Graphic / Triggering - My rape story (just need to talk about it).. sorry long post
I was in Mexico with my parents for March break in 2005. I didnít bring along any friends so I was somewhat bored. On the second day at the resort I was in the pool by myself just swimming around. Two girls were playing ball and asked me to join in, I did. After playing around and getting to know them we got out of the pool and joined a group of their friends. They all varied in ages. There were six of them. The two girls I was with, one more girl and three boys.
Ben, one of the guys took immediate interest in me. He asked me how old i was and told me that he was sixteen. Now that I am almost sixteen I doubt that he was, he seemed older. I was interested in him too. I had never been with a guy before so it was exciting. I hung around that group for the rest of the week. My parents werenít aware that there were boys with us but trusted the girls and I enough to stay out until a little bit after dark.
On the last night Ben asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with him. It was an all inclusive resort so all the restaurant food was already payed for. When he asked me he used the word "date" this was thrilling to me. I was so excited to get back to school and tell all my friends that I had been on a date with a sixteen year old.
I wore my purple halter top with my matching purple skirt that night. I told my parents that I was going to dinner with the girls for the last night, they were fine with it. Ben took me to the sea food restaurant. It had wonderful food. We made good conversation. We talked about school and parents, what we wanted to pursue in the future. I felt so connected to him. He told me that he loved me, that I was a sweet girl and that he would miss me when I left. I believed him.
After we had finished dinner he told me I needed to come back to his room to say goodbye to everyone else. I was fine with that. When we reached his room on the second level noone was there. He didnít say anything, he just closed and locked the door, this frighted me. I should have tried to leave then, I shouldnít have gone with him in the first place.
He turned from the nicest guy I ever met to the devil in a matter of seconds. He told me to take of my shirt. I was confused and asked him why. He yelled at me and once again told me to take of my shirt. I did what he said. Once it was off he pulled off my bra and started playing with my breasts. I started to cry and again asked him what he was doing. He told me to shut up and to lie down on the bed.
I layed down on the bed while he pulled off my skirt and underwear. I crossed my legs so hide my nakedness. He told me to open my legs. I cried and begged him to stop. He said it was what I wanted, and that I had been leading him on all week. He forcefully pulled my legs apart and put his fingers inside me. A shooting pain went up my back and I screamed. He slapped my face and covered my mouth.
He started to take his shirt and pants off. I sat up and made a mad dash to the door. He grabbed me by my braided hair. My scalp burned as he pulled me back onto the bed. Tears ran down my face as I kicked him and started screaming. He slapped me again and covered my mouth with his hand, so I bit him. He told me I was a stupid worthless whore. I continued to kick him in an attempt to get away. He put him entire body weight on my shoulders and whispered in my ear-
"Kick me one more time, Iíll f***ing kill you."
Now I wish he did. At that point I surrendered. I gave my body over to him to do whatever he pleased. He grabbed onto my thighs and I felt him enter me. I no longer felt attached to my body, I was somewhere else.
"Youíre the worst bitch Iíve ever ****ed" he said. I told him I was sorry. I didnít know what else so say.
When he finished and was satisfied he asked me to kiss him. I did. He told me to get my clothing back on and to leave.
It was dark when I left. I hurried to the public bathroom beside the pool. I looked at my face in the mirror. My lip was bleeding but other than that I didnít look to damaged. I was determined to not let my parents know so I cleaned myself up quickly. When I got back to my room my parents were there. I told them I was tired so I was going to shower and head to bed. There were no questions asked.
I turned the shower on hot. My skin turned beat red. I scrubbed and scrubbed. I wanted him off of me. I felt dirty and sick to my stomach. I feel like he has never gotten off of me though. Heís still with me everyday reminding me how much of a dirty worthless bitch I am, and for that I hope he f***ing burns in hell.
what age where you at the time?
i know this is a horrible question to have to ask but was he wearing a condom?
if not did you have yourself checked?
i really wish you were beside me now so i could just put my arms around you and tell you everythign will be alrite!!
you are not dirty and worthless!
this boy is the dirty worthless pig!!
you are so innocent in all of this and have been so strong!
please be ok xxx
Some days are still hard but they make the good days seem all the better :)
I am sorry that this had to happen to you, you didn't deserve this. You are not worthless and dirty either. Have you ever spoken to anyone about this before? If not maybe talking it through with a counsellor or someone close to you would help. Even just to provide some extra support coz it sounds like its affecting you alot. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to. Take care of yourself
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
oh god. Thats terrible hun! i know when this kinda thing happens to someone it is really REALLY hard to move on (believe me i know), but im here for you if you ever want to get things out of ya head.take my advice and get urself checked hun, thats the first step to moving on.
i dont really know what else to say, but tht i am so sorry about what he did to you.
pm me when ever hun.
take care of yourself xxx