Live Help


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 22-06-2007, 06:57 PM   #1
Silent Tears
 
Silent Tears's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:
I don't know whats happening *Trig*

This is probably going to sound really stupid...but thats me...stupid...but I don't know what is happening to me right now...things are really hard

I have no control other aspects of my life...and I self harm in a way to get control...although the self harm has moved from harming as such to eating habits...all over again

I go from eating nothing...to binging and then purging...I hate the fact that I lose control...I hate what it makes me...yet at the same time...when I restrict I feel happy for following the rules as such...and when I purge...I feel proud of myself in a sick and twisted way...again I have followed their rules

Yesterday I had 2 binges...they weren't huge...but I still had to purge...and I did...I feel bad about doing it...yet pleased too...I feel like such a freak right now

Sorry...not sure whats happening...I spoke with my youth pastor tonight...and all that really came of it on my part...was me feeling really bad and eating a small pork pie...feel really ****...I hate to say it...but I can feel a binge coming on...and I don't know how to stop it from happening...I can't let it happen again...as if I don't binge...I won't purge

I was hoping to go to the gym tonight...however am too tired...and feeling so bad in myself

Dads out tonight...and so I'm home alone...and feel so alone right now...I invited a friend up...however she is babysitting...I know that isn't her fault...I just don't feel too safe right now being alone

Feel so bad...sorry

I'm a fat stupid idiot...I saw someone today who was pretty big...and thought thats what I look like...I was repulsed by it...still am...sends shivers down my spine...I just see these people...and I'm trying so hard to not be that way anymore...I know its mean...sorry


Last edited by Silent Tears : 25-06-2007 at 10:07 PM.
Silent Tears is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-06-2007, 07:05 PM   #2
EyelinerAndCigarettes
 
EyelinerAndCigarettes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
I am currently:

aww babe
It seems like your having such a hard time right now. *hugs*
Does anyone know about this?
Please try and talk to someone babe, this isnt doing your body or mind any good.
sorry im usless right now...
I really do care hun.
*more and more huggles*
xx helen <3







EyelinerAndCigarettes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-06-2007, 07:09 PM   #3
Nici-x
tired of fighting...
 
Nici-x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: West Midlands
I am currently:

Don't appologise, i always do the same thing. I see overweight people and think 'Arghh thats what i look like'
Is there anyone else you could call up to come over to yours? When you say you dont feel too safe, do you mean you are feeling suicidal?

You are not a freak. However i can relate to feeling like one also. Whenevver i purge, i feel satisfied and pleased with myself, but then im feeling guilty and bad about doing it. Your not alone with this darlin.

Keep posting if it helps. Hope your ok, and take care of yourself.
x x x



[If you think you can win, then you can win. Faith is necessary to victory]



Nici-x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-06-2007, 07:13 PM   #4
Silent Tears
 
Silent Tears's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

*hidden_pain*...not really...people did know...but I stopped them believing so...and am too scared to say more

Nici-x...feel really unsafe...need to doe something...no...no one can/would come...sorry...I feel like a freak

Just ate...mustn't purge it...but I can't stand it being in me

Sorry...can't handle this right...need it out of me...I'm so sorry

Silent Tears is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-06-2007, 07:16 PM   #5
surprising mystery
 
surprising mystery's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Suffolk, UK
I am currently:

I compare myself to others in similar ways, dont feel sorry or mean, its just how you feel. Its normal to have mixed emotions about anything and everything, purging included, this doesnt make you a freak. Everyone gets pleasure from things that arn't always good for them, dunno why but its just like that. Take care and would you be able to phone another mate or family friend to keep you occupied even if they dont come over. Try to keep busy on here and also I just wanted to give you samaritans number as they are really good.. 08457909090

Lots of love xxx



L_M_G is my mummy :) inkerman and razorbladedarling are my two non-identical twin sprogs (concieved on same day) Scabette< cos she has the cutest puppy dog eyes and i cant resist!feeling-afraid< my bottle of glitter!! which i just have to have :Pmidnight stars< my gorgeous sister, whom i love to bits ;) Dance With The Fairy< *star*gazing*buddie :] Broken-Fairy is my partner in crime ;) little_miss is my real life saviour PaperClip is my stationary queen



surprising mystery is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-06-2007, 07:18 PM   #6
Silent Tears
 
Silent Tears's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

Thanks...I'm sorry

Am trying to fight purging it...but its so hard...I'm not strong enough

Sorry

Silent Tears is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-06-2007, 07:28 PM   #7
surprising mystery
 
surprising mystery's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Suffolk, UK
I am currently:

You are sweetie, I know its hard, maybe come on queendom and I will be there and we can have a competition to see who is the most ramdom? :P ? xxx



L_M_G is my mummy :) inkerman and razorbladedarling are my two non-identical twin sprogs (concieved on same day) Scabette< cos she has the cutest puppy dog eyes and i cant resist!feeling-afraid< my bottle of glitter!! which i just have to have :Pmidnight stars< my gorgeous sister, whom i love to bits ;) Dance With The Fairy< *star*gazing*buddie :] Broken-Fairy is my partner in crime ;) little_miss is my real life saviour PaperClip is my stationary queen



surprising mystery is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-06-2007, 07:29 PM   #8
Silent Tears
 
Silent Tears's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

I failed...I tried...but I couldn't hold out...I'm sorry


Silent Tears is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-06-2007, 08:55 PM   #9
browneyedgal
 
browneyedgal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Surrey, London, UK
I am currently:

*huge huggles*

*sends love and kisses and takes pain away*



~*~ Luv Shrina ~*~

browneyedgal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-06-2007, 08:59 PM   #10
Silent Tears
 
Silent Tears's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

Thanks hun...means a lot right now...really struggling...sorry

Silent Tears is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-06-2007, 12:04 PM   #11
Psiren
Apathetic without the 'A'
 
Psiren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Warrington, UK
I am currently:

*hugs*
You have to try and keep fighting.
I'm sorry your struggling right now, I really wish I could just take it away from you.
*cuddle*
Look after yourself yeah?






Psiren is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-06-2007, 12:54 PM   #12
EyelinerAndCigarettes
 
EyelinerAndCigarettes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
I am currently:

*hugs you so tight*
we are all here for you babe.
xxx helen <3







EyelinerAndCigarettes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-06-2007, 06:38 PM   #13
Silent Tears
 
Silent Tears's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

Thanks guys

I feel so sick

Went round my nans...she made me have tea there...I haven't purged it...but feel so bad

I weighed myself this afternoon...and I've lost around 2 pounds...its nothing I know...but its way better then putting it on...and now I feel like I have put it on...all of it and more

Feel really bad right now...sorry...my dads going out in a bit...and will be alone...I'm sorry...I can't stand this in me

Silent Tears is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-06-2007, 05:00 AM   #14
ashlee_118
Hidden Tears
 
ashlee_118's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Brisbane Australia
I am currently:

*hugs* keep fighting hun
pm anytime you need even just 2 distract yourself
take care
Ash xxx

ashlee_118 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-06-2007, 02:03 PM   #15
y a s m i n
looking for somewher to stay
 
y a s m i n's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: London, UK
I am currently:

*hugs* please take care and stay strong, u can fight this...

yasmin
xxx






x


y a s m i n is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-06-2007, 03:25 PM   #16
Dreaming.
You are free.
 
Dreaming.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: England.
I am currently:

Try not to weigh yourself throughout the day; the readings that you get will be false, because of weight fluctuations. If you must, weigh yourself in the morning after going to the toilet - that's your truest weight.

As for the purging - you can keep it inside of you. Most people do. Please try, please try to fight it. As soon as you allow yourself to purge, it becomes acceptable, psychologically. If you keep trying to challenge it, or find something else to do - the feelings will subside over time.

Take care,
Jo xo

Dreaming. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-06-2007, 07:19 PM   #17
Silent Tears
 
Silent Tears's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

I'm sorry...had a really rough day

I had a tomato and some jelly babies today...feel like a fat bitch...am hoping to get out of tea...I can't face food...the thought of it makes me feel sick...sorry

Silent Tears is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-06-2007, 07:57 PM   #18
browneyedgal
 
browneyedgal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Surrey, London, UK
I am currently:

*squishes you*

Huni, well done on eating the jelly babies and the tomato, im sooo proud of you.

i can relli relate to you and i promise hunni things will be ok.

please pm if anything hunni

take care of you darling

*sends lots of love & kisses*



~*~ Luv Shrina ~*~

browneyedgal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-06-2007, 08:10 PM   #19
Silent Tears
 
Silent Tears's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

I had the jelly babies...as we were learning to use chopsticks...am going to china soon...and we've had to have Chinese lessons...however she taught us to use chopsticks today...everyone would have looked if I didn't...i had 4 i think


Feel so bad...then had a tomato...it was a small one...but enough to make me want to purge...however I couldn't

My friend then did my hair...as she is training to be a hairdresser...well she washed it and straightened it and stuff...I felt so self conscious...and so fat...everyone there was so pretty and slim...felt so ****...feel really bad right now

I chucked my tea in the bin down the road...and cooked it...so it looks and smells like I had it...put a bit in the bin and the stuff in the dish washer...so he doesn't know otherwise...feel so bad

Feel like I'm going to cry right now...sorry

Silent Tears is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-06-2007, 09:29 PM   #20
Dreaming.
You are free.
 
Dreaming.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: England.
I am currently:

Please can you put a stronger trigger warning on this post, now?
The more you focus on the food, the worse it's going to get. Try distracting yourself when you eat - engage in a conversatoin, be on the computer. Don't focus on the fact that you're eating. Distract yourself afterwards, call a friend, allow yourself to be pampered.

What do you really want to achieve? Are you, by posting this, looking for support for your eating? Do you want to get better?

Don't be sorry. What have you got to be sorry for? If you feel bad, work out why you feel bad, and try to challenge that. Turn that negative feeling into a positive action. You can do this.

Also, please remember that the Supporters are here for you, via live help, or via email at supporters@recoveryourlife.com

Take care,
Jo x

Dreaming. is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 04:27 AM.

Back to top