This is just something that's been bothering me lately.
I often feel like there's nowhere on RYL I fit in. There's loads of really popular threads like the Rainbow Room that are only for one type of member, there's the vets forum, and I dunno, honestly, it bothers me. Because it seems to segregate people. I mean, would it be ok if I made a thread for straight people only? Probably not, I imagine that would bother people. It just feels a bit like... unfair... should there really be places where certain members dont feel welcome?
Like, maybe I'm being overly sensitive but a lot of people complained that the old RYL was very clique-y, and I agree it does become that way sometimes, and I think its partly because we don't encourage people of all ages, interests, genders, sexual orientations etc to chat all together and mix. And I was wondering if there's any way we can try to make RYL less segregated?
Just a thought. x
s a r a h
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I actually agree with you here, there is a certain amount of cliqueyness, but in that respect, we can't do much about it. Someone once compared RYL to a high school, and in certain terms, it is.
I wish we could just, make it less segregated, but I wouldn't know how. =S
I understand what you mean but I personally don't feel that this place is segregated... People make threads to try and find people with the same interests or issues and of course, in the long term, they'll form a closer knit group.
I don't know, I personally go everywhere without caring if I really belong there or not. I sometimes post in the ED forum even though I don't think I have an ED.
I really don't see how the forums could be made less segregative. Groups form themselves in every society.
Maybe you need to find your group, according to your envies, your hobbies, your needs etc. I'm pretty sure everyone has their place here.
Sarah, I completly respect and hear what you're saying, firstly.
By the nature of the sort of website this is about, RYL has a huge range of people. Self-harm isn't gender/sexuality/race/class selective, so why should RYL be? As with any large groups, it is natural, and somewhat inevitable, that people would form groups of friends, and look for similar "traits" - such as sexuality; although I doubt that it makes things any easier when on RYL, or that it would make you feel any more comfortable.
I think that rather than sift out the cliquey groups, which may make people feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed, we could do something to promote the larger community as well as the smaller groups such as The Rainbow Room or esther's queendom v.2. Maybe, once RYL has calmed down a little post-change, we could have another activity like The Easter Egg hunt or The Father Christmas challenge?
Unfortunatly, with 1,569-plus active members, it is going to be impossible to involve absolutely everybody and keep everybody happy - but we can definatly do more to promote the team!
i agree that jo pretty much said it, but i just want to add that i am POSITIVE that you could post in the rainbow room or esther's queendom, or just about any other thread on this site and get a fairly welcoming response into it, regardless of whether you fit the 'criteria'.
maybe try reaching out?
take care
xemily
I totally agree with RYL being very cliquey, but with so many people, it's bound to happen. People naturally fall into their own groups where they fit in most, it's easier for people to fall in with people who understand them, than constantly trying to get others to accept them.
Me myself, I'm open to everyone. Feel free to PM me to chat or whatnot, big cliquey groups start with one person.
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That was a big problem for me too.. at first..
I felt like I tried every thread.. but couldn't find my own group.. It's also pretty difficult to go for example into Rainbow's.. I felt like it was great place and I wanted to be part of it.. posted something.. but it didn't work for me..
It took me about three months to find those person's I belong with.. Thinking afterward three months isn't really long time but for me it felt like..
yeah.. What I'm trying to say..
maybe just that I understand and it's hard.. but with time I think most of us fit in.. Be patience..
*hugs*
I used to be like that a lot but now, if I wanna post somewhere I do, even if it does get ignored a lot of the time. Now I just hang out maily in F&D because there a little group of us there.
Come spam with us! :P
xx
Segregation on RYL is not only to be expected, it is also required.
If this many members were all plonked on top of each other, breathing down everyone elses necks - the community as a whole would not enjoy this level of stability, or support. We all know it is possible to be closer to 10 friends than it would be with 1000 - and any large society has to place in the structure for the community to split into smaller sub communities.
I don't feel there is much of a 'group' in General, although there are of course regular members who are very recognisable. Anyone can post freely in General, and I have not been able to see any impact on reply rates to them, just because they are unknown. If someone, anyone posts something of interest - views and replies will follow.
Forums such as Vets, ED's and a few others are of course quite 'groupy' but they are SUPER welcome to anyone who also fits in their corner to come and join them.
Thus finding your feet at RYL is about finding the most suitable group, be it the 'everybody' group of general, or the more focused, personal groups of ED's and Vets.
I believe Introductions could have more opportunities for new members to mix with each other and longer term members - and that would benefit those coming in and feeling a little overwhelmed a great deal.
F and D is also a good bet, because again the number of people who drop past and make replies is large, and everyone is there for fun. My advice would be to post a bit in Intros (replying to new people saying you are new is a great way to start off and meet people) and also posting in F and D. Then perhaps move on top posting some funny story, news article or topic of interest in either General, or another of the boards. Someone following that sort of pattern because an established long term member of RYL almost every time.
If RYL didn't have sub groups - it would be far, far harder to approach - because you are breaking into such a large group all at once. Too many people would get brushed aside by the confident. In smaller groups RYL is much more like a small 500 member site, and those sub communities are always very welcoming to otehrs who want to join them.
Making RYL more approachable is something that was built into the plans of v3, and my hope is that the subtle changes in dynamics of the forums caused by the changes will aid in this problem. I also plan on working futher in the future to increase the welcoming atmposhere of RYL, and helping to get new members to a point where RYL is doing them real good as soon as possible.
I have to say I agree with Harley here, so I won't repeat what he's said. Though Sarah - if you want to make a 'straight people' thread in General, go ahead! There was one on v2, after all, and nobody minded...
"By the nature of the sort of website this is about, RYL has a huge range of people"
Yes - and a site like this needs to maintain its own focus and not get taken places it doesn't need to go by smaller groups of people who want to impose a makeover.
"Self-harm isn't gender/sexuality/race/class selective, so why should RYL be? As with any large groups,it is natural, and somewhat inevitable, that people would form groups of friends, and look for similar "traits" - such as sexuality;"
RYL never was exclusive to any group or type of person. Now and then groups of people would try to impose themselves and their interests on the whole forum. The last months there has been a group who seem to be obsessed with sex and bring it into threads that don't even have anything to do with sex. The most benign thread can turn to find the same members slinging sexual labels and innuendos at each other and other posters. Looking at rules for General topics specifically, I don't see where it becomes a sex forum in essence. I see suggested topics like a "dogs new name" suggested. But reading General yesterday I saw things about "anal babies" and "sex with an artificially created orifice in a (recently) living person's skull". V2 was getting filled with the same type of junk with moderating seemingly non existent. I mean "moderation" means a balance is kept and things are not allowed to go to extremes - espescially dangerous ones.
I don't see any legitimate reason General needs a thread a small group calls their "gay bar" and newbies are posting in General asking to meet other gays and then people are giving out their e-mails publicly.
Its just a lack of over-sight and prudence I think. This place gets how many millions of hits? I think its wrong to let General look like a pick-up spot and place for people to air out their prurient interets. Presently more people are joining sites to promote their sexual interests. LJ just closed a few hundred of these (did a sloppy job of it too and closed good sites because of "keywords" used) and at my other large SI site people are trying to promote incest and anyone who takes issue gets the "intolerant" run-around . General went downhill on V2 and its not looking any better as yet. The people involved seem nice enough for the most part, but the site itself seems incapable of maintaining any basic standards. When I joined and saw RYL Support option I wanted to send money but I would feel guilty paying so kids can hook-up with strangers off the internet.
I know how you feel but again this is how its going to happen and its what makes it work. I do sometimes feel left out but thats mostly in my head, if I actually go onto the queendom now I feel a part of it. Like the other night someone called me by my first name and I felt really pleased cos someone actually recognised me and took the time and effort to remember my name. :) I think you should just jump in and forget about any imagined criteria or segregations. Also I have seen you loads on here and I have never thought someone doesnt fit in. The 'fitting in' feeling tends to be self-produced, so your not its just how you feel sweetie xoxox
PM me if you wanna, Take care. x Marie x
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Hmmm... I agree, I cba to write anymore than that though o0
What We Are Is The Sum of One Thousand Lies.
What We Know; Is Almost Nothing At All.
But We Are What We Are Until The Day We Die.
Or Til' We Don't Have The Strength To Go On.
i felt i didnt fit in
but i wanted to make freinds on here
cos after over a year not many people knew me
so i started posting in the queendom
and they were soooooooooooo welcomeing
i mean i have never known people be so nice to me.
smaller groups make ryl less daunting
segregation also sounds a bit harsh, like its forced and one group is given privilages the others arnt, and thats so not true!
on ryl you are welcome anywhere
even though im straight i have been invited into the rainbow room
i go into the coffee shop and the queendom
its entirely up to each member, they can either stay with one group or pop in and out of others, either choice is great!
ryl rocks!
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A lot of straight people are in the Rainbow room.
yeah it has its regulars, but all sorts of people post there.
Its not a thread specifically for the gays.. its more of a 'post your random crap if youre bored' thread.
Chingas, im sorry you got ignored.. sometimes the conversation goes pretty quick and its easy to miss posts.
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