I wish...
I'd never been born with ocd.
I'd never started self harming.
I'd never learnt to go deep.
I'd never gone into hospital.
I wasn't sitll in hospital after two years.
I'd never gotten sectioned...
twice
My friend's telling me how she's worried about having counselling on her record. What about having two years of hospital, five years (so far) of therapy. Two sections. Countless medications. Countless stitches and overdoses.
I've never had a proper boyfriend.
I've never been to a party.
I want to go to mainstream. Go to oxbridge. And they say I can, but is that just them being optimistic. My GCSEs are nothing compared to what I was predicted before I missed months and months, let me count about 12 months of school. One nurse at hospital told me I'll never be accepted into any univserity because of my history.
It's like my ex said, I'm doomed to die in some psychiatric ward.
I hate myself!
I wish I'd never overdosed and gone to hospital.
Hun, I'm sorry. It isn't YOUR fault you got ill though and those things, they were you way of dealing with it.
I'm sure you could get into university otherwise it's disability discrimination but if you can't. It doesn't really matter..people without degrees can go alot further than people with them. it's life experience.
Look after yourself hun. I'm sorry i've got no good advice.
Love you, Stay Safe and Take Care
Leighxxx
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
I've never been to a party or had a proper boyfriend. Any boyfriend.
Although I've never been in hospital and I made it through uni.
But I do understand how much it aches to want things to be different. How it aches to want to be 'like everyone else' [whatever that is...] It aches beyond aching and hurts beyond hurting sometimes.
I know you wont believe me, but just because you have been through all this it doesnt mean you cant do any of those things, you'll just do them a few years later than other people.
I know I havent been through what you have, and I dont mean to be patronising, but you're only young, not 18 yet...you have so much time ahead of you, so many years of catching up. Im a couple of years older than you, never been to partys or anything like that, cant go to university- all my friends will be starting their second year in September and I still cant go. It doesnt mean I cant do any of those things, it just means im going to be 3 or 4 years behind everyone else.
I know things must really suck for you, you've been through a hell of a lot...but you cant change whats been...you can change what is to come. You will get through all the **** you've been dealt and you will come out a better person than most.
Just to add, i think most people wish they were never born with thier ilnesses.
What ive been told before is how im strong and determind, because many people go to uni and drop out because its hard, while im there, with my ilnesses and still passing classes.
Someone else in my class told me at the end of the year how he had done no coursework what so ever and how he was so depressed and his life was falling apart, and i felt like slapping him, i can manage with suicide attempts, therapy, and i can still do my work in time.
Point being, you can do it if you want it enought, and true, unis cant turn you down, its against the law, you come under the disable act, so they have to help
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
Fallen rain - Sorry don't know your really name - I know this is like uber hypercricical because I don't exactly feel great at the moment but you are so much more of a better person because you are fighting and you have already gotten through some much.
Unless you're wanting 2 study a course where u would b working with vulnerable ppl ( I applied 4 medicine last yr but they didnt like my little trips 2 A and E because of fitness 2 practise guidelines so Im reapplying and praying that I can argue my case!) in terms of uni they won't discriminate against u. They cant, its illegal and if they couldnt give u a good enough reason u could threaten them with court action. So if Oxbridge is what u want, go 4 it! U can claim extenuating circumstances 4 ur exams, I have 4 like 3 years. On a slightly different note, Oxbridge isnt the b all and end all. I went 2 look @ Cambs and hated it! I'd much rather go some where where the pressure was less cos Ive got a big enough list of problems already without having 2 compete against people hu r a lot smarter than me. I'd much rather go somewhere laid back where I could enjoy the social side of uni withovt having a breakdown! My point is that I dont want u 2 go and crack under the pressure so think really carefully abou it if u do apply. Sorry Im not tryin 2 lecture or patronise! It just worries me.
The thing that will make mainstream work 4u is ur strength and you've obv proven that so far by sticking with the therapy 4 5yrs which is amazing. U r NOT doomed 2 die in a psy ward and U WILL come out the other side of this and U WILL do what u wana do in the long run. Dont let some stupid comment from a nurse deter u from following ur dreams.
