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Old 11-10-2012, 07:57 AM   #6301
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What ****ing genius came up with the idea of making women drink 2 pints of water and then wait an hour before a nuchal scan!? I have had about 200ml so far and I think my bladder is going to explode. Not a chance am I drinking that much I will wee myself on the bus! *end rant*


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Old 11-10-2012, 10:41 AM   #6302
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is today your 12 weeks scan Katy?

Let us know how it goes.

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Old 11-10-2012, 12:40 PM   #6303
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How are you feeling Debbie?
Im definitely going down a road i don't want to be and also feel guilty. As a mum its feels like we aren't allowed to be down and struggling but unfortunately it does happen and is very common. I try to keep positive but at the minute it is so hard. Id love to just run away some days and hide away.
oh so sorry to hear your not so good, it really sucks! it doesent help that the dark nights are closing in and we havent really had a summer

things are not good here, I had an argument with Tom and I told him i hate my life, now he keeps bringing it up and saying its not normal, Ill admit this to you, but not to myself or any professional but i dont feel well (in a mental health way), im crying all the time, now saul walks around saying sauls crying its affecting the kids.

I just cant do it im a **** mother, Rebecca (here is the big fear) is going to turn out like me, she is going to end up having a **** life and hating herself suffering from mental health problems and self harming. she needs another mother 'Im not good enough and i just dont want her to gorw up like me



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Old 11-10-2012, 12:53 PM   #6304
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It was. Scan went really well apart from baby being a stubborn little thing!

I am 11 weeks 6 days as I thought, everything looked good. They needed baby lying flat on his back for the nuchal but he was fast asleep bolt upright and no amount of poking, shaking and rolling was making him move. I was told to go for a walk for 20 minutes then to come back and try again but I was dying for the loo what with the insane amount of water I had drank an hour before and I last 5 minutes on the walk before I went back begging to go toilet!

Baby woke up on the walk and she managed to get what she needed between the three scans she did (I caved half way through the second one and insisted I went toilet before she did any more pushing on my bladder). Baby also had hiccups which was very cute :)

So yeah it went great, I feel a little more relaxed for now at least!

_______________

Debbie you aren't a bad mum you are having a hard time, I know it is difficult but if you want to set a good example to the kids trying asking professionals for help and show them that things might be bad sometimes but if you reach out to people then they can get better. You don't have to put up with feeling like this.



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Old 11-10-2012, 01:56 PM   #6305
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Debbie, Rebecca and Saul need you and love you as their mummy. Please do ask for help and support. Things seem to be getting worse and look like it isnt going ti get much better. Do you think it is the post partrum depression or "clinical depression? Everyone needs support an help from time to time. It is definitely better ti ask for it xxx



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Old 11-10-2012, 07:46 PM   #6306
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Debbie, i truely believe the best thing you can do for your children is to seek help so that you are able to continue being a fantastic mummy.

No one is going to think youve failed.. **** it, no one but you and hubby need even know. Youre not breast feeding so you dont have to worry about that.

From having spoken to lots of mothers during all my panics i have come to believe that absolutely everyone suffers from some kind of a post natal depression, and that motherhood turns everyone.. even those with no previous mental health issues, a little bit insane.


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Katy - im so pleased everything went ok today.
(i shall refrain from getting too excited until you decide its safe to do so)





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Old 11-10-2012, 07:59 PM   #6307
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*hugs Debbie*

i hope you get to talk to someone soon. my mum has reactive depression, and she's brought up 5 kids, its only me that ended up weird, the others are fine, my mum sees a psychotherapist, and goes on medication when she needs it, it doesnt make her a bad mum, and i know me and my siblings definately wouldn't have been better off without her.

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Old 11-10-2012, 08:54 PM   #6308
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No-one in my family has depression except me.... go figure! Get some help hun, get out, do things, baby groups etc, ask health visitors what support they can offer/refer you to. There's nothing to lose, it's all worth a try. Your babies don't want anyone else, they want you.



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Old 12-10-2012, 08:18 AM   #6309
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*hugs Debbie*

i hope you get to talk to someone soon. my mum has reactive depression, and she's brought up 5 kids, its only me that ended up weird, the others are fine, my mum sees a psychotherapist, and goes on medication when she needs it, it doesnt make her a bad mum, and i know me and my siblings definately wouldn't have been better off without her.

x
*hugs back*

that encourages me, and its strange I dont have these worries for Saul only Rebecca

what is reactive depression?

thanks Mand, we are out at activities every day, I know your all right I do need help, im just scared



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Old 12-10-2012, 11:34 AM   #6310
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Is there a close friend you can confide in, who could come to appointments with you or look after the children whilst you go? I'd offer if I lived close enough.

What's more scary, facing this and sorting it, or not facing it and letting it get worse and affecting your kids?



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Old 12-10-2012, 06:55 PM   #6311
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*hugs back*

that encourages me, and its strange I dont have these worries for Saul only Rebecca

what is reactive depression?
sorry, *reactionary depression. its depression that is triggered off in very stressful circumstances.
for my mum, it's things like this whole social services thing, when her mum got cancer, she gets depressed, goes on medication for maybe 6 months, and then she is ok.

If you do have post natal depression, i would think that was maybe the reason that you are only worrying about Rebecca in this way, because the depression would have been triggered by the birth, if that makes any sense at all? im just speculating, but it makes sense to me!

what is it that is scaring you so much?
xx



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Old 13-10-2012, 07:43 PM   #6312
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How did you guys cope with teething? Lucas is finally getting teeth through at the rip age of 11 months but he's screaming all day and wakes up about 6 times during the night and stays awake for at least 30mins. I'm finding it so difficult to be loving towards him when I get home from work and I just want to relax. I feel like I have no maternal instincts at all! I just want him to not be here pretty much all of the time. I've never really felt much love towards him but this teething is making it even worse!



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Old 13-10-2012, 07:53 PM   #6313
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Can you maybe imagine what he is going through? When Elliot was teething all I could think about was the pain he must be in. Have you used teething powders or gels? I find anbesol liquid amazing and if its really bad then calpol or calprofen. Can you and your OH take turns to see to him? Or maybe your parents can have him overnight to give you a rest?




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Old 13-10-2012, 09:32 PM   #6314
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I do think it must be so painful for him I just think I'm an evil mother that has no love to give! :(

He still sleeps in our room because his room isn't ready yet so it's difficult to take it in turns and get away from the screaming

I just don't feel like I'm a proper mum



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Old 14-10-2012, 03:42 AM   #6315
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Are you getting any help for how you're feeling, because that's a classic symptom of post natal depression. Teething will pass, something hard and cold to chomp will help. A strip of frozen pepper was chloe favourite, was tasty so she kept on it. Ice pops frozen fruit juice etc help too.



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Old 14-10-2012, 12:56 PM   #6316
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No I'm not getting any help because I don't any more depressed then I have in the past and I'm too scared to tell any perfessional encase they call social services or something my partner would never forgive me.

Thanks I will try the cold stuff, we gave him some calpol this morning and he slept for 3 straight hours so I had a sleep at the same time and feel a lot more human



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Old 16-10-2012, 07:08 PM   #6317
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Attachment 20190

recent photo of Jasmine, she's such a happy girl.
the social worker is now denying any previous time scales that she said, and said to my cpn it could be 26 weeks, taking us into March next year.
they keep lying, literally lying, not giving us straight answers or telling us anything at all.

i'm getting worried now that maybe i did do something really awful to Jasmine and they just aren't telling me.


Last edited by Cacoethes : 20-11-2012 at 06:14 PM.


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Old 17-10-2012, 09:23 AM   #6318
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She is so beautiful Becs. You were obviously a good house!

I think its terrible that youre being so messed around. Surely if you had done something so awful your mum would at least know?





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Old 17-10-2012, 08:34 PM   #6319
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thanks Charlie

i dont know what to believe anymore, found out that they basically tricked our family friends into agreeing to be kinship something or other. they were always going to be a support, and were being assessed to be temporary foster carers, but social services randomly decided to turn it into a kinship thing, which means that they are legally binded to be carers for Jasmine for 18 years, if Jasmine ever had to be removed from me. so if i got ill. Jasmine would go to them, whatever, whenever, and they would not be allowed to be friends with me or see me while they have Jasmine, but while i have Jasmine, they are allowed to be my friends.
they wouldn't be allowed to move house, refuse to have Jasmine for whatever reason, not allowed to go on holidays in case they needed to take Jasmine from me etc etc
and if they didnt do what it said in the contract, they would be taken to court.

they didnt even know about it.
and i know that they will try and say they told us, because thats what they always do.
they said im breast feeding for my own benefit and no other reason.

oh, and they also said that i can't have contact in the afternoon because 'babies are more tired in the afternoon)

in happier news, Jasmine had her 2nd lot of injections today, apparently she cried for about a minute, and then was completely fine again, when i got there, she was her happy self. such a brave girl.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 18-10-2012, 01:47 PM   #6320
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Have you got yourself a lawyer? Sounds like you need someone in the know on your side.



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