I think it might be something more...

[Jessica5452]

I feel like I'm losing my mind. The only way I can explain it is this: I can go a month or 2 without cutting, I can feel emotions like happiness,sadness,anger,joy,ect. I can laugh and smile. I feel like a completely normal/sane person. Then it's like everything starts to build. It's like every emotion is boiling and I'm about to burst. I eventually become very numb and apathetic to the point where I don't care about anything. Then it's like something snaps and I can't take it anymore. I don't go off on people and scream or hit or anything like that. I'll just get very irritable and then eventually start cutting again. That will last for anywhere from 2 to 3 months. Then the cycle starts all over again. Now in the time period where I'm having a hard time, I do alot of rocking back and forth and talking to myself. I don't know what exactly is wrong but I was hoping that I wasn't completely alone. Do any of you guys experience something similar to this? I know I am bipolar but, I'm not sure if that's all that it is. Sorry about this being so long...

[NeverBetter]

hugs hunni i dont have bipolar but i think it may be down to it not enterally sure i guess u should seek professional help or explain to your gp whats going on for you even if u cant tell your gp write it down

i do understannd how u feel i go throught this sometimes im also here just to let you kow your not alone hunni
*massive hugs*

[88shelz]

if you are stuck in this cycle you need to try and break out of it by finding out what exactly it is that makes you go back to the harming and then working through that issue to change how they cycle goes

[beautifulpain]

This seems to happen to me all the time!! I'm sorry, I don't have any advice for it, but just to let you know your not on your own x

[Jessica5452]

Thanks guys! I've been trying to find a psychologist. I'm hoping to find one that i really connect with and can eventually trust that specializes in self harm, mood disorders and maybe anxiety too. It's just really hard to find the courage to open up. I feel like in a way I'll be letting down the people that care for me for letting it get this far again and being so messed up that I need help. I guess that's just the disorder talking but, It's just extremely hard to let my family down again.

[Snow White.]

What you have described sounds to me like something I go through, and I have 'Dythsymia', which is basically like a 'chronic depression' (so it lasts quite long) but there are periods inbetween the depressed moods that can seem relatively okay. Not great but okay.

In your instance I would have a look at how you can release your emotions before they build up so much that you have to become numb to them. A psychologist is a great person for that, and you don't need to feel bad for seeing one.

Hope you're okay xx