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Old 30-01-2010, 09:59 PM   #461
Merc
 
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Oh kahlia, Im so sorry they let you down again!
Is there a different hospital you can go to?
Could your GP get involved?
I know it may feel useless, but if you feel worse (or are still feeling as bad/unsafe as you are) could you try going back? Maybe your roommate could talk to them, demand more/longer care for you?
Perhaps it would 'carry more weight' if your GP talked to the admissions ppl?
I'm sorry they continue to keep treating you this cruelly.
It is NOT a reflection on you, It is ENTIRELY them, giving **** care and support.
*hugs* if ok
xx

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Old 02-02-2010, 06:52 AM   #462
Kahlia1981
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*hugs romp* Unfortunately in this city there is only one hospital that I can go to. My GP feels out of his depth in dealing with me because even if he sends me up there, they will just send me home again.

I don't know anymore. I saw a new pdoc yesterday and he upped my Seroquel to 1000mg and it seems to be keeping the voices and visual hallucinations at bay, but it's my mood and the urges towards suicide and self harm that are a) still there and b) as bad as ever. I don't have the energy or motivation to do anything and I can't stop thinking those dangerous thoughts. I don't have a tdoc so I can't get psychological help and I don't see the pdoc again until late March or so.

I just want it all to end. All the **** to stop. To go for one whole minute without feeling the urge to kill myself.



She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *


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Old 02-02-2010, 11:09 PM   #463
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I really hope the increase helps. Did/do you ever find that when you start a new dose, it gives you cramps/aches in your feet and shins?
Can you possibly bring the appt forward a bit?
xx

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Old 06-02-2010, 09:19 AM   #464
Kahlia1981
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Some times the only reasonable course of action is to flee ..... other times you should invite all the "special" parties to a fine meal where the drink flows freely and then, when they are all drunk and sleepy, have your horde of barbarian heroes kill the lot of them.



She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *


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Old 06-02-2010, 09:29 AM   #465
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*cuddles* You know where I am if you ever need someone to talk to



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 06-02-2010, 10:03 AM   #466
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Thanks Kat.

There was an article in today's paper citing recent research that found that there was a large majority of people who, after a suicide attempt or deliberate self harm, are not offered any kind of psychiatric/psychological follow-up. I'm going to use it to write a letter to the editor pointing out that this would not be surprising to anyone who had any dealings with the Townsville District Mental Health Service ... and then get into the kind of horrors that occur.

It gives me something to do while I'm feeling so down at the moment.



She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *


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Old 06-02-2010, 11:37 AM   #467
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Good luck with that Kahlia, let us know if you get any response from it



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 07-02-2010, 12:15 PM   #468
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I have been researching the Townsville Hospital's murky past in relation to psychiatry. I'm reading a lot about the Ward 10B inquiry (patients and their families and friends were subjected to "therapeutic community therapy") where all patients were forced to attend all group therapy sessions and each patient was discussed infront of all other patients and onlookers who then voted on what the appropriate action should be. Patients were treated with drugs almost to the point of the "deep-sleep" therapy used in another hospital at the time. Patients were all treated the same regardless of what illness they came from, and it was believed that the illnesses stemmed from only the environmental and social aspects of the patients life. 65 people died .... 27 from suicide.

After reading that I started reading the "lovely" case of The Townsville Hospital having on staff as an RMO/trainee psychiatrist a Dr Berg who had forged the medical degrees that he claimed to have. It was our previous Director on Mental Health and the current Director of the Hospital that allowed Dr Berg to practice in Townsville. Apparantly they did not bother to check the certifications of this bogus doctor and, after his fraud was discovered THEY DID NOT LET THE PATIENTS KNOW.

When you add to that the constant abuse of patients, deprivation of liberty, misuse of the Mental Health Act 2000 (Amended 2009) and the consistent mis-diagnosis and inaction of the Psychiatric Consulting staff you start to get the feeling that even though the location of the Psych ward has changed .... nothing else has or ever will.

And now with John Riley as the Director of Mental Health ??? Things are going to go on such a downhill slide that I can see another Royal Commission coming up. You can't even make a complaint (as is your right) because it will just be swallowed by "the boys club". If you live in Townsville region and have a complaint ... go straight to the Queensland Health Minister Paul Lucas.

The only reason anyone should attend The Townsville Hospital Acute Mental Health unit is if they seriously want to commit suicide, copicide (suicide by cop) or be tasered to death. If you want to live .... go to Cairns or Brisbane.



She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *


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Old 08-02-2010, 05:39 PM   #469
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Gosh that doesn't sound to good at all Kahlia. How are you doing? *leave hugs*



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 08-02-2010, 09:17 PM   #470
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Yeah Kat. The problem is that it's true. I haven't stated anything that isn't happening.

I feel awful. I've been in a depressed mood for about 5 weeks now and just can't see a way out of it. I tried to go for a bike ride to the Mental Illness Fellowship of North Queensland yesterday and just broke down in tears. After about 10 minutes I just put the bike away and went back upstairs. I kept crying for about two hours. And the worst thing is, I don't know why. Right now I seem to be in the darkest, deepest pit I've ever been in. I don't think it's psychological because I can't find a cause. There might be one, I don't know, but there's nothing that I can put my finger on. I think it might be that the lithium isn't working ... but I have to wait until March 29th to talk to my pdoc. I just don't know what to do anymore. Things are happening that should make me happy, but they just don't touch me. *sigh*



She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *


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Old 09-02-2010, 12:13 PM   #471
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*cuddles* Hang in there hun, you will get through this. Let me know if I can help in any way?



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 19-02-2010, 01:09 PM   #472
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I've been a bit absent for a while, but I've been putting the complaints process to the test. I made a formal written complaint to Qld Health - who are asking the Townsville District to investigate, and another complaint in to the Health Quality & Complaints Commission. The later will take some time to take effect - I already know that ... but hopefully it will see two things righted: 1) I will no longer have (dr) Brian Strueby as my Consulting Psychiatrist when on the ward and 2) My official diagnosis will be updated to what it should be, not what was decided after a single 5 minute consultation. Although they are adding things like DID and PTSD.

I am so far out of my depth now that I don't know what to do. I had to go up to the hospital with my housemate today and have only just gotten home. I got so anxious about things that I was nearly freaking out, and having to catch the 20:44 bus home really didn't help matters. It's now almost 10 pm and I've taken another two Xanax (making it three - 6mgs) for the day. And I can see I'm going to need more.

I think I've lost the plot. The only good thing that happened today was that I got a phone call from CATT (the crisis team) and he seemed to realise that I was in a dangerous situation. I asked them to call me early next week (and he said Tuesday) and informed them that I would ring in the meantime. I also emailed the pdoc that I saw letting them know that things were still progressively getting worse.

Ha, the CAT Team told me that I must have extremely good coping mechanisms ... and I was trying to tell them that I'm coping on pure luck. Right now I just want to get up tomorrow, walk down to the hardware store on the corner of the street and buy implements that my housemate has previously informed me I cannot have for my own safety.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I am losing control and am absolutely terrified that that in itself is going to result in either a suicide attempt or severe self harm. I don't want to do anything like that. I don't want to push what I had to suffer when Jem (my ex-boyfriend) suicided.

I just want out right now .... For gods sake - any god would do here - please let me find someway to keep it together until morning.

I just don't know anymore ...

Kat && romp: Thankyou so much for your support, offers of help and suggestions. I want you to know they have been much appreciated. ♥



She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *


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Old 19-02-2010, 01:21 PM   #473
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Just as an addendum to my previous post: Any suggestions regarding distractions, activities that raise mood, the uses of psychology services during a chronic Major Depressive episode ... pretty much anything would be greatly appreciated. I'm struggling to find ways to keep myself from thinking and acting on dangerous thoughts.

A poem follows that should only be read if you are somewhere safe. It would definitely be classed as morbid . . .

*Potential SI trigger following*

The silver blade that drags across my skin
Lets forth the crimson flow that dwells within
Releasing the demons with it's flow
Relief the righteous never know
And yet the flow remains steady and true
The crimson life that proves the end of you

*End SI Trigger*



She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *


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Old 19-02-2010, 06:20 PM   #474
Merc
 
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Oh luv, I still am appalled at how you are being treated, sorry NOT treated.
That was incredibly brave to make those complaints. I know you are not one to just let it lie and continue.
Even in your hell right now, you are looking out for others, trying to right some terrible wrongs.
If there is anything I can do to help, just name it, Ok?
Much love
xxx

(as to distractions; tbh, I was terrible at them. Is getting out on your bike, to burn off some anger, etc an option? I worry you might be safe enough to do that tho...do quiet things like books or movies help? Soothing bath? Or pick up some cheap paints and just paint away, no structure just...paint? One thing I had fun with...some of my bath towels were looking blah/faded, took them in the back yard on the clothesline, filled a spray bottle with bleach and water and just blasted away. They turned out well so I ended up doing a pair of pants, a shirt and a pair for D...was fun :P)

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Old 20-02-2010, 05:42 AM   #475
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romp: Right now I could cuddle you ... and probably end up crying on your shoulder. I made those complaints not just to help me, but to ensure that nothing like what has happened to me happens to anyone else. I mean, can you imagine how many people are slipping though the system and ending up dead or in jail ? That just hurts me really bad.

My housemate and I are definitely going to write an article to be submitted (alone with references where cited - including where they were obtained) to the local paper to the effect that the atrocities committed in Townsville's Ward 10B and places like Chelmsford Private Hospital in NSW still continue ... just more quietly.

There is no real point in making a complaint to the Director of Mental Health, or the hospital Complaints Officer, or realistically for that matter to the Director of Health at TTH (The Townsville Hospital) as there is an inherent (and obvious) boys club where they support each other to the point that they reply with aggressive defensive attitudes and dismiss complaints made by patients.

The whole thing makes me want to chunder ..... *sigh* I just want out of the system ... is that too much to ask for ?



She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *


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Old 02-04-2010, 11:10 AM   #476
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I'm resurrecting this thread because I have stuff to stay that all still fits into this category. Instead of starting another thread along the same lines I will just awaken this one....

First: The hospital and the complaint
- will be in a hide

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Discussion of HQCC hidden for confidentiality reasons
The first round was met with nothing more than pure lies, barely hidden threats and more mistruths then you could poke a stick at. Seriously politicians could learn something from our clinical Director of mental health. Basically he was saying that everything that had happened was my fault.

So, we wrote a response. In the response we addressed every lie and bit of misinformation. We told the truth (and nothing but the truth). And we told them about them clinically administering me an overdose. Not once, but twice. We told them about the way I was when I was discharged after the second overdose, how we sought help from the Medications Line, what they told us was the maximum dose and also that they told us if I continued to exhibit the symptoms I should "seek urgent medical attention".

They have a chance to reply. But this could now be interesting. The clinical director and I hate each other .... but now the HQCC has to work out where it stands.

One other thing about the hospital. Both times they overdosed me, they did not treat the symptoms ... even when they were informed.


It seems that in our psych hospital, you are fairly safe as long as a) the clinical director likes you and b) you don't have ANY physical issues.

My Shoulder:


Twice now I've had my GP go off in a rant about not being able to give me narcotics. I have no idea why he keeps choosing to go off at his patients, but personally I don't think it's appropriate. If you're having a bad day, or you're mad at the administrative staff or whatever, your patients are NOT to blame, so don't get up them. *screams*

Anyway I've been seeing a physiotherapist at the hospital since july/august I guess. Initially for my wrist (the schapoid injury) and then for my shoulder. My GP asked for a "progress report" given the new information (I now have shoulder bursitis with bursal and supraspinatus impingement syndrome) and she told him that I only have support until May 5th. Then apparently I'm on my own. Even with this new issue. So I don't know what the heck is going to happen there.

Psychiatrist:

My new psychiatrist (since Feb) is going well. He saw me twice in March - once as an emergency, when he made a change to my medication that saw my depression begin to life, and once for a regular-but-still-made-in-between-when-it-was-supposed-to-be appointment. He did the same thing there. He's brilliant. It's a pity that the only way that I can see him is to be a private patient under the public system. But at least that means (and ensures) that I see him, and only him, on every visit.

Psychologist:


Want to hear something funny? Around about the time the clinical director would have received my initial complaint I received a psychologist. From what I can gather (and believe me that isn't much although I've seen him 3 times) he is only seeing me to work out what sort of illness I have (and all the tests he has done tell him I don't have what the hospital says I have) and work out who he should refer me on to. This all seem quite coincidental. I'm literally still trying to work out what is going on here. Sometimes (he used to be a teacher) I think he still thinks he is in a classroom. His habit of using his session with me as "downtime" in order to do paperwork or transfer paperwork to the computer is causing some irritation I must admit.

The Good News:

Monday my housemate, I and a good friend (and her two kids) are going for a Road Trip to Cairns, where we are going to spend approximately 4 days and 3 nights. We'll be coming back on my housemate's birthday. I'm excited about all of that I must admit. It will be really nice not to be in this hell-hole for a while. Just to get away ...

Anyway, I'd better go for now. Just trying to catch up on everything, and I'm sure there is plenty that I've missed. Oh well.



She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *


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Old 02-04-2010, 11:20 AM   #477
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*Hugs* I think you are such a strong woman I really do, you keep fighting despite how much **** is thrown your way. I really admire that quality in you, keep fighting hun. You will make it through this. I am glad you have got a road trip planned, it sounds like something that could be really helpful, just to get away from it all for awhile. Remember also I am only a PM away if you ever need to talk. Take care
Kat xxx



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 02-04-2010, 11:28 AM   #478
Kahlia1981
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*hugs Kat back*

Thanks Kat. That means a lot to me.
Yeah, the road trip could be just what we (all) need.
We just need to get away from it all and have a really good time.
*big hugs*



She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *


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Old 02-04-2010, 11:41 AM   #479
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I really hope it is a wonderful time; you all deserve it, god knows.
Kat is right; you ARE incredible, how you keep fighting. Not only for you, but for others.
So they dont face what you have.
You are an inspiration, you really are.
xxxx

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Old 03-04-2010, 11:13 AM   #480
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*hugs romp and holds you tight*

I want to say something to all of you - to anyone who reads this.

I am nothing special. What I am and what I have done is something that can be and could be done by any of us. I stood up for myself, and for other people and you can, and one day may have to, do the same. I really hope that it doesn't have to happen, but if it does, you will be able to.

I didn't believe that I had the skills I needed - the daily coping skills. Then I looked back and realised that I had survived 19 months without self-harming. And in that time I had faced trials that I never thought I would survive. But I made it. And you can to.

I'm not going to say "you can do it because I can" or tell you it's easy. I know the path is hard, and I know your road will be different to mine. But you will get there one day. It might take one try. It might take several. But if you don't give up on yourself you will get there.

And one thing, always remember that you are the fire that burns within you. Take care of yourself, always.



She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *


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