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Old 15-02-2009, 07:46 PM   #1
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how to feel beautiful and believe in yourself again?

i had a long talk with a friend last night and she said i needed to start to love myself and find myself beautiful before others ever could (i let the last guy take every single shred of self confidence i ever had).

errrr, how do you feel beautiful and worthwhile mentaly when you still feel the guilt, the shame, and hear the critisisms?

how do you feel physically beautiful when you feel unworthy to be somewhere, when you have to hide scars, when people have told you you're fat, repulsive etc?

i cant seem to see a way. i dont want to be so ashamed and low any more. i remember being happy...long ago. any tips on how to get back there? thanks xx

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Old 15-02-2009, 09:15 PM   #2
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You know what I do? It sounds really strange but...i look in the mirror every morning and tell myself I'm beautiful, even if I dont believe it, I still do.
It's like when you constantly hear something, you start to believe it, just in a positive way :)

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Old 15-02-2009, 09:18 PM   #3
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Wow - if you could bottle the answer that you're looking for we could make millions ;)

In short hun, this sort of things takes time and depending on the the severtiy, if I can use that word, it means getting some support from someone professional.

There is no doubt that the bad stuff is easier to believe, but it's a case of starting again - hearing the new things and starting to believe. Time, belief and effort.... People can be horrible and it can sometimes be so difficult to find the right people to have around us, but it sounds as though you have a good friend. Take it slow and talk to her/us.

Chloe xx

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Old 15-02-2009, 09:25 PM   #4
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A few things i've found that help are each morning, looking at myself in the mirror and smiling. Every time i see a reflection of myself somewhere, I try to make myself smile! Soon i found that I was smiling without having to think about it, and it was picking me up more.

Also what Queer Fringe said about looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you're beautiful. The more you tell yourself something the more likely you are to believe it. It works with negative stuff! It does work with positive stuff, it just takes awhile, especially if you have convinced yourself that you are the most horrible person ever to have walked the earth.

Write yourself out some positive affirmations and stick them to your mirror/door/computer anywhere that you see all the time.

"I AM worth it"
"I AM beautiful"
"I AM lovable"
"I AM special"

If a message gets reinforced all the time you'll start to believe it :)

*cuddles* those have worked for me in the past, hopefully they can help you too!

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

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Old 16-02-2009, 11:36 AM   #5
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thanks ill give those ideas a try. im not exactly a huge fan of the mirror at the moment so i'll maybe start with the sayings and then after i feel more comfortable with that, try looking in the mirror. i know it depends person to person, but for anyone who has already tried, how longish did it take to start to believe it?

and another thing that someone told me today (if there are other people who feel the same way as me) is to do something that scares you a little regularly. just something small, but it can help build confidence. so today i talked to a senior at work who i usually avoid, even though its a very relaxed atmosphere between colleagues. And he was really nice and friendly and that made me feel a bit better for making myself try.

anyway, thanks for the advice, any more always welcome xxx

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Old 16-02-2009, 11:53 AM   #6
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I do these..or I pick out one particular thing if I " hair looks good this morning :)" or "my makeup is good and this outfit makes me look/feel beautiful"

ANDDDD take pictures...lots of when your out and having a laugh....or if you just feel good...:D
then look back at them when you feel abit down...

...&& the cracks begin to show...

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Old 16-02-2009, 02:15 PM   #7
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Doing something slightly scary is good (as long as it's constructive scary! like abseiling or as you did, speaking to someone you wouldn't normally dare to).

I try to have only friends who are positive about me. If you find someone consistently puts you down, they're not a true friend. Even if you need to hear something hard, real friends can find a way of saying what you need to hear construcitvely, and make sure they also let you know that you're special just as you are.

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Old 16-02-2009, 02:24 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Voice of Reason
I do these..or I pick out one particular thing if I " hair looks good this morning :)" or "my makeup is good and this outfit makes me look/feel beautiful"

ANDDDD take pictures...lots of when your out and having a laugh....or if you just feel good...:D
then look back at them when you feel abit down...

These are good!

Also - smile. When you smile, even if you feel horrible, it changes something in you, gives you the chance to stop frowning and feel a smile on your face. I then often smile thinking how silly I might be or something, it has it's effects.

I find I am often giving myself positive self talk, even simply things like "I am beautiful" 'I am awesome". It sounds big headed but if you're only saying it in your head, can't do much harm.

Also, I find the environment I am in plays a massive part for me. Try and have a clean bedroom/car/etc, places you have control over and having them clean really does make a difference to your mood.

Of course, counselling & etc is good to overcome worked-in feelings of guilt, shame, and those sorts. But there are little things you can do along the way to help yourself, and the most important thing is that you are here trying to find some suggestions. The fact you want to feel better is the best way to start.

I also try to listen to music that makes me smile/dance/sing and just, not worry so much about what others think. Easier said than done, but if I enjoy singing in my car loudly and I look silly - who cares! If I'm happy, that's what matters.

Also, in the early stages of all this I made sure I scheduled something nice into my day that I enjoyed. This gave me something to look forward to and also something to reflect on at the end of the day. It comes just as habit now.

I really hope you find what it is that works for you. Thank you for making this post.

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