Not without her!

[I am a cat]

Well its been really hard from me, I was in hospital in Northampton, then as soon as I come out my parents forced me to move home with them, pretty much had no choice cos I had lost my flat.
So I moved in with My parents and then got put back in hospital again. The whole time I have been thinking about my eating disorder psychologist, whilst in hospital just a few days ago, practically every night I cried over her.

Its really pathetic I know, and I dont know whether any of you will understand?

But I cant do this without her anymore.

Im better of dead without her.

She was the only one who understood me, who cared about me, who made me laugh, who joked but was serious at the same time, who made me feel important, who listined to me, who was there for me when I really needed her, she saw me 3 x a week.

I refuse to carry on without her.

I cant do it without her.

Im under my new ED team at the moment and Im jsut pushing them away. I wont let them weigh me because Sally did that - my old psych, I wont let them take my blood, because sally made me do that, I wont let them talk about my past, cos sally did that, I wont let them talk about food, I wont let them talk about what im doing to myself, I wont talk to my social worker, I wton talk to anyone.

I WANT HER!!!

I have to travel two hours to my new ED Service, My old one is 20 minutes away from where I live, how the **** does that work!!!!

I feel like uber ****...I jsut rad all off sallys emails and letters, I knew it would make me feel like **** but I jsut needed to do it, to see that she is real and was in my life.

Now I jsut wanna top myself and cut until I pass out

:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

[Sometimes Crazy]

Hey Sammi,

I was just thinking about you and how you were doing last night, strangely enough!

I know what it's like to build up a really close relationship with someone involved in your care, and you get scared about leaving them and talking to others. It sounds like this psychologist was a very prominent figure in your life and in your treatment and so it will be difficult to adjust to a new team.

Is there anyway that the members of your new ED team could travel to a health centre/clinic nearer to where you live for appointments?

I'm sure that your old eating disorder psychologist would want you to try and open up with these new people and give them a chance, as it sounds like she really had your best interests in heart. They understand that it's difficult to get used to talking to new people, they won't expect you to pour out your heart straight away.

X

[I am a cat]

No seriously....this is not your average I miss my psychologist...this is so much more :(

I refuse to accept that this is it.

I am even considering moving back.

My new ed team wont they said I have to travel to them..and when you have anorexia its a mission!

[SarahBlue]

I understand how you feel. There was someone I was close to that helped me from the age of 13, till I was about 17. It's been two/nearly three years since I have seen him and it still hurts for many different reasons. I haven't spoken to anyone since.

I think you should speak to your ED team about how you're feeling, to try and adjust to coping without her. See if they can offer some good advice. It's a horrible thought that she won't be there, but you will get through it... xx

[Siouxsie]

Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry I don't have any good advice but I know exactly how you feel. I was the same with my old team and the staff from when I was IP, it still hurts now.
My inbox is always open <3

[Breeze]

Sammi, as hard as it is and as harsh as I may sound you need to move on. The way you discribe your old ED worker sounds like you are obbsessed with her.

It is hard to lose a good worker I know how that is I have recenty lost a very good worker. But Things change, people move and move on and you need to learn to accept this.

I don't wanna sound harsh but you do need to let this new team help you.

[oliness]

Good to hear from you again Sammi, lots of xxxx's to you! It is very hard whenever we have to part with those we love most. But this is the only way by which we can learn to be independent and care for ourselves. While your old psychologist was very good to you, you still had all the problems you have now. Even though she helped you a lot, you were still very unhappy often and felt completely alone.

Usually when we lose something we care for we long for the past, but if we are clear about it we shall see that we were not really any happier then than we are now. You still had all the feelings of self-loathing and ugliness when she was close to you. The only thing to do is to see how we can make our future happier, and the best way for you to do that right now is to open up to your new team. They can be to you all that Sally was.

All the best and many blessings,
Oliver

[I.Heart.And]

Sammi, as hard as it is and as harsh as I may sound you need to move on. The way you discribe your old ED worker sounds like you are obbsessed with her.

It is hard to lose a good worker I know how that is I have recenty lost a very good worker. But Things change, people move and move on and you need to learn to accept this.

I don't wanna sound harsh but you do need to let this new team help you.

I agree with this, completely.

[I am a cat]

But I didnt even get to say goodbye, because I was in hospital. :crying:

[Breeze]

Write her a letter...