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Old 31-08-2008, 02:58 PM   #1
Lonely In The Crowd
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Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Virginity, Child Sexual Abuse

If your sexually abused then you've lost your virginity to that disgusting person, right? I was sexually abused when I was around 3 or 4 and there was penetration so that disgusting man stole it didn't he? Can you still be considered a virgin if it was not consentual? I suppose I already know the answer, I just what to know what others think and need to vent! When you lose your virginity it's meant to be something special and to someone you love, well at least that's wat I would have liked. I just feel so dirty and damaged. How can anyone ever love me?




"Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you"
Mad World, Gary Jules


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Old 31-08-2008, 03:10 PM   #2
Ingenue
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Trace words are perfect & exactly what i believe.
Virginity is in the eye of the beholder.
Some people say it's too do with penetration, others believe they only lose their virginity when they sleep with someone they love.

Try not to think like this hun, None of this was your fault & you are NOT a bad person.
Anyone will see you & love you for you. For your personality, your achievements, your unique abilities.

xx



"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay"


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Old 31-08-2008, 10:02 PM   #3
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Oh sweetheart...*holds your hand gently*...It's true what Trace says, but I can sense from your thread so many feelings I have and have had myself. If I went from the first physical "act", I would have lost mine at 8 years old. But after a lot of time, talking and so on, I'm coming round to the idea that I will lose my virginity when it's consensual and with someone I love and trust. I know how it feels to feel like you're unlovable and dirty and broken after abuse, I understand those feelings so much - I deal with them myself. It's all up to you how you wish to view this - just don't ever think you'll believe this is how you'll always be. I was dead-set that I would never be loved and that I would always be dirty and broken but that changed. And those feelings will change for you too.

If you ever need someone to vent to or to understand, I'm only ever a PM away. Take care lovely <3

xx



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Old 03-09-2008, 06:23 PM   #4
foxfly
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Something was taken from me then; I call it my virginity. I was three or four too. It doesn't make any sense to loose your virginity then, but I don't know what else to call it.



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Old 05-09-2008, 06:58 AM   #5
Lonely In The Crowd
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Thanks heaps for all your replies and hugs.
I agree that we didn't 'make love' so in that sense i haven't lost my virginity but i believe he has taken it though. Oh, just typing that sentence has made me cry; "we" and "love"! I have this link to this disgusting man that I want to sever but I just can't seem to, I don't know how to and I don't think I can or that it is possible. I feel I'm letting him win, letting him control my life! Sometimes I think of suicide so he can't control me anymore and then I think I'm just letting him win again. I just don't know what to do! Medically speaking I've lost my virginity, right? I feel I deserved it. I deserve every bad thing that has ever happened to me and every bad thing that's still coming my way! It was all my fault! I'm a bad, evil, dirty, disgusting, damaged, piece of ****!! I don't deserve to be loved and the people that say they do love me are deluding themselves! I can't get what happened/him out of my head! I'm so scared and sick of it all!



"Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you"
Mad World, Gary Jules


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Old 05-09-2008, 02:41 PM   #6
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Different people think different things.. if what you say it true then i am the same i lost mine at a young age but i don't blieve that and like you said you only loose it when you do it with someone you love and care about so that is what i would say i lost my virginity at a more reasonable age to someone more safer..

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Old 06-09-2008, 03:16 AM   #7
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I don't like giving things up that are taken from me. So I say that I didn't lose it then. I don't want to give him any more than I've already lost. So yeah. That's how I go. But other people feel differently or make the same decision for different reasons.



No.

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Old 14-09-2008, 12:21 AM   #8
saved the strawberries
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someone told me once to think of it this way. if you think about one day making love and if you think that would be a new experience for you (would feel different) then you can still consider yourself a virgin. if you feel like it's something you've experienced, on the emotional level, then your not.



After I've cried my last, there will be beauty from pain



Cling to the promise - there will be a dawn


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Old 14-09-2008, 11:36 PM   #9
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Hey,

saved the strawberries' words were perfect and exactly what I wanted to say ... I can't add anything to that.

You are not still linked to him hun, you are your own person and he does not have any control or hold over you or your life anymore. Even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

Have you got a friend or psych you can talk to about how you're feeling? I think with things like abuse it can become a secret (because of feeling ashamed / dirty) and then it just makes you feel alone, unlovable etc because no one knows.

You did not deserve any of the bad things that happened to you. It was not your fault. You do deserve love and support and happiness, and you can find these things in your future; please get the help and care you deserve to help you deal with these issues and feelings that you're going through so that you can move forward.

Take care of yourself xx



Courage is found in unlikely places J.R.R. Tolkien

Nothing is written - T. E. Lawrence

If you're going through Hell, keep going Winston Churchill

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible T. E. Lawrence

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Old 15-09-2008, 05:08 PM   #10
Lonely In The Crowd
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What "saved the strawberries" said does make a lot of sense but I still can't get it out of my head that he has taken something precious from me, that he has damaged me in some way! How do I get him out of my head, my dreams, my thoughts, off my skin? It's been about 15 yrs since it happened and it still haunts me, he still haunts me! I used to scrub my skin till it bled to get him off me, the "dirt", but I don't do that anymore because I'm trying to stop Self Injuring. I don't know what to do! Sometimes I want to start scrubbing my skin again and bashing my head again to get him out. I just don't know what to do! Will he/it ever go away? I think of suicide a lot, thinking it may "solve" this problem! But I know it won't, I'll still be stuck with me! I see a psychologist once a fortnight which does help a little but it's not enough! I'm so scared of myself, of resorting back to my old ways! Does anyone have any suggestions of constructive things to help me calm down after talking about this stuff with my psych? It's been nearly 10 months since I last Self Injured and I still think about it everyday, do the urges and thoughts ever leave? If they don't I think I may as well give in and stop fighting it and just do it!



"Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you"
Mad World, Gary Jules


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Old 16-09-2008, 06:00 PM   #11
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im sorry iv not got anything to say really

but wanted to give you a hug

so hugs tight

take care midnight xxxx



There is no chance, no destiny no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul



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Old 16-09-2008, 07:05 PM   #12
ImperfectMe
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I know how you feel, I was abused from the age of 5 till i was 9, and i HATE the thought that it was him that took my virginity.. I still don't know whether I think it counts or not.
Im here if you ever wanna talk xxx



and there she goes with her head in the clouds again, ignoring the drama and chasing her dreams. because to her, reality is a stranger.


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