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Old 13-06-2013, 10:26 PM   #1
Rilic
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Regressing

Regressing in maturity, I think?
I did some "brainstorming" with a counsellor who asked about how I've been since I was suspended and have to leave university, and how prepared I am to go back and try again in a year. But the longer I've been away from uni, the more scared I am at going back.

We tried to figure out why I was scared of that, and of getting a job and moving out, even if these are things I desperately want to do.

The idea of moving on past education is terrifying. Getting a job is becoming an adult and being responsible for yourself, being able to support and look after yourself, and it's not like when you're younger where, even if no one is looking out for you and you're dealing with things on your own, you still have somewhere to go everyday and if you disappear occasionally, if you aren't well, people notice, and they will try and talk to you about it, try and help you out, even if only because they want you to get a grade.

In the world of jobs and having your own place, people don't care like that, they don't have to. You can be unable to afford food, or accommodation, you could be homeless, what does it matter to them?

We talked about how more and more I've been desperate to do things with my parent like when I was a kid, going for walks and trips out, playing board games. I went out the other day with them just so I could be in the back of the car like I used to. I've become more clingy to them, like I'll go on and on at them about something I've just read or learned, something I would do as a kid but haven't done since being in highschool, and I feel really pushed aside and let down when they don't even try to appear interested.

I've started throwing tantrums, which, again, I haven't done since I was a kid. It just sorta bursts out, and usually if they mention "responsibility" or "being independent" or "supporting yourself and moving out", I just kick off.

It's all very weird, because I would love to move out and have my own life, but I think with what happened at university and how I panic at job interviews and don't seem to be able to keep up with work enough to do a job, I don't feel there's anything certain or safe about leaving for the big wide world. I just want to curl up in bed and pretend it doesn't exist.



Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it.

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Old 14-06-2013, 03:37 AM   #2
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I feel the same way trust me I really do. The truth is how I deal with it is you got to put on your big girl panties and just do it. If yo uneed a job but scared to do a job interview sorry to say but just put your big girl panites on and do it act like your confident even when you may not be. Fake it til you make it basically. That's what I do Im so stressed out with adult life its not even funny I want to be a kid too again. Like right now I feel like screaming because im so stressed with working so dam much and school im sick of adult im sick of the stress. I totally understand what your feeling.

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Old 14-06-2013, 10:49 AM   #3
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Just wanted to say when I worked, I felt very much like I was looked after like at school. Employers do take an interest in your life and try to help you and they'd certainly notice if you were missing for a day! In fact, it felt exactly like school to me even though it was a responsible job in the police! Also being 'grown up' isn't as bad as you think. You will still always be your parents child and they'll still care for you. You're presumably still very young and you won't have to do too much growing up until you're a parent yourself!

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Old 15-06-2013, 09:45 AM   #4
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I do not know what is really meant by "put on your big girl panties" and I don't like how it sounds. Please don't say it again.
Part of the big wall I've hit is I have social anxiety disorders. I wish I could just fake being happy and confident, but I've had a panic attack at every interview and even the thought of interviews. I can't handle what you need to do to be an adult, I want to crawl away and never have to think again that my life depends on getting a job.


Hah, I'm not that young, and I'll never be a parent. I hope it is how you say. You just hear a lot of stories of people getting screwed over at where they work because they had some problem and needed a bit of time. Even a friend of mine get fired from a beauty parlour she worked at for almost a year because her hallucinations came back and she needed to take longer breaks during the day just to cope.



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