Just for your opinions...*long and serious*(doubtfully triggering)*replies appreciated*

[Comely]

NOTE: I will be speaking to my counsellor about this, I would just like people's opinions who are experiencing these syptoms/disorders. I will not be using these opinions to diagnose myself,but only has a way to help me better understand the disorders.

I have thought that perhaps I have a combination of BPD and DID(dissociative identity disorder).

The computer definitions for both:

Borderline Personality Definition: A serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity.

Dissociative Identity Disorder: DID was previously called multiple personal disorder but in 1994 the name was changed to reflect the changes in understanding of the disorder. It involves a disturbance in identity whereby two or more separate personalities or identities, known as alters, control an individual’s behavior. “Personality” here is defined as “enduring patterns of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and oneself” (American Psychiatric Association, 1994, p. 270). When under the control of one alter, they may exhibit different behaviors, mannerisms, personalities, gender orientation, and physical properties (such as handedness, allergies and eyesight) and might not remember what transpired when another personality was in control. They may have as many as 100 alters or as few as two, though the average is 10 distinct ones, and they are stable over time. It is sometimes known as “disaggregate self state” because it is dissociated parts of the mind influencing behavior in DID patients.

My story: So basically,my counsellor suggested I look up DID, and see how I feel about it. how I relate to it. So,i did. And,well,I relate to many of the symptoms. That being 2 very different personalities. One being very happy,out-going,perservering,sexy,calm,willing to help; the other being very anxious,self-destructive,emotional,overly sensitive,needy,self-critisizing,unsafe,fearful of abandonment, fear of certain people and very easily triggered. But, they are both me,they don't have seperate names or seperate lives. Just seperate ways of perceiving things. And, I also relate to DID by having a severed memory. I remember only bits and pieces f times in my life(childhood mainly). My memories are few and far between,and very vague, and for all I know, they are not real.I can't tell the difference in my memories between the real ones and ones I have made up from my childhood. i don't remember alot from the time I was 10-13 either. These times in my life, I suffered severe physical,mental,emotional and possibly sexual abuse(I can't remember specific situations,only feelings for this one). It is common for DID to appear in people who suffered trauma at a developmental stage in life. It is almost the brains way of coping. Also, "out of body" experiences are common in people with DID. Basically when you feel like you are watching yourself do something. I've been getting these for years. I just step outside of myself, and watch myself as the world moves. My memories are also seen this way,the ones I can remember from times of abuse,and various other times. I see myself,and the entire scenario happening,as though as a bystander in my memories. I don't see things from my perspective. So it is almost as though I just watched these things happen to someone else, but they never actually happened to me. But,I know they did.

So,in my searching,I looked up BPD,for the hell of it. And, I also find myself relating to that. The bad self-image, self-harming, fear of abandonment,fear of comittment,I can't make decisions,especially long term ones. These feelings can come in random bursts,sometimes lasting a night, sometimes lasting a day,sometimes weeks.Lately these moods have been coming in 2 week-intervals.good,bad,good,bad. I can hide it quite well, as I have been hiding these moods since I was about 12,maybe younger,I can't really remember that well. I started self-harming at 13,I know this much.But,I stopped for about 3 years. And I can be a very passive person,but I becoming overly-irritable for no apparent reason all the time. Good days can't stop these feelings from coming, as life is pretty damn good for me right now,but they still come,and I feel like I just want to die.

The thing is I can manage my life,and keep going and hide all this from others,with a very good "happy mask". Self-injuring also helps me control myself,to be honest.

Alright,I'll leave it there. I'm just curious,for the people who actually read all of this...what are your thoughts? Am I just a normal teen..am I dealing with depression(which by the way,my Mother,brother and natural Father all suffer/ed from), or is there a personality disorder somewhere in there?

my counsellor really thinks I'm dealing with something, but we are talking it out together. I'm lad of this,because reading things here I've noticed many psychiatrists/counsellors do not discuss these things with their patients. I like to be in the know.

Thought?

[Stellata]

I'm not sure if it will help, because I am somewhat older than you. But I have both borderline traits and a dissociative disorder, as well as PTSD. Which is why I find complex PTSD so much more explicit. If I could have my own name for it I would call it Relational Trauma Disorder, because trauma mainly through relationships/neglect/abuse has caused my symptoms.
Remember severe dissociation is one of the BPD traits. The thing is that in the criteria its 'transient', same for paranoia. When its more than transient, it becomes getting towards a dissociative disorder instead of or in addition. I don't know where they draw the line though!

There's DD NOS [Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, which is not quite as intense as DID.]
This article Understanding dissociative disorders [link] by Mind might be helpful.

I can't diagnose you, nor can others here. But I can very much relate to a lot of what you describe, however its labelled or not.
My therapist and I talk a lot about me, and the Other One as we call it, who is a split off dissociated self who takes over now and again/a lot of the time, and takes me back to being in the past, although it's now... More here - dissociative distress thread *Triggering (Abuse)*

[sherlock holmes]

"It involves a disturbance in identity whereby two or more separate personalities or identities, known as alters, control an individual’s behavior."

From what you described about yourself, you have two sides to yourself, but as you said they're not different people, they're just you. They don't have seperate names or lives. I don't think that fits with DID. It probably fits more with BPD.

Also remembers that counsellors aren't qualified to diagnose, a psychiatrist has to do that.