I don't feel very safe.

[Pnuemonia[Blue]]

Im nervous about posting. I don't deserve to as I don't give any support. I'm sorry, I really am.

I'm very scared of life right now. I'm scared of people.
Everywhere I go people are watching me, talking about me. They call me up on the phone and look at me through windows. I've turned all the phones off so no one will know where I am.

This isn't paranoia, these aren't delusions. I'm not posting this to get your attention, I'm dealing with it the best I can. I know people I thought I could trust have been talking and mocking me behind my back. Saying I'm making all this up.

I can't trust anyone. People that say they care are just covering their backs. A lady at my support group is trying to kill me. I'm being very serious. The more I think about it, the more sense it makes. I am not calling the police yet because I don't think she is in her own frame of mind.

I feel this world is way too cold and frightening for me to handle. I think perhaps I'm better off leaving it. Kill myself before they get a chance too.

[Kame]

Hey Emma,
Don't feel nervous about posting, all we want to do is help. You do deserve support sweetheart, and I'll do my best to give you some support *big safe hugs*
Have you talked to anybody about being scared of people? I know you say you can't trust, but is there anybody you trust at least a little bit? I know that you say people are talking about you and watching you, but do you think maybe you think that because you don't/can't trust?
Please stay safe. The world is a scary place but with people by your side you can get through it, you don't need to leave.
Lanny xxx

[88shelz]

it might be a good idea to inform the support group therapist of your worries so that it can be looked into.
if poeplle are looking in the windows at you then close your blinds and ignore them.

sorrythat things are getting hard and are scaring you right now.

[Pnuemonia[Blue]]

I sat in my bedroom with the blinds closed and did some painting to calm me down. I still very anxious and don't want to hang around the windows for long because I don't want to be watched.

My friend took me out for a bit today, it was nice to get out the house but the world seems very strange and distant. Almost like my vision has been distorted. I'm aware of people staring at me, and talking about me.

[[Awakening]]

they were probably staring at your friend... is she particularly gorgeous or do you think they could have been talking about her 'ridiculous horse riding boots'? Quite often we can feel that everyone is looking at us and thinking and talking about our insecurities but i think more often than not they aren't... what did u paint? x

[Pnuemonia[Blue]]

Yes perhaps.

[Pnuemonia[Blue]]

I'm very worried now. I can hear footsteps outside the door. I think someone is pacing the corridor. It's dark outsde, I can't see if anyones looking in the window.
There's something going on. I can feel it.

[whirlpools]

you're probably not going to want to hear me say this hun but i think you need to be assessed by a doctor/psychiatrist. it seems like things are getting worse for you and are very overwhelming, and while i don't know why this is happening for you, i do know from experience that doctors can help. is there any way you could see one soon? xxx

[suspendeddisconnect]

*hugs* i'm sorry things are so hard right now. i know how that feels to feel you're being watched. hang in there. dying isn't the answer. you WILL get through this.

[Pnuemonia[Blue]]

......

[suspendeddisconnect]

Do you have any friends you could talk to? Could you maybe take a walk so you feel safer? *HUGS*

[Pnuemonia[Blue]]

No no, I can't trust any of them.

[[Awakening]]

you can trust me x

[Pnuemonia[Blue]]

I don't know what to do. I'm so scared, if I leave the house I can barely breathe but I don't feel safe here either. My brothers still spying on me as I write this.

I tried to go out to get a lock for my bedroom door but there were too many spies in the high street. There were two women laughing and talking about the lock then they were gone. I don't understand where they went. I don't understand why they are doing this.
I'm typing this quickly and then I'm going to retreat to my room. Hopefully I'll get my laptop working.

[Pnuemonia[Blue]]

.....