I swear these women are wrecking my life. (Long)

[Kai-tan]

I'm not even sure where to begin. I just...I have to tell someone.
I'm so happy with my life except these two ****ing women.
One is my fiance's ex-girlfriend. The other is his mother.
When I met him, his house was still coated in his ex's stuff. Her panties, nail polish, bras, ****ing lube she used for sex, everything. He didn't realize that this was hurtful. I was too shy to say anything. But it hurt so bad.
Then he had me gather her things for her so she could pick them up because he was at work. I folded everything nicely and put it all into bags...and then proceeded to sit down and cry my eyes out. I was so afraid of his house. Everywhere I went, her **** was there. I spent so much time just cleaning up the messes she made. I could never get anything clean. The pantry was full of mold. I hated it. We cleaned it all out and threw it away before we moved. But we missed a plate. That was about 9 months ago. And I still can't let it go. I hate that girl so much. She cheated on him twelve times. He was silly enough to get a ring for her, thinking marriage would make her stop it. But he finally threw her out about a month before I met him. Just not her stuff...
Most times I can deal with it. Especially if he's with me. I forget she exists. But then when I'm alone (I'm alone 8 hours for 5 days every week) I wander back to it. And I'm SO happy other times. She just...creeps in. And I can see her dirty undergarments and I just feel like screaming. I'm not over it. I don't think I'll ever be over it. I hate her so much for hurting him and her **** for making this so hard on me.
And his mother is a lunatic. She talked to me about his ex, told me I was like her in some ways but not others. She's just plain awful.
A couple weeks ago she sent him pictures. Of everyone in the family but me. I told him that hurt. So he told her. She said she had them lying around, that's all. She gave them to us in a package with the damn receipt in. So he called and said that lying wasn't okay. And she proceeded to tell him it was my fault that I was petty just like his ex.
That just...compounded all that I've dealt with. I lost it. I haven't been okay since. Some days I just curl up and scream into my pillow. They're less like women and more like demons that haunt me. I can't get them to go away. I found the plate we'd missed and broke it and hurt myself with it. It's been causing me to have issues with my ED when I was almost recovered. It gets to the point where all I can do is self-harm and throw up to make myself feel better until he gets home from work. And it disappoints him so much when he comes home and finds me hurt. I'm afraid it's gonna wreck our relationship.
And I hate it. I'm so happy and healthy otherwise. I don't want them to be responsible for screwing things up when they're so perfect otherwise!

[-Shae-Lynn*]

That sounds like a really awful situation to be in. Maybe there is something you can do to get yourself out of it though. You said that you are at home a lot by yourself. From what you described it sounds like the day when your boyfriend would be at work, right? Could you try getting a part-time job or taking a class to get yourself out of the house? It's awful being alone in a place you don't feel safe for so long by yourself. Maybe go for a walk or do something else outside your house to just get away.
You could do a huge clean sweep of your house. Clean absolutely everything and disinfect. That could be the final way of getting her out of your house. You could try painting the walls or getting new furnisher if you are financially able to to make the place "you and your boyfriend's" rather than a place she used to be.
She did hurt him and she is obviously hurting you, but she isn't there anymore. You don't have to keep allowing her memory to cause you pain. Push past it once and for all and then refuse to think of it.
His mother is a different story as you're not really able to get "rid" of her. Maybe the three of you need to sit down and have a talk. Try not to take her so seriously, mother-in-laws often drive the spouse crazy.

I'm sorry that this isn't much help!!
I hope you feel better soon

[Kai-tan]

Thanks so much for the reply. It really did help.
I'm going to talk to him about getting a new sofa or a bed, maybe. Something that's completely ours.
But what you said about how his ex isn't there anymore...that really helped the most. You're absolutely right. I sort of didn't realize I was in control. That I didn't have to think about it anymore if I didn't want to.
Thanks again. <3 xx

[deviantobsession]

Hey Honey,
Seeing your Fiances Ex's stuff is going to hurt you. Even if you wasnt engaged its going to have an effect on you, and it will hurt because you love him. The thought of him being wiht someone else is going to upset you. But you have to over come this hun. He is with you and cares about you that is the important thing. Generally we all hate our partners Ex's Because its what we do. But you need to realise that yes her stuff was at his place but he doesnt want her or he would be with her honey x.

It was bound to trigger your ED, Your insecurities would be brought up as you feel like your in competition or something but honey like i said forget her ! Seriously. If he didnt love you or want you he really wouldnt be your fiance. If he didnt love you hunny it wouldnt hurt him so much to find out you had SI'd .

I've been where you are regarding the Self Harm and eating disorder. When your insecruities are triggered alot of your coping mechanisms Are "re-born" "re-kindles" Whatever they are calling it these days.
But You have to put the past behind you and "get over it" as you called it to be able to have a healthy and long relationship with someone who clearly loves you or he wouldnt be hurt when you hurt yourself.

When me and my ex broke up i had a mental break down. I ended up getting rid of 99% of his items. Except a teddy bear that i only got rid of about a week ago. Not because i didnt want to let go of him, Because i had but because i wanted to know that there was a little good in the reason i went through all that pain after we broke up and i wanted to remeber soemthing good from our relationship.
I totally agree, speak with your toher half and ask if you couold get some new furnishings something that you can really brand as yours and his.
Everything will be okay you just need to give it time. Sometimes realising that someone has had a physically relationship with someone else in the place you sleep or sit or anything like that can really haunt you. But in time you and your partner will make things your own. and life will become a ltitle bit easier.

Focuss on getting things sorted with your SI and ED and then Speak to your partner and slowly things will start falling into place. Add my msn or PM me if you need anything xx

[suspendeddisconnect]

*hugs* that sounds hard. But like said, remember you are the one he loves, NOT her. yes she hurt him, but he's obviously learned from that and found someone much better - you. i agree, find some new things if it makes the memory of her go farther away. also are there things you could do to make the time go by? getting a hobby, volunteering, joining a club, are all great ways to pass time if you don't have a job. as for his mother, sometimes in-laws are just a bit annoying. so try to remember you love him and put up with it for that reason. so hang in there. feel free to pm me if you need to talk.