Ami
26-08-2010, 10:40 PM
Hi, I havent been around for a while, so I feel kinda bad asking for help.
Basically, I'm under the care of Early Intervention Team, as I moved down south last September for college/uni.
In October I poisened myself and was in hospital for 3 nights and had to see Crisis Team.
Majority of nights in the past year have been spent me crying for 4+ hours a night.
In the past year, Ive been out socially probabaly about 5 times.
I stopped going into college the begining of this year and done nothing all day and night, petrified by voices and people and spies, and stoppped looking after myself. (shower once a week, very little calories a day, barely drank and was dehydrated, poured a bottle of chemical all over myself and head, left the house twice a week.)
And my team have been saying "ive been stable" and my mood and voices have dipped because of a medication. (things started before the medication, and theres no proof the medication even does anything anyways.)
I dont know how to get my point accross. Maybe that its true, maybe I have been fine. I dont know. i feel like this has been one of the worst years of my life. I feel completely disabled by this. I am so confused, I dont even know whats real. These people keep following me. I am struggling so much, I cant be here anymore.
People will control me and make me do bad stuff. I need to get rid of myself before I do harm to anyone.
I dont know what to do, I feel completely let down by EIP as they are same Im fine and I've been told I dont have any "problems" really. Which fair doos, things are obviously real then.
I dont want to see them anymore. Everytime I see them I feel disappointed that once again my point of that Im struggling just doesnt seem to register or be a problem. Ive written email to cpn and letter to psychatrist. My cpn says she's going to ring me and never does.
I dont know what to do. I feel completely hopeless and lost. Thinking about suicide more and more each day.
Sorry for moaning on. x
Basically, I'm under the care of Early Intervention Team, as I moved down south last September for college/uni.
In October I poisened myself and was in hospital for 3 nights and had to see Crisis Team.
Majority of nights in the past year have been spent me crying for 4+ hours a night.
In the past year, Ive been out socially probabaly about 5 times.
I stopped going into college the begining of this year and done nothing all day and night, petrified by voices and people and spies, and stoppped looking after myself. (shower once a week, very little calories a day, barely drank and was dehydrated, poured a bottle of chemical all over myself and head, left the house twice a week.)
And my team have been saying "ive been stable" and my mood and voices have dipped because of a medication. (things started before the medication, and theres no proof the medication even does anything anyways.)
I dont know how to get my point accross. Maybe that its true, maybe I have been fine. I dont know. i feel like this has been one of the worst years of my life. I feel completely disabled by this. I am so confused, I dont even know whats real. These people keep following me. I am struggling so much, I cant be here anymore.
People will control me and make me do bad stuff. I need to get rid of myself before I do harm to anyone.
I dont know what to do, I feel completely let down by EIP as they are same Im fine and I've been told I dont have any "problems" really. Which fair doos, things are obviously real then.
I dont want to see them anymore. Everytime I see them I feel disappointed that once again my point of that Im struggling just doesnt seem to register or be a problem. Ive written email to cpn and letter to psychatrist. My cpn says she's going to ring me and never does.
I dont know what to do. I feel completely hopeless and lost. Thinking about suicide more and more each day.
Sorry for moaning on. x