RYL Forums


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 11-07-2007, 05:05 PM   #1
.lost.the.tin.can.
 
.lost.the.tin.can.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nottingham, UK
I am currently:
I'm scared of myself now. I don't know what to do. Help?

I know that most people try to avoid being taken into hospital. And I have avoided telling my doctors 100% truths incase I get sent to one. I don't really want to admit that I am crazy. I know there is something wrong, but there is a difference between knowing something is wrong and admitting it to others. And the family, and your friends.
But. I am scared now.

Scared that I am going to do myself some real harm, or that I am finally going to lose it with my father and end up killing him. I don't want to die. I just hate myself a hell of a lot. I WANT to do well in life, I WANT to be able to get past this on my own but having tried for so long I just don't know if I can.

I guess I need a rest, away from everything. I just can't get anywhere on my own and I'm not sure how much it would help if I just ran away anyway. I'm 19, I have no money, no job, I'm losing control of myself, my family think I am nuts, my friends are lipping away from me. I guess, what I am trying to say, is, and I don't know much about this. So if I sound like a loon, or insensitive or whatever, then sorry. But I think what I am trying to say is I want to check myself into a hospital or something...I just don't know how to go about it, where to go, what to do or say. Or even if I can do that?!

I probably won't anyway. I will probably carry on struggling until it goes too far. Till I snap. Or until someone else snaps at my behaviour. But I just, want to know what people on here know about this kind of thing, just so I know.




.Summer Solstice.June 2007.




.lost.the.tin.can. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2007, 06:32 PM   #2
behindblueyes
Will gladly climb your walls if u meet me halfway
 
behindblueyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
I am currently:

Hunny Hospital is so scary but while it is in your mind now that you will do this, then honestly I really think that you should.

It depends where you are located how these things work. But I am almost positive that if you are feeling suicidal and scared you might case harm to others, then they will take you in. Or i think you can go to your doctor and tell him all of this, and he will recommend you a plave to go. You will most likely have to undergo a million tests and evaluations... but if you think that it is best... then they are all worth it. As you said, it will be a rest from your life at the same time having a team of people there to help you and support you while you are there. You never know, this could be the best thing to happen to you. You may leave there with your thoughts organized and more clear. You will see life is livable no matter what.

take care of yourself first and foremost.
x Kate





behindblueyes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2007, 08:04 PM   #3
.lost.the.tin.can.
 
.lost.the.tin.can.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nottingham, UK
I am currently:

Thanks :)

I think I just spent the last few hours talking myself out of it again. There is a massive part of me that thinks I should do it. And a massive part that is pulling me back. I am so confused and lost right now, I just don't know what I should do. I just changed doctors again, but have not yet been to see my new gp. I don't think I can go through talking about everything again, trying to convince someone else that I need help. It just convinces me that I am making it all up when they turn me away saying "do some breathing excerises" etc. I know I'm not making it up but to have been to so many doctors and not had even one pay attention to me. I am scared that one day I won't be able to help myself anymore, have no support from doctors and just, well I don't even know what I would do. Ryl has been a massive help, even if all I do is post rants everynow and then. I just, oh I have no idea what I am talking about.

I think if I had gone straight to a hospital when I felt like I did earlier, without cutting or without spending too much time thinking about it, I would be in a safe place right now. But I don't know if it is the best place. I have no idea. Maybe, maybe its because no doctors have ever listened in the past and when I feel myself getting like this I think, well you have to help yourself, take yourself in and someone will help you. But I don't know if I can let someone help me either, I say I want the help but - to let go of this, to let somebody in and to admit to everyone that I can't cope....

I am worried what my friends will think. I am not all that bothered whatthe family will think, I hate most of them. But oh, I know if my friends are my friends they will support me and they won't treat me any different but, what if they do? I mean some of my friends, who I LOVE with all my heart, I haven't let them in - they don't know what I am really like and it's them I worry about. I care about them so much, I'd actually do anything for them but, I can't let them see the real, crazy me.

Anyway now I am rambling, as I always do. Thank you Kate, you made some sense, I have to think about it more I guess. But it's the thinking that talks me out of doing things like this.

Gemma xx




.Summer Solstice.June 2007.




.lost.the.tin.can. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15-07-2007, 12:22 PM   #4
typsee
....
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
I am currently:

Hey Gemma .... I understand your concerns about hospitalisation.

For the longest time I was having so much trouble, but pretending to everyone that I was doing okay when I wasnt ... I was also afraid of going into a psych hospital, but I desperately wanted not to have to look after myself anymore - it was all too much ... the stress ... the responsibiitiy ... but I was also afraid of hospitalisation, even though I worked in a psych hospital and I kinda knew what it would be like.

Well. .... in the end I got forced (regulated) into a psych hospital against my will. It wasnt as bad as I thought it was, but I wish I had gone into hospital of my own free will rather than the way it did happen. Becuse of my regulation, I ended up losing my job, my flat, and alot of my self respect.

Maybe hospital is at the extreme end of what you need right now. Is there any way you could get a rest from all of your responsibilities and stress without going as far as being hospitalised? Are your friends and family supportive of you? Could they help to give you a bit of a break do you think? From the way you describe your friends, I dont think they'd reject you if they found out about how you are really feeling - people can cope with alot more than others often think, and you'd be surprised just how many people out there who are doing it tough and are struggling with some demons or other.

I'd urge you to talk to your new doctor about how you are feeling. It may help to have another person make the choices with respects to this decision about going into hospital or not, and it sounds like you are a bit too stressed and confused about alot of stuff to really know waht the best choice would be.

Good luck with it ... and keep talking to us here - you've got friends here hun.

typsee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-07-2007, 11:21 PM   #5
.lost.the.tin.can.
 
.lost.the.tin.can.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nottingham, UK
I am currently:

Thanks. I don't really know what to say. I know that whatever is going on it's getting worse.

I swear I am being harrased by an evil spirit or something. I keep seeing this black thing "floating" around - I think its a spider or whatever and I see it out the corner of my eye and it moves fast and when I look properly theres nothing there. I really am starting to feel like whatever that black thing is is trying to hurt me and make things in my life go badly.

So many things are going wrong. I don't even know.

I wish I could just let go and break down and let someone make the decision for me.

That was some really good advice there, thank you...I haven't been to check on the thread for replies because I've been avoiding the issue. But thanks, so so much what you said Typsee, made a LOT of sense. But oh just because it makes sense doesn't mean I have any idea what to do. My head is like scrambled egg.

I'm thinking about going to see my doctor soon. I'm having my tonsils out in a couple of weeks I might go after that. If I haven't done anything stupid by then.

I know its unlikely anything will go wrong (like 1 in 15 thousand chance of death) but I'm scared that this, whatever is going on, be it my insanity or if I'm not insane and there really is some kind of evil lurking...whatever I'm scared that its going to make me die. I'm scared that this black thing I'm seeing is stopping me from finding a job, stopping things from going right because its going to use my operation to kill me.

OH HOW INSANE DO I SOUND?




.Summer Solstice.June 2007.




.lost.the.tin.can. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-07-2007, 07:04 PM   #6
razey02
 
razey02's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: South Africa
I am currently:

You don't sound insane. You sound scared. I know what that feels like.

I know what you are going through, believe me.

you will get through this.

suzka


Last edited by typsee : 29-07-2007 at 01:45 AM. Reason: sending you a PM :)


i can

razey02 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-07-2007, 07:41 PM   #7
.lost.the.tin.can.
 
.lost.the.tin.can.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nottingham, UK
I am currently:

I wish I could hold on to something that tight but I don't know what.

Thank you though, really, for believing me, or at least, not thinking that I am crazy.


Last edited by typsee : 29-07-2007 at 01:46 AM. Reason: editing reference to parts of a post that were deleted



.Summer Solstice.June 2007.




.lost.the.tin.can. is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump


Sea Pink Aroma
All times are GMT +1. The time now is 05:51 AM.