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Old 19-06-2007, 05:40 AM   #1
beforemyway
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Triggering (Abuse) - Verbal abuse/desire to control: is it him or me?

My boyfriend and I are both part of an online community together, and over the past couple years i've been dating him, some people on that community have told me that he is verbally abusive, and controling. They don't know him in person, they only know what I tell them, and what he posts. The other day he posted something about his beliefs on marrage, and someone told me he's worried that it sounded like my boyfriend wants me all to himself to control. Everyone who knows him in person though think's he's amazing. My family adores him.

Lately, things have been kinda messed up, and I've been blowing up at him alot. He's started telling me that I'm the one who is abusive to him.

I don't know what to think anymore. am I abusive? is he abusive? How can I tell???

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Old 19-06-2007, 05:44 AM   #2
helper1218
 
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Generally someone being verbally abusive is when they always put you down, call you names, say you're not good enough, stupid, never let you have a say or opinon in anything--that kind of stuff. It's also bad if he doesn't like you to talk to other people or wants to know where you are 24/7 or is constantly suspicious of you cheating. Does that help at all hun?

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Old 19-06-2007, 05:50 AM   #3
bloodletting
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i agree with above post..the other thing i'd say is i think it's really hard to actually know someone if you've never met them in person..if you dont see it then i wouldnt be worried, just keep an eye out for controlling behaviour. i cant see how these people online could know him better then you do.
and as for you being abusive...blowing up at someone when your having an argument isnt abusive on its own, i think if it continued and you put him down a lot etc then it would start to be abusive, thats just my opinion though.
sorry couldnt be more help
take care hun
xoxox



Do not follow the common path.....go where there is no path and leave a trail.....


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Old 19-06-2007, 06:51 AM   #4
beforemyway
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isn't there an issue of anger or manipulation that might not be so cut and dry as some of the concepts listed above?

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