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Old 08-07-2007, 12:06 AM   #1
ala4
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Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - HELP ME SEE CLEARLY

i was sexually assaulted at age 10,incest survivor,and at different times have done ok or badly,things have been ok for me until my son,age 21,outed himself to me by showing me a poster of naked adolescent boys,on their stomachs,at the beach,for me this was a total trigger and i felt like i was 10 again,i want to be supportive of my son in his chosen sexuality but i did not like that the boys in the picture were so much younger,my son is a world class athelete and has young boys hanging around him all the time,now i am afraid,because of his liking this poster,that he might become a molester,which i know is not really true,he has always been an exceptionally good person and a guardian of the underdog,what can i do to stop these fears,how should i approach him?am i overreacting ?i am starting to regress ever since he showed me the poster

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Old 08-07-2007, 03:57 AM   #2
Mystified
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Hmm, if you're going for the conversation approach, start off by saying something like this, "Son, I'm proud of you for telling me about your sexuality, and I fully support you. But, is there a reason the guys in the poster are so much younger? Is it just a poster you found hot, or is it the fact that they are so much younger that makes you like it?"

Then try to take it from there. Maybe that was the only poster he could find, who knows...



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Old 08-07-2007, 06:38 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bro//ken_Angel View Post
Hmm, if you're going for the conversation approach, start off by saying something like this, "Son, I'm proud of you for telling me about your sexuality, and I fully support you. But, is there a reason the guys in the poster are so much younger? Is it just a poster you found hot, or is it the fact that they are so much younger that makes you like it?"

Then try to take it from there. Maybe that was the only poster he could find, who knows...
QFT.
That is the way to go about the whole conversation approach. He is 21 so shouldn't be too freaked out by sitting and discussing this like adults.

Considering your past experiences it would be harsh to say you are overreacting. You have had to face the harsh truth that not everyone is as they seems from a very young age and to say that you just overreacted, I feel, is putting it all too simply and being too hard on yourself.






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Old 08-07-2007, 11:59 PM   #4
bloodletting
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i agree with above posts...your son must have been struggling with trying to tell you for a while..even if you are close it still was a huge step for him to take, and i guess that best way he could come up with telling you was by showing you that poster, there probably was a better way he could have done it. so no you are not being dramatic.
i think the best way to approach it would be to let him know you are interested in his life etc..that will allow you to lead into asking about the poster, ask him what he likes about it, but i think if you ask him specifically why the boys are so young he might be angry or scared that you are implying that he is a peodophile.
it's a tuff one and i'm sure your son is a good person, and the poster doesnt mean anything other than he is into guys sexually.
good luck hun...sorry couldnt be more help
xoxoxox



Do not follow the common path.....go where there is no path and leave a trail.....


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Old 11-07-2007, 12:08 PM   #5
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Have you approached him? How did it go?
I can understand why that would be hard for you. But it's really brave of you to talk to him about it.
x

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