Hi, just to introduce myself , im laura , !
, i found this site just after i came out of hospital for the first time, i was looking for help, because i knew i needed it but didnt want to ask my doctor for it. well my story, i have self harmed for longer then i can remember, first nothing serious then i started to OD, nothing too serious and it only use to affect me for a few days, i got to the point where i thought even god didnt want me. Maybe true maybe not, i am thankful though, my last attempt which was 29th april , left me in hospital , i saved myself by ringing a friend, i knew i would die if i didnt go to hospital but the weird thing was i didnt even think about it , i have always know my trigger, my ex boyfriend, he triggered me on that day and i was drunk, as usual, and just wouldnt listen, the thing that made me hurt most was my dad coming into hospital and crying. the nurses werent nice , i knew they were treating me different and i understood why , there was people in there wanting to live and me trying my hardest not too. since coming out, about 6 weeks ago , i havent felt the same, everyday is a struggle and i feel isolated and confused and more so trapped in my own body (is that weird), i cant get away from it and the smallest things can make me want to give up again, yet knowing if it doesnt work , my life will just get harder. I should be happy i got rid of my trigger, the lying cheating ex of five years who i adored with every inch of my soul, i bought my own house , i have a car and a decent job, and some decent friends even though some seem to be taking what the want and disappearing, i dont feel normal anymore, i know im not happy, i do want help but then dont at same time. i have cut myself in a long long time and the ironic thing is i stopped after my exes friend put me in hospital which resulted in a scar on my wrist which everyone now thinks i done myself, my life is one big struggle, and im desperately trying to break free, someone please help ,
laura x
