Triggering (SI) - Who gives a damn?????

[Zurg]

I seem to lose more and more of my life as the days go by..... I don't really wanna talk about it.... I don't want company.... I want to sit alone and cry but the tears won't come..... And i feel so lost because normally i would bleed as a compensation for the tears i cannot cry.... But now i don't have that option anymore.....

I feel that by giving up cutting my soul has been cut in half and i can't seem to find the missing piece..... I feel incomplete..... I feel like a huge part of me is missing..... I don't feel quite like myself..... I feel fake.... I used to have physical proofs of my pain and now i've got nothing.....

I try to act as if everything is just fine and dandy but who the hell am i kidding because i'm certainly not kidding myself.... Others don't see my pain..... Which is good because i don't WANT them to see......

I am tired. I am lonely. I am drained. And i would like to go home now.... Home is where the heart is.... But my heart is dying a little with each passing day..... I have lost my will to keep going. I have lost my will to get out of bed in the morning. When people talk i don't really listen. And when people talk to me i answer in one syllable words.

I am slowly sucked dry..... Life is being drained.... And i don't have anymore to say...

[Queen Crabbit]

I can relate. Just because you're not cutting it doesn't mean you don't still feel exactly the same pain, if not more, inside.

Perhaps try to find another way of showing it? Writing it down, drawing something - so you have something physical that you can touch and hold etc?

[chocostashchick]

honey you sound like you are in a really bad place right now
as much as you dont want to i think that talking or just finding some way to get this out will help
writing on here is a really good start
please take care of yourself

[Destinationzero]

I understand where you're coming from. I have always had the need to physicalize pain outwardly to get rid of it...or feel as though I have expressed it. When I stopped cutting the urge to do other things to replace it was so bad I didn't know what to do. Panic became everything and chaos filled my brain.

Things I did to relieve it were drawing cuts in pen or sharpie slowly over my body and then washing them out, drawing, journaling, running, screaming into pillows, exhausting myself physically, and now I have started doing kickboxing (the instructor makes me hurt...makes me tell him I enjoy it...and it really gets all my agression and pain out.)

Find something to make your life seem better...a hobby you can throw yourself in completely makes cutting seem as though it doesn't matter anymore because there is a new outlet.

I really understand sweetie, just havent the words to offer
Please take care
Much love
xx