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Old 16-03-2012, 02:58 PM   #1
CaptainB2
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I don't think I'll make it another 24 hours...

I'm lost. I'm at the end. Death, for some reason, brings me comfort. I know it shouldn't. I know I shouldn't feel this way but there's no escape.

What do I do? I need IMMEDIATE help. I need to stop hurting right now. I need SOMETHING to comfort me enough to just keep me alive. I just feel so alone!

I'm in a deep, dark place where no one can hear me scream. I just don't want to be in pain anymore. I can't hurt my family but they can't help. Therapy would take too much time. I need someone I can talk to right now. I need to feel better now. Every minute, I get closer to ending my life.

I'm not cut out for this world. It causes too much pain. Unless someone can convince me otherwise, I think this is it.

Please help if you can! I don't wanna hurt anymore and if there's another way out besides suicide, I'll certainly listen to it. Otherwise, I'm sorry. I'm sorry it has to be this way. I hope everyone understands it's my fault not theirs!


Last edited by CaptainB2 : 16-03-2012 at 03:06 PM.



Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, liviní with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken




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Old 16-03-2012, 03:03 PM   #2
Butterflygirl
 
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You're not alone! Please don't do this. There is always someone to turn to, someone who cares. You are worth caring about! I don't know you're situation, but I'd love to talk, and help however I can. Please. I'm here for you

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Old 16-03-2012, 03:13 PM   #3
DollyPOP
 
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can you go to A&E, or get someone to take you. it's still afternoon, maybe phoning your GP/CPN/Psych...? x

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Old 16-03-2012, 03:18 PM   #4
CaptainB2
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I been in a very bad place for 6 months. I screamed for help several times yet not one of my family or friends seemed to hear me.

I feel incapable of succeeding and incapable of doing anything right. I keep getting haunted by failures of the past while at the same time coming up short in present endeavors.

I'm just in a lot of pain right now and emotionally things have taken a turn for the worst. I don't even feel like I can get out of bed. Everything seems to make me anxious or depressed. In a twisted way, I almost feel like ending my life would do the world a favor. It'd be like cutting the dead weight.

I just hate who I am and I hate a lot of things about me.

I just feel like nothing can make me happy.




Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, liviní with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken




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Old 16-03-2012, 03:27 PM   #5
CaptainB2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DollyPOP View Post
can you go to A&E, or get someone to take you. it's still afternoon, maybe phoning your GP/CPN/Psych...? x
I have none of those I can call. That's the problem, I've been keeping my feelings hidden for so long that no professional knows of my pain. My family didn't seem to get the message when I said multiple times I needed help.

Now, I'm afraid I'm just beyond the point of saving.




Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, liviní with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken




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Old 16-03-2012, 03:39 PM   #6
aimka
 
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Hi, when I was feeling suicidal, calling crisis helpline helped me. I live in UK, so I was calling Samaritans. I see you are based in States, I found something like this:

http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

Give them a call, talking may alleviate some pain, to at least bearable level.

Also, I heard you can go to hospital to accident and emergency and tell them you feel suicidal.

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Old 16-03-2012, 03:41 PM   #7
Butterflygirl
 
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You're NOT dead weight. You are worth just as much as everyone else

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Old 17-03-2012, 05:02 AM   #8
CaptainB2
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Thank you. I've made it through tonight. I'm feeling a little better. I've begun to have a little fun and try to distract myself. I've even started eating normally again.


Last edited by CaptainB2 : 17-03-2012 at 05:09 AM.



Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, liviní with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken




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Old 17-03-2012, 07:32 AM   #9
Snow White.
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I'm really proud of you! Well done, you have shown you have a lot of strength. What did you do to have a little bit of fun? :)



I belive in you.

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Old 17-03-2012, 10:40 PM   #10
Butterflygirl
 
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Yay! :) that's awesome to hear

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Old 18-03-2012, 01:10 AM   #11
aimka
 
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You are a hero, Captain. Thinking of you. Lots of hugs.

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Old 18-03-2012, 07:49 PM   #12
CaptainB2
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Thanks for the support everybody. I've just been trying to find joy in the small things. For example, yesterday I wore a green t-shirt that didn't even fit me last St. Patrick's Day. Progress has been made.




Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, liviní with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken




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