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Old 27-05-2009, 03:51 PM   #1
Manic_Depressive_Girl
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Graphic / Triggering - Dying inside, my heart is rotting

I don't think anyone will reply to this. I'm a lost cause and not important to anyone apart from Mr Manic Depressive.

Therapy is causing me too much pain. My therapist is encouraging me to open up fully about the past but if I do I'll never be able to cope again. I have to keep a lid on it.

Two men tried to ruin me. They both turned me into a tranwreck via their abuse. How do I ever get over that?

This morning I decided that breaking my fingers is a brilliant idea, as is slowly pulling all my hair out.

I wish I could sink into cutting and crying but Mr MD won't let me. He is too good. He is my prince.

I'll never be a suitable mother for the child I so badly want, not while I am haunted by images of violence.

Please someone, anyone, help me.

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Old 27-05-2009, 04:10 PM   #2
susieannah
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I know the pain is terrible, but opening up to your therapist is a really good idea. Yes it hurts, but you can find ways to deal with what happened, rather than trying to ignore it. Ignoring it hasn't worked so great so far, right? I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's true I'm afraid. With therapy, is there any way you can ensure you will be safe for the whole rest of the day after a session? So if you are talking about difficult issues, you have the reassurance of another person etc. *big hugs*

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Old 27-05-2009, 04:10 PM   #3
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Thanks. Its just I've worked so hard to get this far and I'm scared of falling down down down down


Last edited by Manic_Depressive_Girl : 27-05-2009 at 04:11 PM. Reason: Error
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Old 27-05-2009, 04:11 PM   #4
Iclemyer
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Hey,
I can relate a lot to what your saying sweetie, i quit therapy because i didnt feel like it was helping me, what i would say to you is keep going with it, open up and allow your therapist to help you work through your demons, I know i felt gradually a bit better once my therapist knew what had gone on. Things were continually happening while i was in therapy and i was honest with my therapist about everything it helped it really did, until they changed my therapist and then I couldnt take it.

Hurting yourself is not the answer sweetie, you can get past this and you will (i'm speaking from my own experiences). you can be the mother you want to be with help and support and I'm here for you love.
Thinking of you
Dianne
xxx



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Old 27-05-2009, 04:14 PM   #5
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Thank you Dianne, what a sweet message. So kind.
I just feel like I am so messed up, like a big tangled ball off wool, and neither I nor anybody else will ever make sense of it.
I am so triggered right now, I am completely jittery.
I am just like a child inside, always needing someone to look after me. Can't cope on my own.
Ifeel like everyone is laughing at me

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Old 27-05-2009, 04:14 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bobidrawpictures View Post
It's best to wait a little longer for other replies, waiting an hour and then asking if anyone is about is a little pointless, People have their daily life to deal with and may have read your post and went away to reply later in the day. You will get better replies if you leave it a little longer :)
Sorry, I know it was silly of me, I'm just desperate

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Old 27-05-2009, 04:16 PM   #7
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God I am such an idiot mess

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Old 27-05-2009, 04:18 PM   #8
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I am trying to pull a chunk of my hair out but it hurts too much. Pathetric

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Old 27-05-2009, 04:24 PM   #9
Iclemyer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Manic_Depressive_Girl View Post
Thank you Dianne, what a sweet message. So kind.
I just feel like I am so messed up, like a big tangled ball off wool, and neither I nor anybody else will ever make sense of it.
I am so triggered right now, I am completely jittery.
I am just like a child inside, always needing someone to look after me. Can't cope on my own.
Ifeel like everyone is laughing at me
I'm not laughing at you sweetie, I'd never do that, like I said I can relate to this a lot, the key is to try (and I know it seems like the hardest thing in the world right now) to keep busy and not think about things. You will make sense of things love, the key I found to making sense of things was to realise there's some answers you may feel like you want or need but will never get, I had to get my self used to that to accept what they did. *hugs*



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Old 27-05-2009, 04:28 PM   #10
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Yeah I won't have all the answers to the things I wonder daily about. Its so hard. I already feel so let down and ashamed, like I shouldn't show my face.

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Old 27-05-2009, 04:35 PM   #11
Iclemyer
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You have NOTHING to be ashamed about, you deserve to hold your head up high, the people who made you feel like this should be ashamed, one day you'll get to a point where you look back and think about how far you've come and right now you'll probably laugh and think no way but seriously, you will get through this and look back and realise how strong youve become. Well done for posting sweetie. I know its hard to talk about :)
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Old 27-05-2009, 04:41 PM   #12
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Thank you for your advice. I'm 30 this year and I just feel like I'll never get anywhere. Hopefuly I will though, as you say. xx

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Old 28-05-2009, 09:35 AM   #13
Iclemyer
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Hey sweetie,

How are you feeling today?

Thinking of you
Dianne
xx



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