New and in need of some support

[Wannabfree]

Hi everyone

I have been cutting since i was a child and no matter what i do/try i cant seem to stop. At the moment i feel very alone and thoughts of cutting are constantly there with me. I have told a couple of people about it but they offer me little support in stopping. I feel like people will think im insane or get angry with me for doing this. But it seems to consume me.

[I.Heart.And]

What is it that you are trying to cope with or escape (or whatever your reason is for cutting) by hurting yourself?

If you have been doing it since you were a child then it is no wonder that you are finding it difficult to stop. Some people's reaction will be less than favourable but be sure to know that we understand you here.

(hugs)

[Wannabfree]

i started cutting after i was attacked as a child. But each time something bad has happened the cutting has become more frequent. I cant handle/cope with the flashbacks. Nor am i coping well with my current situation. So i feel numb or out of control and in order to bring some control or to feel alive i then cut. The thing is im living in a volatile situation which isnt helping.

[I.Heart.And]

I understand why you are resorting to self harm.
Have you ever spoken to a professional about when you were attacked in your childhood? It sounds like it would be a good idea to do so at it seems like the root of some of your problems now.
What about the volatile situation that you are in, is there anyway you can get out of it?
You don't deserve to have to live like this.

(hugs)

[Wannabfree]

I have not spoken to a professional but have spoken to someone about what happened. I am currently married and thats the volatile situation im talking about. I basically cant be a proper wife because of the way i am (cant do sex/cutting etc). Yet my husband has forced his way a couple of times and i ended up leaving. But now im back and im not coping with the pressure. I cant sleep cause im scared and feeling unsafe.

[I.Heart.And]

Can you leave again and never come back?
It doesn't sound like it's something that can be worked through.

[Wannabfree]

I have been thinking of leaving and not coming back. Problem is i have very young kids to take care of. Plus i cant seem to make any decisions. i just want to cut. cut, cut....i hate this place of despair. I have no where to go and not enough money to make a clean break. I have been cutting heaps already but its not giving me the usual relief. I still need to do it more. I feel the need to punish myself badly. Plus im not coping with having to ignore the fact that my husband recently raped me. Cause im married the people i told said its not as bad. But it has nearly destroyed me.

[Wannabfree]

is it actually possible to stop cutting? to cope differently? i have stopped before but have always returned. It just seems that there is no end to this.

[suspendeddisconnect]

many people do stop. so it is possible. Have you looked up distractions? Some people use rubber bands snapping against them to distract themselves. others use ice. find things you love to do and do them. get out with friends, stuff like that. also finding a professional would probably be a good thing to do. btw i love your name. it's so positive.

whoever told you it's not as bad because he was your husband was WRONG. it is bad. you do need to leave. i know it's hard, but you deserve SO much better. *HUGS* feel free to pm me if you ever need to talk. we'll always be understanding and never judge you.

[Wannabfree]

im feeling very unsettled tonight. Not coping very well. Feeling scared. DOnt want to cut.

[suspendeddisconnect]

i'm glad you don't want to cut. you CAN make it through this.

have you thought of any shelters since your husband is being abusive? they should be able to take you and your kids. hang in there. things will be ok. *hugs*