It turned out he parked near a forest and went in a pub but I did not "get" his sarcasm.
When I started thinking of my friend who was raped the taxi driver was being saracastic saying that we were a million miles from my home(as I kept asking him where we were I must have annoyed him)-I thought he WAS GOING TO KILL ME. I decided to get him to drop us off at services for a coffee and whilst he got the coffee I left all of my bellongings in the back of his taxi and crept into a shop. I demanded that they call the police as he was going to kill me. When the police came I thought they were going to lock me up in some hospital so I wouldn't trust them. I ended up calling my family and got into the police car voluntarily so I would be safe and waited at the station until my boyfriend could pick me up miles away!!
Was this a severe manic eposide? It has taken me months to recover and realise that this was all in my mind.
Any comments greatly appreciated:-)
God I was going bonkers
I have suffered from depression since I was 12 and I am 31 now. My first personal experience of mania was when I decided to run my own business. All I knew was that I couldn't sleep and felt so motivated-full of ideas, talking so fast, jumping from one subject to the next-it was like I was on a high. Then the depression came where I could sleep for over 12 hours and couldn't function. I isolated myself from all social situations and lost my confidence.
The last Manic eposode I had was Christmas Eve, the evening before I sat up late with my dad talking about some very severe psychological death situations he has had to face during his life-I had 4 hours sleep that night. Two weeks previously I was averaging 3 hours sleep/night whilst trying to find a home and find myself and my boyfriend a house as we were relocating back to my home town.
Going back to Christmas Eve I think I was having a nervous breakdown. I missed my flight and decided to pay for a taxi from one end of the country to the other. My perspective and mind was severely distorted I know now. The taxi driver and I were talking about spiritualism which I didn't really understand(my mother and sister believe in this and I had to listen to their beliefs and this made me very afraid) his wife was suffering from cancer and I believed that if I visualised the cancer coming out of her I could remove it(previously my mum said that I was psychic)
I was mentally and physcically exausted and kept on trying to keep my thoughts positive and believed if I could visualise a positive outcome e.g. my boyfriend and I staying in a relationship and us having christmas day together it would actually happen. This was amongst other positive and negative thoughts-I was trying to stay positive but then negative thoughts kept creeping in. I was sure that spirits were in the taxi and when I thought of something positive was sure that the taxi driver was nodding his head in agreement:laugh: Also I was sure that if I did not panick and concentrated that I would get a signal on my phone as I though spirits were trying to harm me and control the electrics(my phone, tom tom etc) Then I rang my boyfriend to tell him that I missed my flight and I thought he was lost in a forest in his car. It turned out he parked near a forest and went in a pub but I did not "get" his sarcasm.
When I started thinking of my friend who was raped the taxi driver was being saracastic saying that we were a million miles from my home(as I kept asking him where we were I must have annoyed him)-I thought he WAS GOING TO KILL ME. I decided to get him to drop us off at services for a coffee and whilst he got the coffee I left all of my bellongings in the back of his taxi and crept into a shop. I demanded that they call the police as he was going to kill me. When the police came I thought they were going to lock me up in some hospital so I wouldn't trust them. I ended up calling my family and got into the police car voluntarily so I would be safe and waited at the station until my boyfriend could pick me up miles away!!
Was this a severe manic eposide? It has taken me months to recover and realise that this was all in my mind.
Any comments greatly appreciated:-)
God I was going bonkers